1. Patt November 11, 2014 at 8:14 pm

   Yay! I can’t wait to hear this tonight snuggling in on a cold brrr night!

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorNovember 11, 2014 at 8:18 pm

      Thanks Patt! I hope you like it! It’s kind of a weird mix of fun/struggle, this one. But overall, I liked the episode and enjoyed thinking about what I’ve learned. xoxoxoxox

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2. Stéfanie November 12, 2014 at 5:41 pm

   Dear Dawnie,
   If I recall, you’ve been carrying this indecision since at least halloween, because you commented about it on the halloween episode. So, like Laurie, you have been struggling with indecision. I have listened and read your thought-process and you are looking at this with very clear, calm, rational thinking. I think you are doing very good already as you are mentally processing this obstacle in a very impressive way. You are good at analysing pros and cons, identifying your feelings, pinpointing the things at stake for you. So girl, trust yourself. I am convinced you WILL make the best decision.

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3. Stéfanie November 12, 2014 at 5:55 pm

   (I’m on my cellphone it’s easier if I segment my comments because the screen is small)

   Laurie I liked that episode today. You made a recap of your journey, thus analysing the big picture. It’s nice to recap sometimes. It’s a good exercise to do too. I might try that. Of course, I like that it finishes with confidence in your decision. I too, can be tempted to try other stuff I see or hear about. But we each have our journey and trusting ourselves in these decision is part of the learning. I too struggle with indecision and ambivalence, which is a side of me I don’t like much.

   Also, the Bravery coach is a name that suits you perfectly. This bravery thing is a very good thread to follow if you wish to broaden. You are totally right, we need to celebrate ourselves more as self-love is such a better motivator than auto-destruction, shame and punishment.

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorNovember 13, 2014 at 9:24 am

      Thank you mon amie xoxoxoxo. It was a very hard episode to do, because I was so truthful in everything from how I feel about weight, to money, to how events have been impacting me and I worried terribly about how this self-revealing truth “will play”. But then I thought, It’s a podcast about my feelings, so might as well express them. So it is very comforting to have your support and to pick myself back up to face the inner discomfort this extreme emotional bravery is costing me. Because each time I do, it’s like working the muscle with a weight, the emotional tears repair stronger and I learn more. Still, sometimes, the process is very, very wearing and challenging. Thanks for posting today, I needed it. xoxoxoxoxox

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4. Stéfanie November 12, 2014 at 5:55 pm

   Also, HI KERRY! Welcome to the BC’S 🙂 I’m a new IG member since a couple of weeks and am looking to be part of a support community so if you’d like, add me! I am @lepage.stefanie 🙂

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5. Cheryl November 13, 2014 at 12:55 pm

   Great episode. That’s not much better for your self-esteem than to look back and realize how far you’ve come. It felt like just the right time to do that.

   Water weight gain… Eating out? I just automatically assume I’ll be up five lbs. the next day. I don’t stress about it anymore, but I sure feel uncomfortable in my clothes sometimes.

   And as to second guessing yourself…if his lordship could change one thing about it, I have no doubt it would be that. It makes him plumb nuts when I constantly change my mind. It’s as if I need him to reassure me that my chosen path is a good one (or at least won’t get me arrested!). “Are you sure? Does that sound alright to you? I can make pancakes, but if you’d rather I can make spaghetti. I might wait to get groceries till tomorrow, but then I’d still have to go to the store tonight. Maybe I’ll go to the store.” On and on it goes till he’s ready to ring my neck! I wasn’t like that when we got married. Don’t know exactly when that crept into my personality.

   So I totally identify!

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   1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorNovember 13, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      Hmmm, I for sure think people pleasing is at the root of waffling. I think I spent so many years trying to “read” people for the cues on what I should do, that it freaks me out to just decide for myself. Big OR small things. I feel like eating cantaloupe, I feel like watching TV, I feel like dusting (even I get this urge from time to time) I feel like calling a friend, I feel like hibernating. It is taking much practice to learn what I actually feel at the time I’m feeling it. That is the first step. Then to decide what to do about the feeling. Act, let it go, talk about it? Then to feel peace in my own authority in order to regain my inner sense of self and its worth. Strong stuff (can ya tell I had therapy today? LOL) xoxoxoxoxox

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      1. Cheryl November 13, 2014 at 4:03 pm

         Good grief… If you were scratching your head by my comment, I would have been, too. I MEANT to say “there’s nothing” much better for your self-esteem… I could just see you shakin’ your head thinking, huh? Sorry. Guess I should learn to proof read. (rolls eyes…)

         You still got the gist of it, however. At least you’re at a place where you’re willing to step up and say THIS is what I’m feeling, THIS is what I want. I know what I feel and what I want, it’s making myself stand my ground that is the hard part.

