1. Cheryl June 10, 2014 at 8:32 pm

   Very honest show, Laurie. Really felt like this one you were digging down deep. And Stefanie’s topic fit right in there. In fact, the question Stefanie asked is the one that gives me the most discouragement. That feeling of thinking I have to be on guard every single time I’m anywhere around food for the rest of my life makes me just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up. What an important subject, Stefanie.

   But as I listened to you talking about an abacus, Laurie, I had an epiphany (kind of) about the whole way of life thing (or should I say “weigh” of life, LOL). You made me think of relationships in general, and his lordship and I learned about the “checkbook” technique of relationships a long time ago. That’s where every time you do something affirmative for your spouse, partner, friend, whatever, it goes in their checkbook as a deposit. But if you do something not so great, something negative like hollerin’ at them for no good reason (or just ’cause you’re on a diet AGAIN and you’re hungry), that becomes a withdrawal. The trick in relationships is to keep that checkbook not just in balance, but with a surplus of positive stuff in there. Ideally we want WAY more deposits than withdrawals.

   It dawned on me maybe that’s the way I should be looking at the whole learning to eat better issue. Every time I make a good choice I make a deposit in my diet checkbook. Bad choice, withdrawal. Then maybe if I know that my balance is always going to be in flux, sometimes in the red, sometimes the black, perhaps the whole long-term, LIFE-term aspect of it won’t bother me so much. For one thing, it takes away the whole belief that I can get it right all the time.

   Wouldn’t it be great to actually set up a diet checkbook like that to keep track of how you did daily? All I’d need is a blank check register. Might be fun to go pick out a special checkbook cover. I’m going to have to do some thinking about that… Way to go, Laurie and Stefanie!

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorJune 12, 2014 at 6:49 am

      Cheryl you are so right that this particular episode was very authentic for me. I always try to ‘tell it like it is’, but to admit that the emotions being churned up by this process were beyond me was scary and in a weird way, unexpectedly humbling. I was also a bit shocked that Stéfanie’s Secret Topic was so on the nose for what I was thinking anyway! But I love how having another mind thinking about these topics can tweak my own thinking about them. I was reading yesterday in a book that Kendra Recommended, Intuitive Eating, that all of the hyper vigilance I’m going through now will eventually become second nature. It was compared to how much we need to concentrate learn to drive a car and how now, we don’t think much about driving the car, and think more about the road. This was very comforting to me, and very much what Stéfanie was asking about.

      I think your checkbox idea sounds interesting! I know my trusty abbacus vision has helped me quite a bit through the years. The whole notion of observing my behavior without blame, and thinking, “What can I do right NOW to move one bead to the good”, helps to stop the despair and backsliding to which I’m prone. It’s counter to black and white thinking.

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      1. Millie June 15, 2014 at 6:40 am

         Laurie, Thank you for responding to my comments and questions. I heard it on your podcast and it was helpful. Millie

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         1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorJune 15, 2014 at 9:25 am

            Hi Millie, I’m so glad. We hope that your sisters will also find some way to reach out. But until then, we are SO happy to be your companions on your journey. 🙂

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2. Stéfanie June 15, 2014 at 2:02 pm

   Abacus and checkbooks. great ideas. I like the metaphor and see how it applies very well!

   I wanted to comment some more about Millie’s question and to the wonderful discussion it provoked, revolving around support. I loved the further thoughts you shared on the podcast Laurie. It made me think:

   Although my friends and family are not in the same journey as I am, they are very supportive of me. Thank God they are still hanging in there with me, because I know I can be quite overwhelming as I talk and talk and talk a LOT about my journey, my tricks, my discoveries, my insights on this whole process… Lets face it! I used to be obsessed with consuming food, and now I transferred my obsession into talking about my food issues. So, as this is my main interest right now, a lot about the stories I tell revolve around this topic. My surroundings have been very good listeners, but they must sometimes think, in the back of their heads, that I need to get over it.

   The point I’m trying to make here is that this podcast and it’s community has been very soothing in that need I have to discuss this topic in lenght. Because I listen, discuss, comment this podcast, I am less needy with my ‘non BC’ support. In some way, thank you to BCs and to Laurie, as you are not only helping ME, but you are also relieving my loved ones! Isn’t that wonderful?? 🙂

   Laurie, I know I said this often, but let me say it again, one of the magic touches of this podcast is this COMMUNITY. I’ve listened to quite a bit of podcasts and let me tell you, this community you built around it makes it so rich and meaningful… xx

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorJune 15, 2014 at 4:24 pm

      I agree Stéfanie, that’s why I SO love when the BC’s comment to each other, and why I do the HAPPY DANCE whenever anyone calls the bravery hotline or sends me audio with permission to put it on the air. The greater our circle of support, the lighter each burden. One of the major themes I’m dealing with in therapy is my habit of isolation. I pull back and/or “Want to do everything ALL MYSELF”, because I feel I will be hurt or disappointed by others. And guess what, I WILL be. We all will from time to time. That’s why it is so important to interact, take chances and learn to tolerate non-perfection in myself and others. I love your secret topic feature because it is so freeing to just “let go” AND because your wonderful voice is very popular and it is good to have more than one voice on the show. Like salt in the soup. Differing views enhance the message.
      That is also why I think for each of us to adopt some model like the abacus or checkbook that helps us see that our choices are truly moment by moment and change is just one moment away is so powerful. It’s very hard to change 50 years of habit. Easy to think differently for 1 moment. Then those moments add up to something new. 🙂

      xx

      PS, I HAD to make a podcast to be able to talk a lot, since my surrounding loved ones just can’t handle me for as long as I go on 😉

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