1. Stéfanie September 17, 2014 at 5:58 pm

   Hi Dawny!
   I loved that feature with Dawny and hearing about your story was great. I look forward to listen to other stories too! Dawny you are great with words and I love that bubbly aura you have, so chearful and willing to share. I can’t wait to hear your follow up in a month 🙂

   Dear Laurie,
   About your episode, I respect your wish to keep your private life PRIVATE. You are already more than generous to share what you do share with us and we are blessed to get a peek into your intimate relashion to food and related matters. I feel very privileged that you let us in.

   What struck me about this is not the (private) content of your sadness, but it’s opposition to the great things that are happening in your life. I maybe reading too much into this as they are some missing pieces of the puzzle, but I wonder if you ofter feel like me: feeling very happy and within a short moment after, feeling very sad.

   When I live a great moment, a sense of accomplishment, a proudness, I am exhilirated, elated. Soon after, for some odd reason I can’t quite grasp yet, I have this little depression. It usualy goes like this:

   1) a great peak of joy happens in my life. I am on cloud 9. Brave, proud, optimist about life.
   2) time goes by and soon enough, some invasive negative though comes to my mind about something that lacks in my life. This thought grows inside and the sadness comes.
   3) I feel extremely guilty about feeling this way and I am mad with myself because I should ‘appreciate more’ instead of letting negative thoughts carry my mind.

   And I wonder…
   – is it self-sabotage?
   – is it possibly guilt, and maybe is some weird twisted way, I don’t feel I deserve hapiness?
   – is it a biological normal ‘downfall’ that follows an adrenaline rush?
   – is it in my character of melancholic or perfectionnist?
   – is it me being a drama queen… why can’t I just live life without worries… why do I overanalyse so much…

   I might be completely off track here with your own story, but this is what your episode got me thinking about. Although I can aknowledge I have this pattern, I’m not quite sure what to do with it yet! I guess I’ll let it sit in my mind for a while…

   Big hug xx

   PS Helen, loved you foolish fun, I told your joke at the office today 😉

   Reply ↓
   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorSeptember 19, 2014 at 6:34 pm

      Hi Stéfanie, thanks for writing such a compassionate and thoughtful comment. Your list gave me much to think about.

      And I wonder…
      – is it self-sabotage?
      – is it possibly guilt, and maybe is some weird twisted way, I don’t feel I deserve hapiness?
      – is it a biological normal ‘downfall’ that follows an adrenaline rush?
      – is it in my character of melancholic or perfectionnist?
      – is it me being a drama queen… why can’t I just live life without worries… why do I overanalyse so much…

      I think part of this lull is reaction to my moving forward. It is different for me to actually ‘go for things’, but also, I am dealing with some real issues that are preying on my mind and heart as well. And since my reactions are still all twisted up in knots, it just feels like one big stew of unhappy lumps. I also realize how hard it is for me to ask for help, and EVEN harder to accept it when it comes. That was a big discussion in my last therapy. Why can’t I let love and help in past my defenses? I don’t want to write all of my details, but it is basically that I learned very early in life that to be weak or appear to be needy causes people to actually leave, or to emotionally leave. That being happy, strong, independent and self-sufficient is the only safe course. Of course, no person can accomplish this 100% of the time. So my defense to that, was to isolate and build walls, so that I can control when you might see me. If you offer love or help, then I am obviously being discovered as weak or needy. So this, feels dangerous to me. Now logically, I know this to be the opposite. But the feelings of threat and danger are real, so now THAT is a fine pickle (English saying, for big mess). When I need help, if I get some, I feel threatened. If I protect myself from help to NOT feel threatened, I feel alone. So I’m having to learn to tolerate the threatened feelings and ask for and then ACCEPT help. Sigh. It is exhausting. Besides my real troubles, my protective armor is causing more troubles. Sometimes, I just want to not think so much. But alas, that isn’t how I am wired. Thank goodness for the chance to record for you all. And DOUBLE thanks that you listen to it. I am still amazed by that.

