1. Cheryl July 22, 2014 at 10:30 am

   Hey Laurie! Back from our cabin and trying to get caught up with things. Want to say first of all hello and welcome to our new Secret Listener from Rhode Island. We’re always so excited to have new Brave Companions come on board. The more we realize we’re not alone, the more we have those brave moments when we can actually come out and be ourselves!

   I have a quote for you from the writer Anne Lamott. She says, “I decided that the single most subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed!” Gotta love that woman’s attitude! And her quote really struck me. That’s the way I want to be, too. So welcome aboard and I hope you get brave enough soon to speak up and get to know us. Remember, there’s always strength in numbers, and there are an awful lot of us who are struggling right along with you!

   Then, Laurie, I really got where you were coming from about the asking for money issue. And I realized listening to you that I feel exactly like that about asking for pert near ANY of my needs to be met in my family. I hesitate to ask because I don’t feel like I’m deserving of their time and attention or help or whatever it is I’m needing. Truth is, I think I’ve felt that way my whole married life because my self-esteem was so shot I figured my hubby was doing me a FAVOR by marrying me. Lordy! Forty three years later I’m thinking I’ve certainly taken a lot on myself without asking anyone to help me carry the burden.

   So to you I’d say, DON’T DO THAT! Don’t continue to bare the cost of your broadcast alone if there’s a way you can get some support. Think enough of yourself, respect yourself enough to ask when you need help. Your equipment, etc., is very expensive and doesn’t last forever. I’m 100% sure that little bit of extra support would always come in handy.

   One last thought about topics for Alen’s podcast. Maybe it has to do with perfection, but then again maybe not. Maybe it’s a fear of another kind altogether. But here it is: I have realized recently that not finishing anything I start (especially creatively) is an avoidance tactic of mine. Let’s face it. If I don’t finish it, then I never have to take that next step which would scare the tar out of me! (This doesn’t ALWAYS apply to housework. I do finish that — occasionally! LOL) So there you have it. How does one overcome the “next step syndrome?”

   Great podcast!

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorJuly 28, 2014 at 9:36 am

      Hi Cheryl, this post is filled with SO much food for thought and wise things to consider. I wanted to give it time to “perk” in my brain, since I’ve been distracted since my latest bike travail.

      Then, Laurie, I really got where you were coming from about the asking for money issue. And I realized listening to you that I feel exactly like that about asking for pert near ANY of my needs to be met in my family. I hesitate to ask because I don’t feel like I’m deserving of their time and attention or help or whatever it is I’m needing. Truth is, I think I’ve felt that way my whole married life because my self-esteem was so shot I figured my hubby was doing me a FAVOR by marrying me. Lordy! Forty three years later I’m thinking I’ve certainly taken a lot on myself without asking anyone to help me carry the burden.

      I think, my friend, you have uncovered a MAJOR root for me, AND for you! We figure everyone who is associating with us are doing US a BIG favor, totally discounting the value we bring as workers, wives, friends, humans on the planet. THAT’s why the money made me feel like a thief for so long. That’s why if *I* didn’t care about something I could charge – “Well if it’s that important to YOU I guess I can take your money, no skin off of me,” but IF IT’S MEANINGFUL to me, I attribute the same worthlessness to my endeavors as I attribute to myself, therefore it is WRONG to ask for, or take money. (or praise, or help, or anything else that supports it). Wow! What a big, big, item for me to bring to therapy, and what a great lightbulb moment for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

      My therapist was right. My learned low self-worth is coloring all my judgement. On food, on friends, on relationships, on business, everything! The more I learn to value myself in a rational way (vs. over valuing and heading into the puffed up territory – one of my BIG fears), the better I can make good decisions for myself and in my interactions with others. I think by learning to value ourselves, truly, it opens us to truly love and value others in a likewise, balanced and truer way.

      PS, I LOVE your topic idea, and sent it off to Alen. Hope he likes it as much as I do!
      xoxoxoxox

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      1. Cheryl July 30, 2014 at 11:11 am

         Your comment about what we bring as “workers” really resonated with me, too. My friend wanted me to come work in her copy shop for the summer (I was teaching kindergarten at the time) and I just thought I couldn’t do that. I’d screw up all the time. So I told her no. But a few weeks later she needed someone to help fill in for a week so I volunteered just to come hang around and do what I could (hopefully without mucking stuff up). Long story short, I did, and before the summer was out I was working for her. By the time she sold the shop eight years later, I was managing it.

