Status 2-03-15*

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! Today marks ONE YEAR since I strapped on my recorder and went for a walk in the park to ramble on about how I feel to see if it would help with my compulsive and binge eating.

Yesterday, except for my singing lesson, I was head down ALL DAY and into the night writing intros and outros and editing some of the many, many features, interviews and comments that will celebrate our year today. Whew! I knew that many of you generously participated, but WOW!

Today

Writing- Check, Initial Editing – Check, Well then, IT’S TIME TO HEAD UP THE MOUNTAIN to record my letting go segment, answer Stéfanie’s Secret Topic of the Day, and get all of those hard written intros and outros into my recorder so I can come home and work as HARD as I CAN to try and release day 100 today. No lie though, it will be a big job, so day 100 might go live tomorrow. But I will give it my best. The good thing about hiking up the mountain to record, is it relieves stress and nerves, and I can’t help but become Zen with the world laid out before me there in nature.

Have a great day BCs! I’m looking forward to giving you the gift of this EXTRAVAGANZA and can’t wait to see what our next year together brings. xoxoxoxoxo

How about you?

Please feel free to comment on MY statuses or add YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings, challenges, rants and raves on these pages too. That was one of the original purposes of why I posted on FB. I thought BCs might like to share about THEIR days. So if you have thoughts and feelings you’d like to share with the group, go ahead and put them here with your comments.

*Daily statuses are not part of the blog’s email notification. When you enter your email under where it says SUBSCRIBE TO POSTS VIA EMAIL, you will be notified of regular blog posts and when podcast episodes are released. I didn’t want to clog your inbox with my daily statuses. However, the automatic publicize feature will inform you on my show FB page, my AdventureLaurie twitter account, google+ on its show page, and Tumblr.

Body Balance

BB (Body Balance) number 7.5 Sleep: 6.5 hours divided. (ok, first 4, restless last 2.5) I think I had today’s recording on my mind. Tummy/Gut: gut slightly more full. Not hungry after 1 hour of waking, will eat before hiking though. Energy: Moderate. Mood: Ecstatic/Relieved Today’s the day!

BB is my personal criteria, and I don’t think too hard about it. I ask myself at the keyboard, what is my BB? A number between 1-10, including halves, pops into my head. I write it in my post Then I figure out why it is higher or lower and gently make note.

If you are interested these are my measures.

1. Sleep. Quality and Amount.
2. Tummy/Gut – If I ate what my body asked for, usually above and below the belly button feel balanced. Ate too much, below the belly button feels more full. Ate too little, the reverse.
3. Am I hungry within 1 hour of waking? I have found that I feel best if I am hungry within 1 hour of waking. This tends to make my eating day even and not heavy on food in the evening. But I don’t eat if not hungry unless I’m about to ride or hike. I’ve learned I need to fuel these morning activities, or I’ll bonk.
4. What is my energy level? Subjective, but telling.
5. A quick look at my mood.

The Bravery Coach

TheBraveryCoach daily tweet is a morning mediation on how I either did, or can incorporate an aspect of bravery into my day. It is cheerful. It is esteem building. Those who want to follow these on Twitter may, by searching for the hashtag #bravery or by seeing my profile:

Daily Bravery Tweets via TheBraveryCoach on Twitter

Status 2-02-15*

THE BRAVE COMPANIONS SONG is done! Fionna sent a wonderful new version she recorded in a studio, 10 BCs strapped on their bravery and sent in their voices and the end result is FANTASTIC! I am so exited to debut it next show. I’m also humbled and happy about the messages I’ve received, by the fact my teachers and coaches all gave me inspiring interviews to share about how they came to live their dreams, every feature we’ve ever done is represented and Suz sent a beautiful piano piece for us to enjoy – and even more!

So as you can see, I’m busy writing and editing the bits today. Tomorrow, on the anniversary, I’ll record day 100. It may or may not be live tomorrow, but it will be soon (and it will be WHOPPIN’ BIG Show!) – So Dawny, you can use it for a couple of wog-abouts or prepared yourself for a LONG session.

Yesterday I rode from the Rose Bowl to Descanso, had a great lunch, rode back and started editing. Check out LaurieDreamWeaver on IG if you’d like to see that bike trip, including my lunch.

Today

SINGING, WRITING and EDITING – I decided NOT to skip my singing lesson today, but will use it as a motivation to get moving this AM and not procrastinate. I still need to write and organize where the various parts go into the show.

