Status 8-18-15*
Here I am – my life for the next several days. Editing takes quite a while and I have a ton of it to do before I can firm up writing the show order and all the parts that go between segments. Nothing seems to be easy. Self sabotage? Perfectionism? Or just loads of material?
Yesterday
All I did was edit, edit, edit! But don’t get to hopeful for show 120 to be up any time soon. This was just trying to get all of the individual segments that will make up the show done so I can put them in some kind of order and write the transitions. Transitions are all of the things I say in between segments to make them understandable for the audience. So I was REALLY overly optimistic when I thought I could get this editing AND the writing complete in time to hike today.
But thanks and BIG smooches to you BCs who put supportive comments on my blog rant about my lack of progress and hot weather. It really helped me to get grounded again. This last show is a labor of love, not self-punishment.
Today
More of the same. It’s cooler, thank God! But still plenty warm, so today my play is to continue through the edits and see how far I get.
FYI, here’s the process for any of my non-bonus shows.
1. Review audio submissions and comments for inclusion in next show.
2. Get some idea about the themes for the show.
3. Edit any audio segments (usually this is pretty light, as the segments are usually pretty short)
4. Figure out the order of segments (usually not bad, as the regular show has a pretty standard format)
5. Write all of the material needed to go between segments (everything except Stéfanie’s Secret Topic response and my Letting Go pondering – these are both done on the fly)
6. Edit my writing and send to my phone.
7. Format on my phone’s note app so I can read these (remember I’m blind as a bat and so my font needs to be big with space)
8. Hike or walk somewhere, preferably early in the day so I can find a shady Zen spot to record in.
9. Record all of the segments, hopefully with few mistakes or retakes.
10. Listen to my recordings on the way down the mountain or walking back from the park, mentally noting what needs fixing or retakes.
11. Transfer the recorded files to my computer
12. Edit all of these pieces together, adding in any SFX or extra music. Make sure the levels are consistent so you won’t be blasted or lose too much volume in your earbuds or over the speakers when you listen.
13. Initial export of main file.
14. Listen AGAIN (man I get sick of my voice by now)
15. Good, or not good and edit and export again, or move on.
16. Add XML tags to the file and upload to my media provider’s server.
17. Write all of the show notes and links and test them.
18. Make sure the podcast file is working on the site.
19. Double check the technical parts that make the publicity blasts work (as much as I can)
20. DEEP BREATH and click “Publish”.
So, as you can see, I’m not TOO far in my list at the moment. Partially because I have SO MUCH MORE material than usual, and partially because I want everyone to shine as much as I can for this last appearance. One thing is for sure, I have LEARNED so much besides what I’ve learned about my eating disorder. I’ve learned many professional skills when it comes to producing a podcast. It’s a ton of work on the best of days, but since my work right now is making me sad as well as happy, it’s just a bit harder to get through.
Bottom line, I’ll just keep moving and when I get there, I do. Hmmm, kind of like my conclusion with Intuitive Eating?
Hope you’re having fun today BCs!
xoxoxoxoxox
How about you?
Please feel free to comment on MY statuses or add YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings, challenges, rants and raves on these pages too. That was one of the original purposes of why I posted on FB. I thought BCs might like to share about THEIR days. So if you have thoughts and feelings you’d like to share with the group, go ahead and put them here with your comments.
*Daily statuses are not part of the blog’s email notification. When you enter your email under where it says SUBSCRIBE TO POSTS VIA EMAIL, you will be notified of regular blog posts and when podcast episodes are released. I didn’t want to clog your inbox with my daily statuses. However, the automatic publicize feature will inform you on my show FB page, my AdventureLaurie twitter account, google+ on its show page, and Tumblr.
