1. Cheryl October 23, 2014 at 3:18 pm

   What a poignantly, heart-felt episode. Having watched you prepare for the YWCA group, and knowing your hopes for the forum on Spark People, it could have been very traumatic for you to let go of both those projects. And yet I think I hear in your voice a calm acceptance that says you know you made the right decision (like me giving up on those darn piano lessons). I think learning to let go shows such a maturity and wisdom. And I know it’s harder than all get out to do. So I hope that, despite the disappointment, there’s a wellspring of relief in you and the satisfaction of knowing you gave those projects your best shot.

   So many of us are faced with a long list of “stuff” we feel we have to do each day. Sometimes it helps to make a list and see which one(s) you feel the most energy coming from. Those are the ones you choose to focus on. Might be one or two, might be a half-dozen if your a super organizer. That’s a common practice with writing prompts. For example: Write down your five worst fears. Now pick the one with the most energy, set your timer for ten minutes, and write about it. It’s kind of amazing when you limit yourself to the things that are energizing in your life what you can truly accomplish. Like this podcast! (Or what you may find out from a writing prompt!) Maybe it’s a good way to be drawn to the things that truly are meaningful and make us healthy.

   Just a response To Stefanie’s comment from Day 82. Sometimes I think we don’t KNOW at the time whether we really mean those off the cuff remarks me make. The day my mother died, she wasn’t answering her phone so I had to go to her house, and break a basement window to get in. When I called to her on my way up the stairs and she didn’t answer, the thought that went through my head was, “Please let her be dead.”

   I know exactly what that sounds like. And to my own ears that’s what I THOUGHT it sounded like at that moment. But what I was really thinking was that I didn’t want her to have lain somewhere all by herself in pain all night. I couldn’t have stood knowing she’d been all alone and unable to get to the phone. As it turned out, she had died quietly in her sleep from pneumonia. And I ended up in grief counseling because of the guilt I felt over that damn thought that went through my head in a moment of panic.

   So I STRONGLY agree with what Stefanie said. It’s ok to express our feelings in emotional comments, but we should be aware that in all likelihood we’re having a bit of a traumatic response to something, and in time it will pass. Our emotions will even out, and we may even see a silver lining in that cloud that’s hanging over our head.

   Quick hello to Amy and Lauren from down under! It’s so great to have you here. (And speaking of clouds, I heartily recommend a book I just read by Aussie author Tim Winton, “Cloudstreet.” Very unusual and engaging.)

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorOctober 24, 2014 at 3:52 pm

      Thanks my friend, I am doing more than fine. Thanks for the writing prompt tip, that is really interesting! Today I’m on a solo adventure and having a wonderful time. I am firmly facing the future and enjoying myself. Mark had to turn off the water to repair plumbing and wanted me out of his hair for the day, so off adventuring I went. First, and early morning hike, then I drove my convertible down to Burbank and saw a movie, bought a new outfit – the first in a LONG time, bought a piece of chocolate for later from Sees, had just what I wanted for lunch, and now I’m binge watching HGTV in my room. Will go swimming late. So much fun, and I put many photos if my adventure on Instagram. Feel more free and peaceful than I have for a long time, and the clothes I bought were 18s slim slacks and size 0W (wtf?) shirt – so I’m not as fat as I’ve been feelings. Thanks too for all of your participation on the episode. Brave all over! Hugs.

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      1. Cheryl October 24, 2014 at 4:13 pm

         You had an Artist’s Date!!! That’s exactly what Julia Cameron would have recommended for you in The Artist’s Way. Geez… I need me one of them! good for you.

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2. Jessica Lawlor October 23, 2014 at 5:17 pm

   Wow! Thank you so much for including me as the resource of the day. What an honor! I’m thrilled you enjoyed the post. xox

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorOctober 23, 2014 at 5:19 pm

      Thank YOU for such an insightful article 🙂

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3. Amy from WI October 24, 2014 at 4:59 am

   Thanks for the reminder to come here and communicate! My thoughts regarding your need to let things go were similar to Cheryl’s. I know that you were very excited, and nervous, about the YMCA group, so it must have been really hard to let it go. On the other hand, you proved that you could do it, and that there is some interest. My thoughts right from the beginning that having a group in the middle of the afternoon really limits who can come. As a working person, I wouldn’t have been able to come no matter how much I would have wanted to. Perhaps you’ll want to try again in the future, and perhaps now.