      Thanks again for the support, and for taking the time to comment. I truly appreciate it, especially right now. Hugs.
      -L

      Reply ↓
2. Cheryl September 18, 2014 at 8:50 am

   Interesting show. So many of the fears and feelings you shared are common to all of us. Especially, for me, the idea that we’re bothering people when we dare to mention our blue moods.

   For the last year as we’ve struggled financially to try to get ready for his lordship’s retirement, I have felt so bummed. It seems as if I’m in a down mood all the time. And like you, I just got the impression that “the girls” (my six homies) were just getting sick of my yakking about it. And that probably was just ME, not them. One thing I know, however, is when you FEAR something, if you can’t talk about it and release a bit of that worry, it will drive you nuts.

   And despite that, I did the same thing as you. I’ve been close to these women for going on 20 years. We do tons of stuff together, have helped raise each other’s kids, been there through the good and bad times for each other. But all of a sudden I stopped calling when I needed an ear. I stopped accepting lunch invitations. When we were together I’d just sit and keep my mouth shut except to offer THEM what they needed. Then I’d go home and cry because I felt so alone. If anyone could understand what I was going through, it should be these guys, but I couldn’t make myself be transparent anymore.

   But I was hiding because I didn’t want to tax our friendships so much they would leave. That’s pretty stupid thinking as I write it here. I think I have to get to the place where if I’m free in relationships and people don’t like that and choose to leave, that’s THEIR problem, not mine, because if the shoe were on the other foot, I’d sure as heck sit and listen to them. I’m getting there.

   Stefanie, I LOVED your comment. I am exactly that way, too, so your list of reasons you were wondering about was very interesting. As I was reading through it, one in particular stuck out to me: “…is it possibly guilt, and maybe is some weird twisted way, I don’t feel I deserve happiness?” OMG! My insides just curled up in a ball. I am ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS waiting for the other shoe to drop. How can a person be very happy living with that kind of dread? Obviously there’s lots of emotion that question brought up for me. I need to sit with that one awhile.

   Dawny and Laurie, your Skype conversation sounded so good. And Dawny, your personality just sparkles over the air. I really enjoyed listening to you guys. Great show!

   Reply ↓
   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorSeptember 19, 2014 at 6:49 pm

      Boy can I relate to this one.

      But I was hiding because I didn’t want to tax our friendships so much they would leave. That’s pretty stupid thinking as I write it here. I think I have to get to the place where if I’m free in relationships and people don’t like that and choose to leave, that’s THEIR problem, not mine, because if the shoe were on the other foot, I’d sure as heck sit and listen to them. I’m getting there.

      The difference between your experience and mine is that I don’t usually stick around long enough to develop long lasting friendships in real life as you have done. So brava that you have this group. I have usually had one friend at a time, if I had close friend at all, and if that friend got too close, I found a way to escape. I’m like the Peter Pan of friendship that way. Trying to get better at that.

      Back to you my friend, I think you have demonstrated that you have every right to share your burdens with your homies, because I know you have surely shared theirs. But it is hard, isn’t it to risk that openness. Have you had experience in the past where you got burned when you showed you weren’t the caretaker or the strong one? These feelings are certainly close to the bone, and I salute you for having the bravery to share them here.

      Retirement is financially very scary, no matter how prepared. So I understand your struggle and your fears. On the positive side, retirement is wonderful in letting us discover who we are, even though it’s a BIG shock after working so many years. So his Lordship may have a bit of a bumpy ride for a while after the event. And you, to have him around, will have some adjusting too (if Mark and my experience rings true for you too!)

      Hugs Hugs Hugs

      I’m also glad you liked our Skype experiment. I was pleased how it turned out and it was so fun chatting with Dawny.

      Reply ↓
3. Dawny September 18, 2014 at 9:23 am

   I love this episode =~} it did help my being a featured segment but I do just love this podcast anyway =~}

   Thanks for all the positives shared with me. I like to be happy =~}. And well I’m a talkative people person and talking with and to Laurie feels so natural.

   Loved your trouble shooting thru not disclosing what’s really going on Laurie. Sometimes just talking it thru opens up some thinkings =~}

   Reply ↓
   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorSeptember 19, 2014 at 6:50 pm

      Ah shucks, it was just a bucket of fun chatting with you! 😉

      Reply ↓

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.