I’m putting myself on the bravery report.
I decided to share some assorted unretouched photos to show you my slide up and down the scale. You can read my weight story here, or by selecting Laurie’s Weight Story from the menu.
At first I didn’t want to have “Before and After” type of photos as part of my blog, because I focus much more on the here and now of the present moment. But I decided to share my weight story in the hopes of encouraging other brave companions that have yo-yoed forever, that there IS hope to come to peace with your food issues and body. I’m not ashamed of any of these. They are all part of my story and what makes me who I am today.
Much love to you brave companions
29 or 30 years old and my first success with Weight Watchers getting to goal. That time I went from 200 down to 146 in 12 months. It was WAY easier at that time. This success was the first time I was not overweight or obese as an adult. It lasted less than one year. When I moved to California at age 31 I was already back to the high 180s. Even at this weight, I was very self-conscious about the size of my thighs – but my chest and face were getting skeletal, so I decided to stop losing weight here.
Dancing with Mark when we were first dating. Probably around 225 – the same weight I was when I started the show. On a fast track to 245, what I weighed on our wedding day, and then on to over 300. I was 34.
Near my highest weight of around 300 pounds. Age 38 or 39
After two years of hard focus, work, support from friends, AND exercise bulimia I’m at my goal of 153. I stayed here one day total. Then maintained 159 for a couple of years. I was 42. I’m holding my “before photo” of me at 3. I don’t really believe in before and after photos, because as long as we breathe we are changing.
One of the professional photos taken after my 2nd Body for Life cycle. (Same time as my bikini shot) I intended to pursue once again my goal of becoming a motivational speaker to encourage women past 40 that they could lose weight and get fit. But as I’ve shared in my show, I actually felt like I was too fat and a failure and only threw these photos into a box, never to be seen until now. My heart was breaking as the photos were taken. I had to “go on with the show” because I had many friends there for the scheduled shoot. It was supposed to have been a triumph, like the “After photos” in a magazine. I weighed 172 and was 45 years old just 8 months after a hysterectomy and weight gain that put me back up to 189-190. Now I think I look really well.
I just took this one for episode 52. It’s my first full body photo since my after shoot. I’m 55 and at my current weight of 207. I love this photo more than all the rest, because I am at peace and love my body as it is. My hope is that I will continue to feel this way as my journey to an integrated life moving toward authentic relationships with people and away from fear of food continues.
My latest bravery. I asked Mark to take a photo of me full body in my clingy bike gear on our last bike ride! Age 55 and Weight 209.
Wonderful. Peaceful. Sure. Brave. That is you 😀 I am so happy you are able to finally love yourself.
Thanks Kendra, I really appreciate the support. This was definitely a bravery report moment 😉
You know what’s so great about these pix? Your willingness to put them on here shows how absolutely genuine you are. And you were beautiful in all of them! I think we need a lot more “Lauries” like you in the world. Thank yo so much for sharing these. You’re a heck of a lot braver than I would be! Hugs!
Thanks GF. It was a shedding of my outer skin in a way to display myself as a public photo example of what a compulsive binge eater may go through. I’m not kidding that I never knew what size I was from week to week. I had so much shame about myself. Now I don’t. That is the biggest miracle of all. 🙂
You are beautiful in all of these Laurie because you look like someone who is genuine and kind and loves life with all its ups and downs. Thank you for sharing your very private story. It was a lot to go through but you mustn’t regret one moment of it because it has all contributed to the wonderful person you are today:)
Liebste Stephanie, Ich bin so stolz auf Ihre Tapferkeit. Danke, dass Sie so viel für heute ermutigte mich. Ich hoffe, dass Sie erhalten, um anderen Brave Companions kennen.
What I tried to write, with the help of Google translate and my memory of writing German, is this:
Dearest Stephanie, I’m so proud of your bravery. Many thanks for encouraging me today. I hope that you can get to know other Brave Companions here.
Very well said…
Danke Stephanie and welcome to the Brave Companions. And welcome to all the new members of this loving and supportive community. I agree with your comment and I think we all have that beautiful person inside us that shows no matter what our size is. The best “make-up” is self-confidence!
Thank you for the warm welcome:)
Yes, indeed! Welcome! The community is growing by leaps and bounds. Can’t wait to get to know you.
Welcome to the community Stephanie from Germany 🙂
Laurie I salute the leap of faith, blind trust and blunt courage you took to post these pictures into the world wide web. As others said, I too find you pretty in every shot. I mostly prefer the last one as that is, to me, the Laurie *I* know. Xxx
xx 🙂
Loved this! Wow- what a history. So fascinating and honest…. thanks Laurie
Hi Michelle, I must have been doing something distracting the day you left your fine comments on this page and my story page. Dang! I soooo thank you for your understanding comments, because I can TELL from them, I am not alone and we share some of this journey in common. So, better late than never! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your support, and I hope you had a great vacation!
xoxoxoxoxox
Laurie,
Thank you so much for sharing your journey! It takes a lot of courage to post all of those pictures! I am happy for you that you are becoming more accepting of your body!