   I think that it is impressive that you were honest with yourself about what was working and what wasn’t. Just three days ago, I had to do the same thing with regards to Intuitive Eating, as I was doing it. Well, as I wasn’t doing it! I had fallen into the “eat anything you want whenever you want for whatever reason you want” practice, and I could feel that I was gaining weight and (more importantly) I was feeling really awful physically, mentally, and emotionally. I made the decision to put some parameters around my eating by going back to counting calories on MyFitnessPal. I’m hoping to use this as a bridge to real Intuitive Eating. Some of my thoughts right now are that I will not eat when I’m not hungry just because I have calories left. I won’t force myself to go hungry just because I am out of calories. I WILL work more to pay attention to what my body wants, and to how the food is making me feel. If I make progress in this direction, I will go a day without counting here and there and gradually let that go at some point. Who knows how this will work out, but it feels good to me right now. I can tell that I’m eating less because I am actually experiencing hunger again. They key is to go ahead and eat when I’m hungry!

   This sure is a journey, and I just had to take an unexpected turn on the path 🙂 Listening to your podcast is such a huge help to me, and I want you to know how important you are to me! Thanks….Amy

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorOctober 24, 2014 at 3:54 pm

      Amy, thanks for being brave and coming to post here. I know it’s not the most fun when you are feeling that things aren’t going as you wanted or expected, but it sounds like you are cutting yourself slack and moving forward in a way that makes you comfortable. Well done! I also thought the time, among other things, was problematic with the group, and am taking it all as lessons learned and getting ready to find a new way. I DID find out that a real life version of the show DOES work, if people are there 🙂

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4. Dawny October 24, 2014 at 10:42 am

   After listening today to the last two podcasts and then the additional glorious gift of Reading what everyone’s said here is awesome. I can relate on several levels with both shows, what you laurie are thinking/feeling AND to what my fellow brave companions have shared.

   I’m thankful for each of us that we have each other. Everyday is a winding road. As the song goes.

   Everyday learning and traveling.

   Thank you

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorOctober 24, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      Hugs, hugs, hugs Dear Dawny. Life, as you say is full of turns and I’m glad ONE of those was the chance to get to know your wonderful self! xoxoxoxox

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5. Lauren October 24, 2014 at 1:46 pm

   Hi Laurie,

   Thanks so much for the “shout out” in this episode!!

   I’ve listening to your old episodes in the car on my commute to work. I’ve just finished episode 11 and I have to say my heart broke for you listening to how upset you were about Daily Adventure Tales not working out the way you had hoped. I was going to comment on that post but what I wanted to say is kinda relevant to today as well.

   I group therapy we talked about how most people have sort of a wall between them and the outside world – so they don’t let little bumps in the road or an offhand negative comment affect them too much. Then there are other people who only really seem to have a piece of tissue paper in front of them – they let everything affect them so personally! I know I am like this – I have this big story going on in my head about what a bad person I am.

   Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (or ACT) is a good way for dealing with these “stories” we tell ourselves about how horrible, worthless etc we are. The trick is to learn to just observe and let go of this inner dialogue rather than trying to wrestle or argue with it or stuff it down with food (or any other destructive behaviour). I’ve found it really helpful.

