1. Cheryl September 6, 2014 at 6:26 pm

   Stefanie’s Secret Topic in this podcast is near and dear to my heart. I’ve struggled all my life with feeling lonely, and silence can certainly exacerbate that feeling. It’s not that I can’t handle peace and quiet. There are times when my mind gets so polluted with background noise I just have no space to think, so I tend to drive without the radio on or keep the TV, internet, or stereo off for extended periods during the day. But that’s different.

   I think I’ve focused so much on the idea that when my mind is disengaged all these unwanted, damaging emotions that cause me to eat will come flooding in and wreak havoc with my food issues that I’ve become wary of silence. But the more I’ve pondered on it over the years, the more I’ve come to believe that the “unease” of silence isn’t necessarily about unsettling emotions; sometimes it’s just that loneliness and aloneness are not feelings we, as humans, were EVER meant to experience at all.

   Whether you believe life was orchestrated by the same creator or came about by something akin to a big bang where we all come from a common goo, I think we were meant to live in relationship. I suspect, for myself, that when I eat out of loneliness, I’m substituting food for much needed companionship in my life. Other people may gamble to fill up their empty holes, some exercise, some spend, some drink… And on and on it goes. So I have to wonder if those addictive behaviors happen because some of us really are seeking connection in a world that values competitiveness and self-reliance. It’s like what I said, Laurie, about your filling your life up with all these new experiences and people. Suddenly food doesn’t hold the same sway over you that it did before.

   Science has proven that practicing different types of silence like meditation has great positive effects on our body. And yet many of us are wary of it. Including me. I fear the loneliness of silence; I fear being separate, not having someone to take care of me. And so I eat to excess to calm myself and say, “Hey! I’M here for ya, girlfriend! What am I? Chopped liver? It’s you and me against the world.” I guess no matter what our reason for being uncomfortable with silence, maybe practicing PRACTICING silence would be a very good thing. Maybe it would take some of the food fear away?

   (By the way, Laurie, I smiled at your comment about your blanket. I’m a blanket-roller-upper, too. Perhaps it meets the same need as swaddling a baby. Who knows…)

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   1. Marquita September 7, 2014 at 12:27 pm

      Hello all,

      Stephanie’s question is very thought provoking, and I also seem to need to “feel full, or stuffed” as she suggested. Which leads me to Cheryl’s comment about how we, as humans, desire companionship and relationship. My emptiness does, indeed, stem from a lack of human connection. But, for much of my life I have isolated my self; for many reasons. I have been alone and in silence often, especially out in nature. I have more trouble being around people than being in silence. Yet, there is that sadness and loneliness that creeps in from lack of a human connection. Being around people is not always anxiety provoking, but I find myself at home, with food, more often. Wow! Both Stephanie and Cheryl have got me thinking a lot on this one!

      Laurie, I enjoyed ep 74 and wish you all the best on your singing lesson! That’s wonderful! Also, I didn’t even turn bright red or hyperventilate when you read my comment on air…progress!!

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      1. Cheryl September 7, 2014 at 1:11 pm

         Marquita, your comment hit home, too. I know that just being “around” people is not the same thing as connecting. It’s an awful feeling to be in a roomful of people and still feel totally alone. Can even happen when those people are friends. Same thing can be said about a marriage. Connecting means something far different than just being WITH people, doesn’t it… Connecting is a very precious things…

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      2. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorSeptember 8, 2014 at 10:28 am

         Hugs to you, dear Marquita

         My emptiness does, indeed, stem from a lack of human connection. But, for much of my life I have isolated my self; for many reasons. I have been alone and in silence often, especially out in nature. I have more trouble being around people than being in silence. Yet, there is that sadness and loneliness that creeps in from lack of a human connection.

         I appreciate your reaching out to us, and for adding your thoughtful comments. Isolation feels so very safe, doesn’t it? It’s kind of like being “The Little Prince” at home on his asteroid. But this small, safe zone can begin to feel confining and cramped, and we wish for a companion to share our thoughts with. That’s the magic of this blog and show for me. Here I am, alone in my world, and yet, there you are! You share my world even though we are not side by side. It is so very comforting to feel no longer alone. It is so wonderful to know you are there too. Thanks again for joining us on our journey.

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   2. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorSeptember 8, 2014 at 10:18 am

      This thought really resonated with me Cheryl. I’ve felt so alone in my life. The lack of connection, the lack of purpose, the lack of knowing who I really am. I did cover this up with food, thoughts of food, music, TV in the background, anything to keep from having that empty lack. I think, in a way, social media can become a substitute for human connection. Liking and surfing is so much more easy than engaging. That’s why I so appreciate your taking the time to so thoughtfully comment here. Even though we aren’t in the same US “state”, we can share ideas, feelings and “state of mind”. In this case, I think the social technology that allows the podcast and the blog here are actually bringing us all together, or at least letting us connect within ourselves, a bit more authentically. In fact the seeming distance of my being alone while recording lets me be safely authentic in a way I might not if you were all sitting in a room with me (at least at first). And the feeling of distance works for the brave companions too, I think. Some may feel safer to comment here, or to call the bravery hotline, than to speak out loud to a friend or even a therapist.

