Status 1-30-15*

SLEPT IN! Wow, I can’t say THAT very often. I feel rested and weirdly tired. Maybe I’m just experiencing the lack of adrenaline that having actual sleep avoids? Yesterday was pleasantly banal. I walked around Descanso in a gentle, non-exercise focused manner, because the purpose of my walks are stress relief. I find I see many new things when I’m walking for experience vs body training.

Here’s a turtle I caught resting.

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A post shared by Laurie Weaver – Host COD (@lauriedreamweaver)

Now, I have nothing against body training, when that is your goal. I have done many fitness events that necessitate a particular training regimen — and lord KNOWS I have done my fair share of lifting, cardio, and flexibility routines along my road of various weightloss/body building programs. And I was happy for the most part pursing my body dreams with them (except when I slipped into exercise bulimia, or forced myself to exercise when I should not have, because IS WAS ON MY SCHEDULE).

Yes, I can be a schedule obsessed control freak. That is one way I learned to disengage from my body and depend on my mind. Here’s an interesting experiment. Stop right now and ask yourself, “Where am I located in my body?” – And my answer would be right at the top of my head. I experience the ‘real me’ almost as floating above, detached from my body. Some answer ‘the middle eye’ or ‘behind my eyes’ or ‘in my heart’. Now, I don’t know there is an actual answer for this, but I do know when I’ve been integrating my body into my equations, I start to feel the “real me” descend down into it. I start to feel more whole. I start to realize I am one with my body right now. To hate my body is to hate myself. To love my body is to love myself. Compassion is so important. To take the lessons as neutral really helps.

Yesterday I shared the shameful truth of my being bugged because one person left the blog – while at the same time I was receiving HEAPS of positive reinforcement for my show and blog and for being myself. I was even embarrassed to admit this in therapy, as I have been doing so well lately, NOT taking these small things personally. But it was the truth, so I discussed it.

I found out that partially, this new rawness was the result of my coming out of depression. That my emotions were again on my sleeve, along with some of my control issues. Because in depression, you are just too tired to do anything about anything, or even feel much about anything. And it is a very passive, scary, defeatist dead zone where ‘things just happen’ and you feel you have very little say or control about anything. So as I move out, I LONG to have control again, I LONG to make everything ‘perfect’ in my little world. And like a ding in a new car, any perceived imperfection causes me anxiety.

The secret back?

1. Breathe
2. Allow
3. Evaluate
4. Prioritize

1. BREATHE for space from the emotion.
2. ALLOW for observing how you actually feel. Denying feelings can lead back into eating or unproductive avoidance behaviors.
3. EVALUATE for nuggets of truth you can learn from. In this case, it is true that some people will find this show and blog no longer a good fit. It is also true, technology glitches happen. It is also true that this person could have a busy life with tons of email and wants to clean out some auto emails from the inbox. These are just a few of the reasons. It is also true I won’t know which it is. My lesson again is, be true to myself because I cannot please 100% of people 100% of the time.
4. PRIORITIZE in this case, ‘Which is more meaningful and important? The many positive messages or the one, unknown, blog subscriber loss?’ Duh, no brainer.

So as someone who wants to bravely accept and learn from my pissy moods as well as from my successes, I’m learning to put a low premium on those pesky disappointments that are but gnats in the giant scheme of things, and to put high value on the instances of support and love that come into my life, even from me!

Also last night I went to the voice actors’ social group and ran into a lovely lady I’d met at my last voice acting class and she offered support for my show and for my voice work. She also shared some real bits from her life that built more of a connection between us. It felt good to deepen a relationship just a bit and to feel I’m making progress getting to know some voice actors in my community – not just as people to get information and inspiration from, but as real people who may one day blossom into friends, or at least, caring colleagues. This is something I’ve missed since retirement, the face to face pool of people who you grow with or not, over time.

Today

REHEARSE, ORGANIZE, WRITE – I’m rehearsing my voice acting for tomorrow and my singing to work on my breathing. I have been really holding my breath lately in both due to anxiety. So I’m working on marking my script, and my music, and making myself breathe until it feels natural. I’m also starting to organize the interviews and audio messages for show 100. I’ll start outlining it today and writing it Sunday.

Show 100

Last day for this notice! Feb 3 will be the one year anniversary of the start of the show, and it will ALSO be day 100. Please call the bravery hotline or send some audio with your good wishes or jokes or stories or songs to help me celebrate this milestone. Both my VO acting coach David and my director Marc have agreed to interviews to help me celebrate. And I have a few more tricks up my sleeve. I REALLY hope you can find a way to be part of this milestone show too! BTW, I need anything you wish to do, by Feb. 1, 2015 at the latest so I can write the show before I record Feb. 3. Earlier makes my life easier too. 🙂

Fionna has sent a new version of the Brave Companions Song that is FANTASTIC, and I’d LOVE YOU to be part of its debut.

All you need is to call or send audio and saying 3 things:

1. Your first name
2. Your State or Country or General direction
3. One reason why you are brave

Example: I’m Mark from California and I’m brave for posting a comment on day 98

How about you?

Please feel free to comment on MY statuses or add YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings, challenges, rants and raves on these pages too. That was one of the original purposes of why I posted on FB. I thought BCs might like to share about THEIR days. So if you have thoughts and feelings you’d like to share with the group, go ahead and put them here with your comments.

*Daily statuses are not part of the blog’s email notification. When you enter your email under where it says SUBSCRIBE TO POSTS VIA EMAIL, you will be notified of regular blog posts and when podcast episodes are released. I didn’t want to clog your inbox with my daily statuses. However, the automatic publicize feature will inform you on my show FB page, my AdventureLaurie twitter account, google+ on its show page, and Tumblr.

Body Balance

BB is my personal criteria, and I don’t think too hard about it. I ask myself at the keyboard, what is my BB? A number between 1-10, including halves, pops into my head. I write it in my post Then I figure out why it is higher or lower and gently make note.

If you are interested these are my measures.

1. Sleep. Quality and Amount.
2. Tummy/Gut – If I ate what my body asked for, usually above and below the belly button feel balanced. Ate too much, below the belly button feels more full. Ate too little, the reverse.
3. Am I hungry within 1 hour of waking? I have found that I feel best if I am hungry within 1 hour of waking. This tends to make my eating day even and not heavy on food in the evening. But I don’t eat if not hungry unless I’m about to ride or hike. I’ve learned I need to fuel these morning activities, or I’ll bonk.
4. What is my energy level? Subjective, but telling.
5. A quick look at my mood.

The Bravery Coach

TheBraveryCoach daily tweet is a morning mediation on how I either did, or can incorporate an aspect of bravery into my day. It is cheerful. It is esteem building. Those who want to follow these on Twitter may, by searching for the hashtag #bravery or by seeing my profile:

Daily Bravery Tweets via TheBraveryCoach on Twitter