         Case in point. Found out today my friend Rivqa from Melbourne (whom I’ve known on line for over ten years) is coming to the states in March. One of her stops will be Chicago. Now my bff has been trying to get me to Chicago for 25 years. It’s where she’s from and she loves it. It would be such a cool way to kill two birds with one stone — meet Riv and let Amy show me around — yet when I think about asking his lordship about doing it, the VERY FIRST THING that goes through my mind is: But HE’S working so hard to keep this family afloat, doesn’t HE deserve that kind of break, too? The second thing is: But YOU spent 15 years running the ship (two jobs) while he was going to school. Don’t YOU deserve a break, too? The third thing is: Well, maybe we could compromise and BOTH go! Ugh…

         Now, am I giving in and not getting what I’d really like, a few days away with Amy and lunch with Riv without a hubby looking at his watch every ten minutes? Or is that compromise a good one? THAT is what my mind goes through every time I come to a place where I need to articulate what I really want. Do I KNOW what I want? Yeah. Trouble is, I don’t seem to feel entitled. How does one straighten that mess all out?

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         1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorNovember 13, 2014 at 4:12 pm

            Hmmm, I would say communicate with his lordship that you want this time to spend with your gal pals. Either the budget supports it or not, but I’m thinking it is better for HL to spend money on what he wants rather than as a tag along with you on this one. Maybe discuss it around that? You are partners and sometimes you need to give up for his good and vice versa. Good luck, fingers crossed you can at least communicate your wishes without feeling badly for having them. xoxoxox

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         2. Stéfanie November 14, 2014 at 12:38 am

            Cheryl,
            If you think he’ll be looking at his watch all the time, maybe it’s because he would be quite fine staying home and he’d enjoy his weekend alone, you never know 🙂 I know mine would… good luck 🙂

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            1. Cheryl November 14, 2014 at 7:40 am

               Yeah, you guy are both right. This problem is something that’s inside of me and has been there for a long, long time. I don’t know when I went from being an independent person who took charge of her life to someone who feels she has to be there for her family (all of them, not just his lordship) 24/7. Can’t even imagine HOW it happened, let alone who to change back to who I was. Sometimes I think my eating over the years has been nothing more than covert rebellion toward that change. I think I start feeling crappy, drop 30 lbs., am feeling good (more my old self), and then I panic because this is not the norm for me anymore. Geesh…
6. Cheryl November 13, 2014 at 12:57 pm

   And welcome Kerry! I forgot what day you were posting on, but I hope you get this. Nice to have you aboard.

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   1. Kerry November 29, 2014 at 12:29 am

      Thank you for the warm welcome! I am learning my way around the site, so please excuse misplaced comments!

      Laurie, I was amazed to hear your comments about what you had to let go…I can completely relate. First of all, I’ve spent most of my life associating FAT with BAD. It’s as if being overweight nullifies anything I’ve ever accomplished in my life. Not only that, but I GOT myself fat, then thin (then fat, then thin a gazillion times over) and am completely stuck on the fat side…so what does that say about me? I’m certainly not where you are, because I am having a really difficult time letting this go. I only judge myself this way, but I assume everyone else is looking at me with disgust.

      As I try to catch up on podcasts, the change I observe in your attitude and approach is so clear, and it’s an inspiration to me. I’m still trying to reject that diet mentality. So hard to let go! I just feel like I can’t get out there and do what I need to do UNTIL I LOSE THE WEIGHT. In the meantime, I have lost touch with friends, family, and avoid people and events out of fear. I am hopeful that I will soon be brave enough to take some risks!

      I’m halfway through this episode…I listen in bursts and spurts as I’m a busy mom and work full time! More later!

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      1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post authorNovember 29, 2014 at 6:17 am

         Hello busy Mom! Goodness, I’m amazed that you have time to hang with us at all, how cool is THAT that you choose to spend some precious moments with us. Hooray!

         I’m still trying to reject that diet mentality. So hard to let go! I just feel like I can’t get out there and do what I need to do UNTIL I LOSE THE WEIGHT. In the meantime, I have lost touch with friends, family, and avoid people and events out of fear.

         What you write here could be my constant diary page. Truly, you have hit on the heart of why for me, continuing in my therapy and using the principles of Intuitive Eating to build an authentic life vs. trying to lose weight became my goal. I didn’t know when I began this blog and show that my goal would change as it did. It surprised me for sure. But I came to where I didn’t want to lose another minute of being with people, of doing activities I love, or might love, or of being robbed of the chance to experience the rainbow of life while I have the chance. I feel today like I woke up. Like how visually it felt in the scene from the 1939 film, the Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy opens the door to a technicolor world after the black and while view of Kansas. Today I’m experiencing a world where the importance of my size has become so much less. People who would judge me, will still judge. But they are so much fewer than I built up in my mind. I was my own worse judge. And I am strengthening my inner resilience with my therapy and with telling the truth on my show. 42 weeks of telling the absolute truth of how I feel. Wow! That is why I am so excited that you, dear Kerry, are telling us YOUR truth. I believe one’s truth weakens the shackles of ED and supports the heart of the fierce Mama lioness. Next time you have fear, maybe try picturing that fierce growl, hold your head up and give doing what you’d like to do, a go. We’re here to support you! And to us, the brave attempt is worth more than a perfect result, oxoxoxoxoxox

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