Maybe TMI, but each show takes about 4 times as long to get ready as what you hear. There is thinking of theme, finding comments and clips, organizing the segments. Editing the bits that stand alone, writing intros and outros. Editing comments for privacy – adding all of the writing to my phone in a format that I can see well and don’t need phone service for – testing the recording equipment, charging the batteries and phone – recording all of the takes needed to cover the segments and my letting go segment- listening to all of the takes to mark for edit. Actual editing and creation of the podcast file. Adding the XML tags to the file (just another step) Uploading the file to the media server. Writing the show notes, testing all of the links and internal podcast feed attributes Then PUBLISH, then test that the feed went to iTunes correctly etc. Whew! At the beginning, there was NO writing at all. Just me talking, light edit if I swore or coughed, slapping in the music, upload, show notes about 1 sentence long.

I’m glad the show has evolved – but like a ballerina dancing Swan Lake effortlessly – it takes a dang huge amount of work to make it appear I’m so effortless in my show. (Though the Letting Go segment and Stéfanies’s Secret Topic are always off the cuff – as are bonus shows).

Anyway, enough pondering, time for coffee drinking and getting my writer on!

How about you?

Please feel free to comment on MY statuses or add YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings, challenges, rants and raves on these pages too. That was one of the original purposes of why I posted on FB. I thought BCs might like to share about THEIR days. So if you have thoughts and feelings you’d like to share with the group, go ahead and put them here with your comments.

*Daily statuses are not part of the blog’s email notification. When you enter your email under where it says SUBSCRIBE TO POSTS VIA EMAIL, you will be notified of regular blog posts and when podcast episodes are released. I didn’t want to clog your inbox with my daily statuses. However, the automatic publicize feature will inform you on my show FB page, my AdventureLaurie twitter account, google+ on its show page, and Tumblr.

Body Balance

BB (Body Balance) number 8 Sleep: 7.5 hours divided. (great, first 4, ok last 3.5) Tummy/Gut: gut slightly more full. Not hungry after 1 hour of waking, will eat before walking if I don’t get hungry soon. Energy: High-Moderate. Mood: Focused

BB is my personal criteria, and I don’t think too hard about it. I ask myself at the keyboard, what is my BB? A number between 1-10, including halves, pops into my head. I write it in my post Then I figure out why it is higher or lower and gently make note.

If you are interested these are my measures.

1. Sleep. Quality and Amount.
2. Tummy/Gut – If I ate what my body asked for, usually above and below the belly button feel balanced. Ate too much, below the belly button feels more full. Ate too little, the reverse.
3. Am I hungry within 1 hour of waking? I have found that I feel best if I am hungry within 1 hour of waking. This tends to make my eating day even and not heavy on food in the evening. But I don’t eat if not hungry unless I’m about to ride or hike. I’ve learned I need to fuel these morning activities, or I’ll bonk.
4. What is my energy level? Subjective, but telling.
5. A quick look at my mood.

The Bravery Coach

TheBraveryCoach daily tweet is a morning mediation on how I either did, or can incorporate an aspect of bravery into my day. It is cheerful. It is esteem building. Those who want to follow these on Twitter may, by searching for the hashtag #bravery or by seeing my profile:

Daily Bravery Tweets via TheBraveryCoach on Twitter

Status 2-01-15*

SO HAPPY AND EXCITED – I feel I’ve turned an important corner with my depression and my life. So many BCs have sent in their bravery and their good wishes for show 100, I can’t help but know this show and blog make a difference. What I’m doing makes a difference. There is no denying it. Before, I would not let myself write such a thing, because I would feel like I was bragging, and the negative voice that harps on me would say, ‘Who am *I* to say ANYTHING I did was worthwhile. You are a fake, a fraud, a loser mascarading as a success.’

Today I say, ‘F you stupid voice! I am Laurie, not only the Laurie of Compulsive Overeating Diary, but the Laurie who is the STAR of my own life, and I shine bright as the sun as that Laurie. I excel at being that Laurie. I was BORN to be that Laurie.

And BCs I say the same for you! I have heard over and over again, that not only do BCs love to hear from me, they LOVE to hear from YOU! Everyone is excited to hear Fionna’s song, not only because Fionna is awesome as a song writer, but because they know the voices of the BCs will not be silenced by fear. The BCs are BRAVE in every sense of the word. The BCs know who they are, and that they are WORTH being heard.

This makes me cry with happiness. Nothing could make me one bit happier than to know that all over the world, people who felt alone and struggling with how they felt about themselves, are coming into their own radiance. They are learning to know and love themselves. And to have a small part in witnessing this miracle makes me humble and glad. I am glad I listened to that voice on the mountain inside myself. I’m glad I started talking about my issues, even when I felt pathetic. Because that moment is when I began to welcome the real me inside. When I stopped hating who I was and began to get to know who I was, and that was the start of every wondrous thing that’s happened this last year.