         I confess I still can’t quite get my mind around the difference of being paid versus volunteering. One scares the heck out of me and the other just comes naturally. I guess it’s all part and parcel of what we were talking about up there…

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         1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorJuly 30, 2014 at 11:29 am

            Cheryl, I can only tell you what I’ve realized about that for myself. Volunteering takes the cost of failing off my shoulders. I am always prone to doing as good of a job as I can, but deep down, I expect to disappoint or screw up. (Comes deep from my past). So if I do the job for super cheap or free, no biggie. You got what you paid for. If I accept the expected amount or more in payment for my job/project/thing, then YOU will expect to get your money’s worth i.e., I will NOT disappoint or screw up. In fact, YOUR money’s worth in my compulsive brain is my perfection. (impossible). I don’t want anyone to find out I’m not perfect, flawed, not good enough, so I like to keep expectations really low. Therefore it TERRIFIES me to ask for money. Whew, maybe it’s ok I had to reschedule last week’s therapy due to my accident 😉

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            1. Cheryl July 30, 2014 at 9:33 pm

               Exactly how I feel! Couldn’t have said it better myself.
2. Diane August 13, 2014 at 6:19 am

   WELCOME! to the new Brave Companion from RHODE ISLAND!!!!

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3. Rachel November 8, 2014 at 11:32 am

   Still listening and catching up. Husband at football so had a whole afternoon to myself with time to listen and complete outstanding tasks and housework. I love it when you are with me Laurie. Chores don’t seem so long and are much more enjoyable. Not much to watch on TV or listen to on the radio so fills a gap there. Would like to congratulate Amy for speaking on the bravery hotline after a cookie (or as we would say in the UK, biscuit) binge. Not an easy thing to do as it is such a secretive condition where we tend not to share with others. I would say at least you showed awareness and stopped with one to go. That is excellent progress and the key is not to berate yourself like you said so as not to start the process again because you binge to take away the self hatred and disgust. It breaks the binge cycle. The more you practice the better it becomes. So well done from me.
   I wonder if this is a topic for discussion or thought sometime? I find completing tasks really hard especially when I perceive them to be difficult. I know procrastination is linked to self esteem and perfectionism, but I also find that like today everything is an effort and I am resenting the regular chores such as washing, changing the bed,cleaning and cooking. I am not a domestic goddess by any means, but there are regular things we need to do like ironing and meal planning otherwise I will not be ready for the next week. I am really resenting this today, but know if I do them then it will leave time to do more enjoyable things like sewing and making Christmas cards. Wondered how everyone else tackles this problem? I usually make a list and have learned to address the item which I have the most resistance to first, but sometimes my brain won’t even work to do this. Overeating ensues as I feel bad about myself for not having done it. The other thing is getting caught up in getting things out of the way and then not having time to do other long standing tasks. I think the key here is to do things bit by bit. Say for example make one Christmas card at a time rather than aim to make all 30!! or sort out one piece of post. I know this is linked to high expectations of myself and perfectionism, but does anyone have any suggestions or tips to tackle this?
   Thank you so much for your honesty again Laurie it’s really making me think about my own life and core beliefs. So many similarities.
   The other thing is that the clocks have changed and it really affects me. Am now feeling tired at 5pm because this is when it starts getting dark. Plan to go to bed early to counteract this, but only after I have binged first. What’s that all about?
   Keeping positive still. All the best
   Rachel x

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorNovember 9, 2014 at 7:42 am

      Greetings Rachel! I’m glad that the show is making tasks and even the dreaded (for me) housework easier. Yes, procrastination has been peppered through my show and blog posts lately. Our clocks changed too, and it is making it very tough. I sure wish we would just PICK one and stick all year round. It makes me sleepy and fatigued for several weeks after each time change. I think, Rachel you write about an important point when you say you tackle your tasks bit by bit. And Since procrastination HAS been so much on our radar, I will use your comment on day 87’s show to spark more conversation about it. And I know Amy will appreciate the encouragement. Thanks so much for writing your thoughts as you move through the programs. Hugs, xoxoxoxoxo