      I think I’ve focused so much on the idea that when my mind is disengaged all these unwanted, damaging emotions that cause me to eat will come flooding in and wreak havoc with my food issues that I’ve become wary of silence. But the more I’ve pondered on it over the years, the more I’ve come to believe that the “unease” of silence isn’t necessarily about unsettling emotions; sometimes it’s just that loneliness and aloneness are not feelings we, as humans, were EVER meant to experience at all.

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2. Cheryl September 8, 2014 at 12:11 pm

   I feel like I want to leave the quote I shared with you at Spark People on here for others to see, because no matter what size we are, what our personality type, or how brave or cowardly we feel we are, it’s absolutely true. We are SO, SO much more than the numbers on a scale.

   “The meaning of life is to find your gift; the purpose of life is to give it away.” (Wm. Shakespeare)

   And it has NOTHING to do with what we eat. I hope everyone takes that quote to heart.

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3. Marquita September 8, 2014 at 12:52 pm

   Cheryl, you are so right about having an authentic connection to another person. It is rare I feel that, but finding Laurie’s website has helped me to feel “connected” to others. Probably because we share a common bond.

   Laurie, thank you for the hugs. And I love the Little Prince analogy! This IS a safe zone here, for me.
   Technology is definitely a double edge sword. It keeps connected and also dis-connected. I find airports fascinating, as 95% of the people are staring at their phones!! Where is the real human connection there?!

   I understand your feelings of ” The lack of connection, the lack of purpose, the lack of knowing who I really am.” I feel if we have been shamed during our lives, the things you mentioned are prevalent because it has felt unsafe to be authentic.

   I feel so blessed to have found this website, Laurie, and to share stories with you and the brave companions. There is much wisdom to be gleaned from here. I feel less lonely. Thank you.

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4. Dawny September 9, 2014 at 7:31 am

   I so love this place Laurie, thank you =-) I am feeling such a connection with ALL the bc’s, and you as well Laurie. I just got to this episode today Tuesday, and it was well worth the wait. Life has been a whirl-wind for me as of late, and.. full of a lot of too much food, and although Ive been feeling ‘heavy’ and kind of fighting the ‘diet mentality’ demonds in my head because of it, after hearing the AMAZING Stéfanie from Quebec’s secret topic with Laurie, your reply OH EM GEE!! it all became clear to me!!! Ive NOT been FEELING my FEELINGS, ive been FEEDING them and didn’t even realize it until I heard this piece of the episode! WOWSA, ive been on edge lately, Ive got several job prospects going on right now, 2 im waiting impatiently for calls from with a decision to hire or not, that were due at any day now, and I think that internally I am ‘eating’ this emotion for lack of ‘knowing’ any other way to deal with it, since I too have always been just as you have described laurie, ALWAYS having SOMETHING planned, doing, thinking of eating, what’s the next meal, what’s the next activity ALWAYS doing something, and now that im NOT doing that, wow, and seriously JUST LISTENING to this, made me think about it and REALIZE it, and NOW I can sigh a HUGE SIGH of relief and remember I will NOT be fixed over night, it’s baby steps, progress NOT perfection, and Im getting there, and NOW having the insight to what’s going on, oh my.. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU just saying =-)
   all these comments here too, it’s all so encouraging and helpful..

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5. Dawny September 9, 2014 at 7:32 am

   also wanted to say how proud I am of you Laurie, your voice acting class, your singing lessons.. YOU GO SHE-ro…. wahooooooooooooooooooooooo I hope it’s going well =-)

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6. Sophie September 9, 2014 at 1:27 pm

   A big hello from Scotland! X

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorSeptember 9, 2014 at 1:29 pm

      Hi Sophie, we are so in sync, no lie, I JUST came down the mountain where I recorded Day 75 – editing it now, and I SWEAR I featured my instagram name, said I like to follow people back to see all of the places in the world, and THEN said “Hi Sophie” I love to see what you are up to in Scotland! 😉 Scary spooky….whhoooooo hooooo

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      1. Sophie September 9, 2014 at 1:32 pm

         Oooh that’s spooky! Well it’s half 9 in the evening here and instead of getting myself ready for bed I’ve decided to say YES to going out to meet a friend for a late night diet coke 🙂 I’ll post an instagram photo for you so you can see exactly what I’m up to 🙂 woooooo!

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         1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorSeptember 9, 2014 at 1:33 pm

            Wonderful, I would LOVE to see the Scotish diet coke 😉 Have fun!

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7. Stéfanie September 10, 2014 at 4:45 pm

   Hi Bc’s.
   Thanks for all that great insight on fullness and emptiness. Listening to Laurie’s reply and reading this thread sends an echo to my own story.

   Marquita, I just heard you on 75. You are brave. And girl, can I ever binge on peanut butter AND nutella (both on the same toast). So, I hear you xx

   Cheryl, i am carrying that shakespeare quote in my mind for a while. It’s very powerful.

   Welcome to the community Sophie!

   And Dawny…. I feel you…. if only we could turn that to-do list off…

   Stéfanie xx

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorSeptember 14, 2014 at 6:50 am

      Bonjour Stéfanie, thanks for the Secret Topic, it sure was GREAT for discussion 🙂
      Hope house and other projects are going well. I know it’s a busy time, and I’m glad to see you!
      xoxoxoxox

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