1. Dave February 5, 2018 at 10:47 am

   Laurie and BC’s,
   Once again you hit it out of the park. A show that reaches through the gloom in my mind and lifts me.

   Sue,
   Your bravery to get back on the bike, after a terrible accident is inspiring. The fear is real and your plan of taking it slowly is valid. Every time you chose to take a step forward despite the fear, is a major victory. Please don’t ever let the fear of what others may think, prevent you from living your life to the fullest.

   Truth: Most strangers are not thinking about us, most people’s opinion of us doesn’t affect our lives unless we let it, and most people’s opinion of us is really none of our business.

   Laurie,

   I fully intended to submit a comment for the 4 year song, however I had a major emotional disturbance, which triggered a deep, dark depression. This in turn triggered failure in a couple of other areas of my life, and these failure pushed me even deeper in to the blackness. If I had not reached out to a couple of friends I don’t know what would have happened, but I was seriously considering giving up for good.

   I have stepped back from the edge however now I feel completely numb. I’m having a hard time processing my emotions.

   I started reading Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brene Brow, I’m only a couple of chapters in, however I have come to realize all my struggles come from feeling like I don’t belong anywhere…work…church…family…diet group…BCs…12 step recovery group…disc golf group…..rationally I know this is not true, however I don’t know how to fix this. I’m hoping I will find the answer in this book.

   Nobody has done anything to make me feel this way, this has something to do with me and “being authentic” as of right now I can’t see how I can ever be authentic. Sorry I don’t mean to sound cryptic, but I have “secret” I have only shared with a few people and I’m not ready to share with the world.

   Anyway I’m Being Brave by not giving in to the darkness.

   There was a long wait list however I borrowed this book from my local library.

   If you want to buy it make sure you use the link on Laurie’s website. https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/shop-amazon/

   https://www.amazon.com/Braving-Wilderness-Quest-Belonging-Courage/dp/0812995848/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1517855674&sr=8-1&keywords=brene+brown+braving+the+wilderness

   Reply ↓
   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorFebruary 5, 2018 at 11:35 am

      Oh Dave, big hugs and you are surely on the bravery report for telling us your painful feelings. Not easy! Please don’t worry about the song, it is what it is. If as many BCs felt it would be fun as last time, they would have. You, my friend have bravely participated here with your voice, your amazing writing and your many supportive comments – over and over. No lack felt here.
      I feel the pain you are experiencing now, and hope your reading will be a comfort. I relate a bit as much as I’m part of the LA pro voice acting community, and everyone makes me welcome and includes me as a peer, I still have that imposter pressing my nose against the glass feeling of sad longing as I still gave not booked my first paid gig. And I’m one of very, very few of my friends in that situation. COD has helped me and many BCs over the years, but it is not a financial or even social proof success – like youtube stars with millions of followers. Most of my listeners not only fear or don’t want to participate, they don’t want to openly like, rate, or follow the show due to its topic. How do I know? They contact me privately. So, here I am, returning again to Mary’s question of why I do it. It’s because when it does help someone, my pain and frustration has meaning. This is a long winded way of saying, I bet you have supported and helped many in your real life as well. We all fall short. None of us is perfect. None of us are terrible secret free. Depression is no joke, and I hope and pray you are getting good help. Because, dearest Dave, I really do care. Xoxoxo

      Reply ↓
   2. Sue Gordon February 6, 2018 at 2:01 pm

      Thank you Dave, Laurie and Mark, your encouragement means so much to me.

      Dave, I can hear your pain with depression. I know something of what that is like. I am glad you are able to reach out to a few trusted friends. I’m praying that you will get through this valley of despair and start to see a few signs of beauty and encouragement. Don’t give up; the pain will pass.

      Reply ↓
      1. Dave February 6, 2018 at 3:03 pm

         Thank you Laurie and Sue,

         Your comments have lifted me, I may need to find professional help before this is over. I will keep moving forward one step, on day at a time.

         Accepting that I fall short (the perfectionist) is difficult, but the feeling that I fall short in so many areas is only part of the struggle. Laurie you told us about smiling first thing in the morning…I don’t know if I was smiling, but I started counting my blessings. There are so many !!! I just need to remember there is good in me and my past, it is often hard to see when I dislike the man in the mirror. Learning to love myself is something I’m working on.

         Reply ↓
         1. Sue Gordon February 7, 2018 at 2:39 pm

            Dave, I heartily recommend professional help. It got me through dealing with some very difficult history. Learning to accept and love yourself as you are now is important.

            Reply ↓
            1. Dave February 7, 2018 at 2:45 pm

               Sue,

               Thank you for your caring heart.

               I had a therapist who specialized in my issue as well as had a lot in common with me. It took me a long time to find him. (I had 16 previous therapist). Something happened in his life and the fallout affected my life. so I will have to work to find a new one. (I hate that process).

               But I had a long talk with my mother last night and most of the darkness has lifted.

               She said the same thing “Learning to accept and love yourself as you are now is important.” I am grateful to have such wise women in my life.
         2. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorFebruary 10, 2018 at 11:55 am

            Dave, I have to admit, it is EASIER for me to do my daily gratitude list than to smile very first thing. Guess I’m a morning sour puss! Who knew. 😉 But when I remember to smile first thing, it really does help to overcome some of my ingrained negative defaults. Big hugs for you and for Kathleen. xoxoxox

            Reply ↓
      2. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorFebruary 10, 2018 at 11:53 am

         Ah Sue, you are our inspiration! Dave, I’m glad things are feeling more manageable and you have your sights on professional help if need be. We are here, caring and rooting for you! xoxox

         Reply ↓
2. Josephine February 14, 2018 at 2:40 pm

   Hello Laurie, Mark, and all the BCs,
   Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! I hope you’re having a special day full of goodness and love.
   XOXOXO
   PS: I’ve been out of town but will read comments and reply as soon as I can.

   Reply ↓
   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorFebruary 15, 2018 at 8:31 am

      Hi Josephine! We had a V-Day bike ride, and are heading back to Ventura for another long training jaunt. Glad you are home safely and looking forward to more of your stories and thoughts. xoxoxox

      Reply ↓

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.