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   2. Stéfanie November 12, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      Rachel, you and I have the same love-hate relashionship to the chores list 🙂 Some days, I litteraly look at my dishes and feel immediate lascitude: “I’ll be doing dishes all my life”… this repetitive task gets me down. Some days, I feel zen about dishes. As I make the dishes, I let my thoughts wonder and feel in some meditative state. Some days, I am energetic and I just tackle the task easily without attaching any feeling to it. I just get it done
      so the point i am trying to make here is about aknowledging your feelings and accepting them. I think it’s all about accepting our that our feelings towards the list and the chores (and life in general) in a non-judgemental way. When you wrote your post, you were in that mood. And that’s perfectly fine. All feelings pass, come, and go…

      (Easier said then done. Believe me, I know…. it’s an on going struggle for me too lol)

      Stéfanie 🙂

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4. Rachel November 10, 2014 at 7:03 am

   Thank you for your kind reply Laurie and thrilled that my comments may help others along their journey. I am certainly learning much more about myself, as are you, I’m sure. Always good to compare experiences and share. There is a relaxation script for procrastination on inner health studio. A great resource for relaxation and free to use.
   About the clocks changing. I think we sometimes forget how finely tuned we are to changes as the human animal and sleep is certainly a big one for me.
   Positive strokes
   Rachel xxx

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   1. Sue November 10, 2014 at 8:56 am

      Greetings Rachel. As a fellow Brit, I know what you mean about the clocks changing. It seems to be taking ages for my body clock to adjust and I “feel” it is much later than it is. I dislike housework too and find it hard to get motivated, especially when the “rewards” of all the work are very temporary. I have more incentive now as I suffer from asthma and so start coughing when it is too dusty. The perfectionism/procrastination link is very strong!

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5. Pingback: PNP049 Laurie Weaver Followup: Being a Perfectionist, Voice Acting, Bravery and Intuitive Eating

6. Jo June 22, 2017 at 9:29 am

   I wonder who in the uk is still on this journey with you Laurie. Hello again Brave Companions, so many years behind but I am loving catching up. Minor success last night, despite having a bit of a crazy 20 minutes of eating dates, apricots, 2 chocolate covered ice cream ices and a packet of salt and pepper cashews. I cooked dinner and could not face it. It was not what I wanted, so I threw it away and my robot aliens started reminding me I had more ice creams in the freezer so I could eat those. It was the hottest June day since 1972 yesterday and while that was a very appealing idea I said “no I am full and not feeling like eating anymore” and went for a walk to deliver a card to someone who moved into my area yesterday. Today’s success was attending a conference and thinking the treats looked good, so I took one of each and if they were good that was eaten and enjoyed and if they were disappointing they were spat out into a napkin, or the one small bite was swallowed and the rest was discarded – so whilst I still feel a little out of control I feel more in control than I would have done before!
   Some of this is just down to listening to you and the brave companions and some is down to me!! Loving the journey Laurie you have been doing great the last few episodes and excited to find it how things turn out as I get more episodes under my belt – you are one hell of a walking companion. I care xx

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorJune 22, 2017 at 10:59 am

      Hi Jo! I know Sue from the UK is still actively listening and participating, and I know a few who listen, but don’t participate as much. Next show I’ll read your comment to celebrate your bravery report moment AND to ask if any UK BCs want to say hello. 🙂 Thanks too for your coffee gift, it was a huge surprise and we appreciate it very, very much. It is fun to follow along with you, and had to re-listen to the first part of day 64 to find out what I let go of, since I was mysterious in my show notes! 😉 Thanks too for letting me know you care too. xoxoxoxox

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      1. Sue Gordon June 22, 2017 at 3:17 pm

         Hi Jo
         It is lovely to hear from new listeners and even more special to hear from someone this side of the pond. It has been so hot by our standards, but it seems like our heatwave is over. Where are you in the U.K.? I am currently in Yorkshire but hope to move to Scotland soon. Xx

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         1. Jo June 23, 2017 at 3:00 am

            Hey there Sue, I am way down south in Bedfordshire. Visiting Wales in July and Scotland in August to see friends and family! I hope your plans to move to Scotland are coming along nicely. I love how beautiful our little island is! Is it bad I am glad that the heatwave is over as we are just not designed for it 😏😂 so pleased to meet you.
            Xx

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