I just found your podcast today and I am still in the early episodes at this point. Much of what you say in your podcasts is the same stuff floating around in my head daily. I can relate!
And as an interesting coincidence, I was a Body-for LIFE champion a few years ago. In my final essay, I wrote that I had overcome binge eating. Sadly, that was untrue, although I didn’t think I would fall back into it.
I am looking forward to catching up on your podcasts so I can be current!
Wow, congrats! I aspired to be champion and know how much work that was for you. Well done! It is sad when we make progress and then it feels as if it slips away from us, isn’t it? It was shocking for me to see my photo history all in one place as an example of what binge eating/dieting looks like. It made me sad to remember all I’ve gone through, but it also gives me courage to do the really heavy lifting emotionally that this show and my therapy is helping me do. Thanks again for taking the time to comment and encourage. It really does mean so much to me!
You’re welcome! And you are encouraging me as well!
Hi Laurie,
Really enjoying episode 56 and came to see your photos. Thank you again for sharing not only the photos, but your thoughts – some of which I again could have written! I am only 35 years old, but I too have many before and after photos over the years. While I am now at one of the heavier weight ranges for me, I actually feel the best I ever have on day 22 of not bingeing. It is also 22 days since I started listening to your podcast, coincidence? Absolutely not! Listening to you has really helped my to identify and start to address the real cause and not just the weight for the first time ever. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Amy from Australia. xxx.
G’Day Dear Amy, I’m so happy to hear that you are doing well and enjoying the show. I hope your group of ladies that you mentioned previously are also helping as being open and having the ability to share yourself I’ve found to be so key in dealing with the emotional underside of this issue. And Hooray for making it to day 56 already! Wow, that’s a lot of listening 🙂 It was rough to post all of photos, but also freeing. It helped me realize that I am me at any size, therefore, my size is not me, just one attribute. And the more I remove the be-all end-all importance of my size, the more it helps me focus on how I feel inside, both physically and emotionally. Congrats and good wishes and thank you so much for being brave and sharing your story with us.
Hugs
xoxoxoxox
Hi Laurie,
My name is Shirley and I live in Australia.
Its so good to read your story. I can relate to quite a bit of it. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I posted on your podcast notes page the other day but, long story short, I cant’ get back in due to technical difficulties so I’m going to sign in again using a different email address.
Hi Shirley, sorry to hear about your technical difficulties, but thanks for posting here however you could! Posting my story and photos was one of my bravest acts, but also seemed to help the most people in the end. For me, I like to see that I, Laurie, lived in all of these bodies. My body doesn’t define me. I tend to still think it does, because of all of the years I felt big was bad. But even though I now see nothing wrong with having a body-based goal, my victory, and the victory I wish for all who struggle, is to really experience that our bodies are not tied to who we are from a moral perspective. Our bodies have many influences on them from gender to age to genetics to what kinds of foods they metabolize well – and THAT hot topic can be different from person to person. I look forward to hearing more about YOUR story and your thoughts on your adventures both with the eating issues and your big adventures in life. Take care.xoxoxoxox
Hi Laurie, I forgot to say that I really appreciate that you have posted your photos here. I can totally relate to the feelings that you have described feeling at the times that they were taken and it is so good to come across someone who loves themselves, is enjoying their lives, is having a fun and healthy life without having to be thin. Like you, I still have to be very brave to have a full body photo taken of myself. And that’s with loving myself a whole heap more than I used to! This love of myself and of life is a state of affairs that I have worked hard to achieve in the past,, and want to maintain for myself on-going. And I need support because my wobbly thinking leads me into denial. and like you said, six months and 55 pounds later, I recognise that will-power is a myth. I have started to read your BC page and maybe I’ll post something there soon. What a marvellous resource you have created, Laurie. Many thanks.
Love your weight story and now that you are just about enjoying your life … you are inspirational my dear (no matter what size you are – as long as you are the smiley, happy you)
x
Hi Jo! Wow, I never saw this comment until now (my comment notification can go awry). Thanks for the kind words support you’ve given me and the other BCs since then.
Hello! 🙂
I’ve listened to a few of your earlier podcasts via Google Podcasts and love your honesty and the realness in the way you talk about your compulsive eating issues and circumstances.
I hope you’re keeping well and I hope you’re still finding joy in life ❤️
Are you still podcasting?
Hi! I am enjoying life these days even though the world we live in is stressful. I haven’t been actively podcasting for over a year as I have been focusing on acting and voice acting. Another new adventure that became part of my journey after focusing on what I wanted during the show. Checkout my voice acting site to hear some of what I’m up to. Glad you found us and fingers crossed the show will still be a companion on your own journey.
Take care (because I still really, really care)
Laurie
https://laurieweavervo.com