Today

BIKE and EDITING – I’m off to ride up from the Rose Bowl and then lock myself in to start writing and editing the bits for Show 100. What a long and WONDERFUL show it’s going to be! Thanks everyone for participating, and I can’t wait for you to hear how it all turns out.

BTW, show 100 is NOT the end, it’s just the beginning of a new year, a new chapter and new adventures for us on Compulsive Overeating Diary.

How about you?

Please feel free to comment on MY statuses or add YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings, challenges, rants and raves on these pages too. That was one of the original purposes of why I posted on FB. I thought BCs might like to share about THEIR days. So if you have thoughts and feelings you’d like to share with the group, go ahead and put them here with your comments.

*Daily statuses are not part of the blog’s email notification. When you enter your email under where it says SUBSCRIBE TO POSTS VIA EMAIL, you will be notified of regular blog posts and when podcast episodes are released. I didn’t want to clog your inbox with my daily statuses. However, the automatic publicize feature will inform you on my show FB page, my AdventureLaurie twitter account, google+ on its show page, and Tumblr.

Body Balance

BB (Body Balance) number 9.5 Sleep: 9 hours divided. (great, first 5.5, ok last 4) Tummy/Gut: balanced, yay! Not hungry after 2 hour of waking, but I was hungry after voice acting class (I don’t eat before voice acting, so it’s a long stretch without food and so eat more at night). Ate after 3 hours to prep for bike ride. Energy: High. Mood: Joyful

BB is my personal criteria, and I don’t think too hard about it. I ask myself at the keyboard, what is my BB? A number between 1-10, including halves, pops into my head. I write it in my post Then I figure out why it is higher or lower and gently make note.

If you are interested these are my measures.

1. Sleep. Quality and Amount.
2. Tummy/Gut – If I ate what my body asked for, usually above and below the belly button feel balanced. Ate too much, below the belly button feels more full. Ate too little, the reverse.
3. Am I hungry within 1 hour of waking? I have found that I feel best if I am hungry within 1 hour of waking. This tends to make my eating day even and not heavy on food in the evening. But I don’t eat if not hungry unless I’m about to ride or hike. I’ve learned I need to fuel these morning activities, or I’ll bonk.
4. What is my energy level? Subjective, but telling.
5. A quick look at my mood.

The Bravery Coach

TheBraveryCoach daily tweet is a morning mediation on how I either did, or can incorporate an aspect of bravery into my day. It is cheerful. It is esteem building. Those who want to follow these on Twitter may, by searching for the hashtag #bravery or by seeing my profile:

Daily Bravery Tweets via TheBraveryCoach on Twitter

Status 1-31-15*

TIGER THE CAT is draped all over me as I try to type, and it’s getting in my way, because I have a lot I want to get done before I leave for voice acting class. I have to remember, that if he HAD BEEN LOST, I would have gladly given ALL THE MONEY I OWN in order to have this moment one more time.

So I take a few minutes away from typing to purely cuddle him and kiss him and let him know how much I love him. Loving Tiger is a higher priority this early morning than any chore I could lay on myself – including this status report.

PROUD OF MYSELF – because I got all of my researsing done yesterday and made a few runs at getting more audio in the can for show 100, Mark did an interview, and he’s cute in it. Rain hit and I didn’t take time for exercise. I meant to, but so it goes. I was busy and happy and moving toward my goals. I wonder though, if the lack of exercise is why I didn’t sleep as well last night?

Today

WALK and TALK – I hope to get a walk in to the park before I have to warm up my voice and head off early to my voice acting coach and then my class. Besides my usual work on voice acting, both David and Marc have agreed to short interviews for show 100. David before my session, Marc after my class. so it will be a longer day for me than usual. BUT I’m happy to be working, happy they are willing to talk so you can hear them, and happy to see what a grand extravaganza show 100 may be. Pretty great for a lady who felt all alone 1 year ago!

Show 100

Last Day to be part of the BC song for Show 100.

Fionna has sent a new version of the Brave Companions Song that is FANTASTIC, and I’d LOVE YOU to be part of its debut.

All you need is to call or send audio and saying 3 things:

1. Your first name
2. Your State or Country or General direction
3. One reason why you are brave

Example: I’m Mark from California and I’m brave for posting a comment on day 98

How about you?