   In the end – you have to do what is right for you. The group is a big commitment and if it’s not working out that’s ok!! It doesn’t say anything about you personally. Also, I think we can get a bit obsessed with the whole letting go thing – maybe it’s also ok to hold on to your Winnie the Poo collection just for the sentimental value. I still have my teddy from when I was a baby too 🙂

   Till next time!
   Lauren from Down Under

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorOctober 24, 2014 at 4:00 pm

      Hi Lauren, you are VERY welcome. Your blog is very heart-felt and interesting. I highly recommend it, and don’t be surprised to find yourself as resource of the day one of these episodes. Remember, when you listen to old episodes, they are very much in the past. I record as I feel THAT day. But I find it interesting to go back from time to time myself. It is interesting to hear about your therapy. I have a therapist as well and have to say that was a GREAT decision as the more I succeeded with NOT using food to cover up feelings, I realized I needed professional help to deal with some of them. Winnie and co are still happy on my dresser for now. 🙂

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6. Stéfanie October 25, 2014 at 6:07 am

   Laurie,
   I salute your courage to let go of these big pieces. I too, as Cheryl, am impressed by your calm and maturity. You do not sound devastated. With your very busy schedule, this extra time for yourself will be good!

   Lauren from down under, welcome to the BC’s!!!

   Amy,
   You and I are exactly at the same place. I want to be intuitive but I need the structure for now. This summer has been hectic and I gained 13 pounds. Plus I just found out I have a hip bursitis :(. I need to get back on track. It’s not just the weight…. it’s the shame, the sadness that comes with it….

   To all BC’s,

   I am also newly on Instagram @ lepage.stefanie if anyone wants to add me!!! It will be a health-focused Thread for now, as I am hoping that this new media will give me a little motivation.

   Stéfanie 🙂

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   1. Amy from WI October 25, 2014 at 6:13 am

      Stefanie,
      I followed you on Instagram. Try hard to let go of that shame. You are a wonderful person, the size of your body in no way changes that!

      Amy

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      1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorOctober 25, 2014 at 6:36 am

         HI Stéfanie I followed you back too! I think you will LOVE Instagram. I’m looking forward to your health pics, but would LOVE to see some art on there too…hint…hint..hint. On mine you see my walks, rides, my dinner whatever strikes me. Hope it is a source of FUN for you! xoxoxoxox

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   2. Cheryl October 25, 2014 at 6:27 am

      You know, Stefanie, I’ve gained about 20 lbs. (regained is more like it!) in the last 18 months. But until I read your comment it hadn’t hit me that this is the first time I haven’t felt that sense of shame. A Little sadness, to be sure, for the simple reason every time I regain I feel a little worse and I don’t want to feel that way; but I’m not struggling with the shame issues this time. I really believe that talking openly and honestly with all you guys has made an important difference for me. In thinking about it, perhaps I’ve just been able to accept the fact that this is “who” I am and it doesn’t say a thing about “how” I am. That’s a huge realization for me. I was floored when I read your comment. What a new awareness I have of myself, it seems. Thanks for sharing that. It was quite a jolt, actually, albeit a good one and healthy one!

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      1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorOctober 25, 2014 at 6:41 am

         Just sending HUGS today. It is a HUGE step for us to accept our bodies and ourselves – even if we have a different goal down the road. Letting go of shame is SO powerful, especially as it seems that shame is very ingrained in many of us, Great to hear Cheryl that you are letting this weight be weight and not impact your self. Wonderful, because you self is BLOOMING as a writer, and that, in my mind, trumps gravity measures – even though I know you have health concerns. It’s still wonderful that you haven’t added to your trouble with your mind, if that makes sense.

         Love and Hugs and admiration

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         1. Cheryl October 25, 2014 at 9:57 am

            I will add something truly shocking to my comment. They are here putting in our new furnace, and I did NOT bust my butt to clean the house. I just decided this is ME and they don’t have to live here with the dust, and I don’t ever have to see them again! (Hopefully…) Now my house is not immaculate by any means, but neither is it a pigsty. It’s clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy. But still when someone is coming over I rush to clean the bathroom, vacuum the steps, etc. This morning I thought what the h*ll! And I didn’t. I can not tell you how liberating that feels. I also can’t tell you whether this is one-time fluke or I have really made a healthy jump here. I guess time will tell!