PSS, some BCs have asked me the difference between blog postings and status pages. Blog postings are where I develop a complete topic triggered by my status thoughts. Status thoughts are how my day went, what’s on my agenda, and how my body feels today – and not much editing or thought goes into them. That’s why I don’t clog up your email with them. 🙂
The Bravery Coach
TheBraveryCoach daily tweet is a morning mediation on how I either did, or can incorporate an aspect of bravery into my day. It is cheerful. It is esteem building. Those who want to follow these on Twitter may, by searching for the hashtag #bravery or by seeing my profile:
HI Laurie! I’m sorry to hear that the heat has been getting you down. I haven’t posted in a while, but I’m still listening! I really enjoy reflecting on your thoughts, even though I’m not as active some of the other BCs. I’m looking forward to your next show, but I don’t want that to put pressure on you! I like that you said “I’ll get keep moving and when I get there, I do”. I think that’s true for many things–trying to accomplish a huge task at once is overwhelming, but it’s easier if you take it one step at a time. I fall into that trap especially with getting in shape. I’ll go to the gym once and before I know it, I’m daydreaming about running a marathon. I get obsessed about working out and eating ultra healthy for a week or two, and then get disappointed that I haven’t lost weight or can’t run a marathon yet. I waste so much energy being mean to myself, punishing myself for not being in as good of shape as I should be, and it’s exhausting! I would be happier if I just took it one step at a time…try to set a reasonable goal of going to the gym a few times a week and not thinking about the gym when I am going to bed or waking up in the morning, as those are the times I’m the hardest on myself. I really liked when you said a few episodes ago that one of the things you wanted to let go was thinking about your body first thing in the morning too. I agree! It’s much better to start the day off with a cup of coffee (or tea), instead of a chastising thought!
Brice,
Based on your post you and I share many of the same issues “I’ll go to the gym once and before I know it, I’m daydreaming about running a marathon. I get obsessed about working out and eating ultra healthy for a week or two, and then get disappointed that I haven’t lost weight or can’t run a marathon yet. I waste so much energy being mean to myself, punishing myself for not being in as good of shape as I should be” and I agree with you, we have to take one step at a time one day at a time and focus more on the journey than the goal. Laurie once did a podcast about mindful exercise along with mindful eating and its really helped me.
Laurie,
Something that you love(ed), which you were successful at is coming to an end and I will bet that deep down you are grieving (it will take time), and because you loved it so much you are hoping to finish like a 4th of July finally. Please know that no matter how your last episode turns out, you will all ways be a bright and guiding light in the lives of many.
Take your time, enjoy the process, for you we can wait.
You bet right my friend, it has been (and is) a longer process than I expected to let the show go. I’m lucky I have my fancy last episode extravaganza to help me work through it. Each BC who commented or sent in audio, all of my friends here who read their story, Fionna, writing a special song. As I edit all of this, and think about my relationship with each special person, it shows me that I am truly loved. And as you know, my size is not why. The part of me reached out and actually connected is made of the unseen things: Heart, Mind and Soul and I believe it was learning to see beyond the walls of my body and focus others – not in a people pleasing way, but in an “I can see YOU” way, is what made this possible. And I think the prayers you and Kathy have been blessing me with have not hurt either. It’s been wonderful to see you grow and blossom in the time we have spent. And I look forward to hearing more about your creative side as the blog marches on. Thanks again my friend and Mark thanks you too for including him in your good-bye message. xoxoxoxo
Hi Brice, thanks for stopping in. That whole ‘one step at a time’ thing is REALLY hitting home with me. I’m done editing all of the outside bits, and this show has a bunch, and I decided instead of recording day 120 all in one day, as I usually do (which would be EXHAUSTING), that I would break it up into 3 days and the 3 places I used most for podcasting. So I recorded the written comments, including yours, and a few other things at the dry river bed at Descanso Gardens yesterday. I’ll hit the podcast rock at the park in a day or two, and finally hike up to the new to upper Zen Place on the mountain to finish up with the letting go and a few other segments. This breaking up my big task, even though it is something I WANT to do (like your marathon dream) is helping me move on without stressfully procrastinating or killing myself. Balance is still a very good lesson for me too. And I have been doing much better at waking up and thinking about my day vs. my body (unless I’m sick or something like that), and I can tell you that helps me very much to stay focused in gratitude. My poor body has long been the dumping ground for my discontent. 🙂 I’m so happy to have heard from you in time for the last show, and I hope you’ll feel free to come back here in future as I will be blogging from time to time about what’s going on and BCs are always welcome to post. xoxoxoxoxoxo
Dear Laurie, I will be sad to see your Podcast come to an end. But at the same time I understand because I have see you evolve from a food focused weigh focus person to a life focus person and that is a good thing. You have inspired me with your transparcy, bravery and willingness to face unpleasant feelings. You have helped me and others more then you know . God made you beautiful and it’s great to see your love of helping others. Keep using your talents! You helped me💗. Blessings to you.
Hooray! I’m so glad to see you. Your comment will be in Day 120, though I didn’t give your entire name. Thanks for your thoughts and support, it’s a big help as I move through this transition. xoxoxoxoxox