Please feel free to comment on MY statuses or add YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings, challenges, rants and raves on these pages too. That was one of the original purposes of why I posted on FB. I thought BCs might like to share about THEIR days. So if you have thoughts and feelings you’d like to share with the group, go ahead and put them here with your comments.

*Daily statuses are not part of the blog’s email notification. When you enter your email under where it says SUBSCRIBE TO POSTS VIA EMAIL, you will be notified of regular blog posts and when podcast episodes are released. I didn’t want to clog your inbox with my daily statuses. However, the automatic publicize feature will inform you on my show FB page, my AdventureLaurie twitter account, google+ on its show page, and Tumblr.

Body Balance

BB (Body Balance) number 6.5 Sleep: 6.5 hours divided. (ok, first 4, iffy last 2.5) Tummy/Gut: balanced, yay! Not hungry yet after 1 hour of waking, but I’m up early too, will eat before walking. Energy: Low Moderate. Mood: Nervous

BB is my personal criteria, and I don’t think too hard about it. I ask myself at the keyboard, what is my BB? A number between 1-10, including halves, pops into my head. I write it in my post Then I figure out why it is higher or lower and gently make note.

If you are interested these are my measures.

1. Sleep. Quality and Amount.
2. Tummy/Gut – If I ate what my body asked for, usually above and below the belly button feel balanced. Ate too much, below the belly button feels more full. Ate too little, the reverse.
3. Am I hungry within 1 hour of waking? I have found that I feel best if I am hungry within 1 hour of waking. This tends to make my eating day even and not heavy on food in the evening. But I don’t eat if not hungry unless I’m about to ride or hike. I’ve learned I need to fuel these morning activities, or I’ll bonk.
4. What is my energy level? Subjective, but telling.
5. A quick look at my mood.

The Bravery Coach

TheBraveryCoach daily tweet is a morning mediation on how I either did, or can incorporate an aspect of bravery into my day. It is cheerful. It is esteem building. Those who want to follow these on Twitter may, by searching for the hashtag #bravery or by seeing my profile:

Daily Bravery Tweets via TheBraveryCoach on Twitter

Status 1-30-15*

SLEPT IN! Wow, I can’t say THAT very often. I feel rested and weirdly tired. Maybe I’m just experiencing the lack of adrenaline that having actual sleep avoids? Yesterday was pleasantly banal. I walked around Descanso in a gentle, non-exercise focused manner, because the purpose of my walks are stress relief. I find I see many new things when I’m walking for experience vs body training.

Here’s a turtle I caught resting.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Laurie Weaver – Host COD (@lauriedreamweaver)

Now, I have nothing against body training, when that is your goal. I have done many fitness events that necessitate a particular training regimen — and lord KNOWS I have done my fair share of lifting, cardio, and flexibility routines along my road of various weightloss/body building programs. And I was happy for the most part pursing my body dreams with them (except when I slipped into exercise bulimia, or forced myself to exercise when I should not have, because IS WAS ON MY SCHEDULE).

Yes, I can be a schedule obsessed control freak. That is one way I learned to disengage from my body and depend on my mind. Here’s an interesting experiment. Stop right now and ask yourself, “Where am I located in my body?” – And my answer would be right at the top of my head. I experience the ‘real me’ almost as floating above, detached from my body. Some answer ‘the middle eye’ or ‘behind my eyes’ or ‘in my heart’. Now, I don’t know there is an actual answer for this, but I do know when I’ve been integrating my body into my equations, I start to feel the “real me” descend down into it. I start to feel more whole. I start to realize I am one with my body right now. To hate my body is to hate myself. To love my body is to love myself. Compassion is so important. To take the lessons as neutral really helps.

Yesterday I shared the shameful truth of my being bugged because one person left the blog – while at the same time I was receiving HEAPS of positive reinforcement for my show and blog and for being myself. I was even embarrassed to admit this in therapy, as I have been doing so well lately, NOT taking these small things personally. But it was the truth, so I discussed it.

I found out that partially, this new rawness was the result of my coming out of depression. That my emotions were again on my sleeve, along with some of my control issues. Because in depression, you are just too tired to do anything about anything, or even feel much about anything. And it is a very passive, scary, defeatist dead zone where ‘things just happen’ and you feel you have very little say or control about anything. So as I move out, I LONG to have control again, I LONG to make everything ‘perfect’ in my little world. And like a ding in a new car, any perceived imperfection causes me anxiety.

The secret back?