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            1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorOctober 25, 2014 at 10:38 am

               Hooray for you Cheryl! Way to protect that energy for what’s actually important for you! Yay Cheryl!
   3. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorOctober 25, 2014 at 6:32 am

      Hugs Mon Amie, Intuitive Eating principles are learning methods and can easily slip in times of stress back into what we know (eat everything). My journey is still filled with WILD doubts and slips and self-anger, but overall I’m doing better again. I believe that each one makes his or her choice day by day to what resonates as a way to feel happy, healthy and well – in the body, socially and in the spirit. Even when I began the show and was restricting calories I was trying to combine some of these principles into my life to help. And different methods at different times may be the key for different BCs. So I believe that wherever you are in your journey, learning to trust yourself for what’s best (as I had to do with the YMCA group and Sparkpeople) is what makes life feel so vibrant rather than a drudge to be gotten through. YOU are a vibrant, soulful writer (in English and I’m guessing French), AND a vibrant soulful artist (which I’ve seen from your work) AND a vibrant soulful person which I’ve seen from every comment and interaction since I’ve “met you”. So sorry about the hip bursitis, that can feel discouraging for sure. But thanks for posting here no matter what, as we can see from Amy from WI’s post, it was an encouragement. All I can say to BCs, is I, Laurie, respect you and love you where EVER you are, and whatever you are doing that feels right for you, so no fear ever of disappointing me.xoxoxoxox Now off for early morning luxury of swim at the hotel I’m staying at while Mark finishes up our plumbing project.

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7. Stéfanie October 25, 2014 at 1:50 pm

   Thank you. Your warm thoughts suthe my heart. My head says I shouldn’t be shamefull, but my heart doesn’t feel it. Maybe it’s not shame. Maybe it’s deception. It’s still a little tangled for now. For the next hours, i’m going to a party, so that will change my mood xx

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorOctober 25, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      Hugs xoxoxoxoxo I hope you had fun at the party. Tangled thoughts and feelings sure seem to be part of many of our issues around here, but I’m pretty sure, when you are ready, you will find a way to turn the tangles into a beautiful braid. 🙂

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8. Rachel December 21, 2014 at 12:52 pm

   Hi there Laurie. Nearly there with catching up and found I had missed this episode. Well what a profound one. They say thing happen for a reason and this really spoke to me today. Wow. I can so identify with you about giving up things and feeling bad or a failure about it. How brave you were to recognise that things were not working and you gave them up. The other thing is trying to do or keep up with everything. It just cannot be done and you are like a butterfly flitting from one thing to another. I also identify with letting go of things or even people with whom you don’t get anything back. Have been pretty stressed and angry at getting sorted for Christmas and it’s made me realise how much I do and give and I can’t give any more. It’s got too much. For example a friend who texted me that she had a present for me after I put a card through her door!!So when did she think she was going to deliver my present? She was waiting for me to visit her first. So there are going to be a few changes in the new year. I am also embarrassed by my messy house so I am planning a real spring clean and sort out to reduce the stress and worry. I will have to let go of possessions too.
   So you are not a failure in any way for recognising that sometimes things have to be let go in order to give ourselves some breathing space or to let other things into our life.
   Hi to all the brave companions who post and share their innermost thoughts and experiences. It is so comforting that others are going through similar struggles and experiences.
   xxx

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorDecember 22, 2014 at 6:41 pm

      Hi Rachel, great to see you. Wow, you are almost through the whole thing! I hope you enjoy the holiday show I just released. 🙂 I know what you mean about your friend. I’ve been there too. It’s taken me a long while to start to realize I’m worth more. I think I just fell into relationships and attracted those who would like to take advantage. Either that, or I encouraged that behavior to me with my behavior, if that makes sense. Since I’ve been working on being more assertive, I notice that people tend to treat me with more respect. For my time, my feelings and my person. I’m with you on the messy house. Cleaning is SO LAST ON MY LIST of things to do. However, I notice I feel much better, both physically and emotionally when I keep it tidier and cleaner. I have allergies that really act up from dust and mold, and visually, the clutter makes me feel really claustrophobic. So with all of these benefits, you’d think I was scheduled to clean like a fiend, right? hahahaha. Nope. It is something I’m working on. Maybe we can be clutter buddies, eh? Anyway, Happy holidays and I’m really glad to catch up with you too. xoxoxoxox

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