1. Abby April 22, 2014 at 8:54 am

   Hi Laurie,
   You held a mirror up to me too. I didn’t realize that since we don’t know each other and haven’t talked on the phone or in person that my sarcasm wouldn’t be inferred through my writing. I should always preface any conversation with me by saying that if I don’t go out of my way to point out that it’s serious, I’m probably being sarcastic. I was totally joking about Mark having no skills. I just thought that it was funny that things kept breaking and you were the one able to fix them and you would always mention that since you were fixing them he was getting leisure time. Don’t ever take me too seriously. I’m sure your treat him just fine.
   Abby

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorApril 22, 2014 at 9:02 am

      Hi Abby, Thanks for stopping over! I totally got that you were joking 🙂 But like all good jokes, there is a kernel of truth there. And it is true that I take on WAY too much of our family business – AND others’ business, because I have a perfectionistic control gene. Sometimes it’s a help, and other times it’s another way I’m pushing closeness out of my life. So, I thank you for your comment, and for telling your jokes. I get them, I LOVE them, and I use them, like all input, as springboards for my thoughts and feelings. I do treat Mark well, but sometimes I’m a bit of a B*tch to him when he doesn’t do things the way *I* want him to do things. All under the guise of me knowing best. I appreciate the chance to work through these issues as it makes my relationships with people better as well as my relationship with food.

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2. Cheryl April 22, 2014 at 4:44 pm

   Hey Laurie… I get exactly what you were telling Abby. I am the same way so often. And it’s a little confusing. How is it we can be so almost OCD when it comes to SOME things in our lives, but we’re totally out of control in the eating department? I’m wondering with my perfectionist bent if I’m just not able to HANDLE the constant screw ups with food. And my response is to say “What the h*ll. There’s always tomorrow. I’ll start again then and do it right.” But, of course, I seldom DO do it right. So I get stuck in a loop because tomorrow never really comes. Hm… Gives me something to think about.

   I’m also thinking about plain old sugar addiction today. Sometimes it’s easy for me to look back at my childhood and see where the roots of my eating habits started. Until I was four I was a skinny little thing who didn’t want to eat anything. My folks were ALWAYS shoving food at me, even though the pediatrician said not to do that, that I’d eat when I was hungry. Then I got my tonsils out! All of a sudden I started eating everything in sight. The pediatrician said food probably tasted a whole lot different to me then. I’m beginning to think it was the taste of food, sugar in particular, that is the biggest issue I have. I KNOW I’m addicted to sugar because when I can manage to stay away from refine sugar for a week, I loose my desire for it. It’s all such a tangled mess, isn’t it…

   And to Abby, Laurie’s right. If we look we can find kernels of truth hidden everywhere like gold. The journalist Malcolm Muggeridge said once, “Every happening, great or small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us; and the art of life is to get the message.” So even in your joking, that little bit of wisdom was shinning through. And that’s one reason we are so important to one another. You just never know when a big gold nugget might be buried in something we say to someone else. Thanks for not being afraid to let your wonderful personality show through on here.

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   1. Sue April 23, 2014 at 1:12 am

      Cheryl, your comment about perfectionist tendencies and how that relates to the way we eat reminded me of a discussion I had with my counselor about a different issue. One of my problem areas is housework. If I can’t see a way to achieve a high standard my response is often to give up and not even try. This is similar to the attempts to lose weight. If we can’t achieve what we set out to do without being constantly reminded of our “failures” it is easier not to start. I suppose it is along the lines of “if I don’t even start I can’t fail”. What I need to see about housework and losing weight that small successes should be celebrated e.g. Can I tidy up that surface and keep it tidy for a week?; Can I have fruit instead of a biscuit at break?; Can I stop at one biscuit rather than have several at a time, frequently?; Can I fit in a 10 min walk most days?; If I do give into temptation with one item of food, can I recognise it, stop sooner and then make better choices for the rest of the day?

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      1. Cheryl April 23, 2014 at 6:12 am

         Wow, Sue, there’s a lot for me to think about there. I might just have to digest that all down to a one-line goal as I’m getting back on track here. Copied and pasted it to my notepad. Of course I, too, have that problem with housework. I guess that tendency must flow across ALL areas of our life to a certain extent. Thanks for starting my morning off with some great thoughts.

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      2. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorApril 23, 2014 at 8:32 am

         Sue, Sue, Sue, you are describing me too closely today! I’m a house work avoider of the first magnitude. I’m getting better, little by little, but clutter can fill up a room and I notice the actual cleaning that needs doing often many days before I schedule it. On the flip coin of my all of nothing thinking, I will have a spree of spring cleaning that makes both my hubby and I crazy with exhaustion. In fact, if we can’t motivate ourselves we schedule a party at the end of a week to force us into action. Weird how we are motivated by our friends seeing our home, but not by having to live in it ourselves. (Though we are both improving on that point, and taking more pride and enjoyment in regular living…hence a bit more cleaning).

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         1. Sue April 23, 2014 at 10:56 am

            Laurie, it sounds like you are describing my house! Ever wanted to invite someone round for a meal but couldn’t face the amount of tidying up needed or the embarrassment? Cleaning – you have to have it tidy enough to clean! 😉 On the plus side I am starting to push back the frontiers of the mess little by little. I can face 10 mins whereas 10 hours is too much!

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            1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorApril 23, 2014 at 1:10 pm

               Oh yes, and the dread of folks “stopping by”. We’ve at least managed to keep tidy enough now that we aren’t as mortified by that. I’m beginning to think that perfectionism is a true root to all of this. Even the compulsive eating is just another way to put off things in life… Getting interestinger and interestinger 😉
            2. Cheryl April 23, 2014 at 3:10 pm

               Best cleaning schedule I was ever on:
               Monday — bathroom
               Tuesday — kitchen
               Wednesday — living room
               Thursday — bedrooms
               Friday — TV room
               Saturday — laundry
               Sunday — an actual day of rest

               The trouble is once I get it clean it seems clean ENOUGH the next week and I sometimes wait. If I go a whole week of WAITING then I’m in a mess again! But if I stick with it, it sure works.
   2. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorApril 23, 2014 at 8:28 am

      Geez, it sure sounds like many of us lifers had our ED start around age 4, doesn’t it? I wonder if it correlates to a developmental step where we recognize our separateness from our parents and want to please? Hmm kinda deep for a morning I need to go to the dentist and then clean my house 🙂
      And I think you’re one the money with the OCD of perfection keeping us from tackling things we don’t think we can do perfectly. Diet, House Beautiful, Career aspirations. I have to wonder, why did I spend so many years in back of house technology when what I love is teaching, coaching and speaking? Don’t try, don’t fail?

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