1. Breathe
2. Allow
3. Evaluate
4. Prioritize

1. BREATHE for space from the emotion.
2. ALLOW for observing how you actually feel. Denying feelings can lead back into eating or unproductive avoidance behaviors.
3. EVALUATE for nuggets of truth you can learn from. In this case, it is true that some people will find this show and blog no longer a good fit. It is also true, technology glitches happen. It is also true that this person could have a busy life with tons of email and wants to clean out some auto emails from the inbox. These are just a few of the reasons. It is also true I won’t know which it is. My lesson again is, be true to myself because I cannot please 100% of people 100% of the time.
4. PRIORITIZE in this case, ‘Which is more meaningful and important? The many positive messages or the one, unknown, blog subscriber loss?’ Duh, no brainer.

So as someone who wants to bravely accept and learn from my pissy moods as well as from my successes, I’m learning to put a low premium on those pesky disappointments that are but gnats in the giant scheme of things, and to put high value on the instances of support and love that come into my life, even from me!

Also last night I went to the voice actors’ social group and ran into a lovely lady I’d met at my last voice acting class and she offered support for my show and for my voice work. She also shared some real bits from her life that built more of a connection between us. It felt good to deepen a relationship just a bit and to feel I’m making progress getting to know some voice actors in my community – not just as people to get information and inspiration from, but as real people who may one day blossom into friends, or at least, caring colleagues. This is something I’ve missed since retirement, the face to face pool of people who you grow with or not, over time.

Today

REHEARSE, ORGANIZE, WRITE – I’m rehearsing my voice acting for tomorrow and my singing to work on my breathing. I have been really holding my breath lately in both due to anxiety. So I’m working on marking my script, and my music, and making myself breathe until it feels natural. I’m also starting to organize the interviews and audio messages for show 100. I’ll start outlining it today and writing it Sunday.

Show 100

Last day for this notice! Feb 3 will be the one year anniversary of the start of the show, and it will ALSO be day 100. Please call the bravery hotline or send some audio with your good wishes or jokes or stories or songs to help me celebrate this milestone. Both my VO acting coach David and my director Marc have agreed to interviews to help me celebrate. And I have a few more tricks up my sleeve. I REALLY hope you can find a way to be part of this milestone show too! BTW, I need anything you wish to do, by Feb. 1, 2015 at the latest so I can write the show before I record Feb. 3. Earlier makes my life easier too. 🙂

Fionna has sent a new version of the Brave Companions Song that is FANTASTIC, and I’d LOVE YOU to be part of its debut.

All you need is to call or send audio and saying 3 things:

1. Your first name
2. Your State or Country or General direction
3. One reason why you are brave

Example: I’m Mark from California and I’m brave for posting a comment on day 98

How about you?

Please feel free to comment on MY statuses or add YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings, challenges, rants and raves on these pages too. That was one of the original purposes of why I posted on FB. I thought BCs might like to share about THEIR days. So if you have thoughts and feelings you’d like to share with the group, go ahead and put them here with your comments.

*Daily statuses are not part of the blog’s email notification. When you enter your email under where it says SUBSCRIBE TO POSTS VIA EMAIL, you will be notified of regular blog posts and when podcast episodes are released. I didn’t want to clog your inbox with my daily statuses. However, the automatic publicize feature will inform you on my show FB page, my AdventureLaurie twitter account, google+ on its show page, and Tumblr.

Body Balance

BB (Body Balance) number 8 Sleep: 9.5 hours divided. (ok, first 4, excellent last 5.5) Tummy/Gut: balanced, yay! Hungry within two hours of waking, usual small breakfast satisfied. Energy: High Moderate. Mood: Happy

BB is my personal criteria, and I don’t think too hard about it. I ask myself at the keyboard, what is my BB? A number between 1-10, including halves, pops into my head. I write it in my post Then I figure out why it is higher or lower and gently make note.

If you are interested these are my measures.

1. Sleep. Quality and Amount.
2. Tummy/Gut – If I ate what my body asked for, usually above and below the belly button feel balanced. Ate too much, below the belly button feels more full. Ate too little, the reverse.
3. Am I hungry within 1 hour of waking? I have found that I feel best if I am hungry within 1 hour of waking. This tends to make my eating day even and not heavy on food in the evening. But I don’t eat if not hungry unless I’m about to ride or hike. I’ve learned I need to fuel these morning activities, or I’ll bonk.
4. What is my energy level? Subjective, but telling.
5. A quick look at my mood.

The Bravery Coach

TheBraveryCoach daily tweet is a morning mediation on how I either did, or can incorporate an aspect of bravery into my day. It is cheerful. It is esteem building. Those who want to follow these on Twitter may, by searching for the hashtag #bravery or by seeing my profile:

Daily Bravery Tweets via TheBraveryCoach on Twitter