I feel happy and peaceful in the moment. I’m looking at the patterns of the oak tree leaves in a glade at Descanso Gardens.
It’s OK to Change Your Mind
Normally when I sit down at the computer to communicate with you I KNOW whether what I feel like writing about is a full blown story or blog topic or just some random updates and thoughts that go better into the less formal status update. Today I’m not sure, so we’ll just “Go With the Flow” and see what happens.
Exercise Can Be Painless – Even When It’s a Pain!
Lots of days I LOVE my exercise. I’m hiking or biking, wandering around listening to cool podcasts and music at the park or pondering new sights and chatting with neighbors as I meander around my neighborhood hills. Some days I do Yoga or videos (even though they are streaming now) and I have many fun ones I enjoy.
But yesterday, I had that niggling feeling, that I DON’T WANNA do no FRIGGIN’ EXERCISE. Which was weird, because I could feel in my body, that I did. I was a bit stiff and sore from our bike ride the day before, and I knew a gentle walk would do wonders to move some of the lactic acid out of the muscles AND improve my pissy mood. But I was all about the pissy mood. I don’t know why. Tantrum Laurie was calling the shots.
Me: Tantrum Laurie, what’s wrong? Why aren’t you happy today?
Tantrum Laurie: I’M SICK OF WALKING AROUND AND EXERCISE AND EVERYTHING.
Me: Hmm, that’s odd, because we really have gotten out of our exercise routine lately.
Tantrum Laurie: YES, AND THAT IS JUST HOW I ‘F-ING LIKE IT. QUIT BOSSING ME AROUND!
Me: You feel I’m bossing you around?
Tantrum Laurie: ALWAYS! ZEN F-ing THIS and ZEN F-ing THAT, I JUST WANT TO WATCH CARTOONS!
Me: Cartoons! We have been watching A LOT of cartoons for voice practice.
Tantrum Laurie: PRACTICE F-ING PRACTICE, I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN!
Me: I think I feel where you are coming from. You just want an experience without having to be good, or add to your joy or increase skill or anything like that…am I close?
Tantrum Laurie: BINGO! Enough with the self improvement crapolla.
Me: How about we go to Descanso after therapy and just look around at the pretty flowers.
Tantrum Laurie: Sounds good – for once.
Me: Ok to take photos on a Flower Safari?
Tantrum Laurie: Do they have to be good photos?
Me: Nope. We just have to like them ourselves and have fun finding the flowers.
Tanturm Laurie: Ok, I’m cool with that.
Here’s one of the flowers I captured on my Flower Safari
One of my Flower Safari pics from yesterday’s walk in Descanso Gardens. This is Hummingbird Sage. Hummingbirds like the red flowers to drink from.
Tantrum Laurie turned back into Zen Laurie after enjoying a leisurely lunch of Quiche and Chardonnay in the garden. Tantrum Laurie felt satisfied that the food was ‘just what she was hungry for’ and she didn’t have to prove a thing to anyone about it. No calories, no IG photos of lunch, no announcements, no formal ‘putting the fork down and counting 10’. Just a nice day, a quiet lunch, a small glass of wine. It felt great and we took the moment to enjoy it and merge together in agreement. Tantrum Laurie felt happy and heard. Me Laurie, felt less pissy crazy and ready to have a small adventure.
If you’d like to see all of the photos, go to LaurieDreamWeaver on Instagram and they all have the hashtag #FlowerSafari
Progress With My Goals
Here’s a gottcha! Just like one of those optical illusion images where you see an old woman or a young woman depending on how you look at it.
Here’s my photo:
Progress in the sound room! We will create a U-shaped baffle of sound blankets on a track that covers the window and closet and door. Great, because I won’t lose my storage and the sound quality is coming along.
On the surface you see a bunch of recording stuff in my guest room with the closet open. (It’s open by the way because the clothing helps deaden the sound). In fact, if you are eagle-eyed, you might see a few new things in my recording arsenal. I have my mic stand, a better pop-filter, a music stand light to better see the copy and some other knick knacks.
What you don’t see, is the level of discussion, communication and budgetary agreement it takes for a retired couple to create an actual recording space in a spare bedroom. Further, what you don’t see is the level of confidence, passion, life review and other moments of fear and Zen that goes into pursuing a dream FOR REAL. When all is said and done, I may not make it as a professional voice actor, but I have surely already made it as a person who knows what she actually wants, was able to communicate that and to honor and strengthen her relationship despite the challenges that arose as we wrestled through what we both want in life. I think that’s enough to put Mark and I both on the bravery report.
Final Answer
Yep, enough here to be a blog.
PS. I am leaving in an hour to go walk around the park and be interviewed by Alen Standish for the third time. He’s interested in my voice acting for this discussion and what I tell myself. So I guess, this was a bit of a status report in a blog in a life wrapped in a mystery and stuffed in a conundrum.
Have a great day BCs!
xoxoxoxox
Your comment “You just want an experience without having to be good, or add to your joy or increase skill or anything like that” is pure genius…….I have felt that a million times, but could never put words to it.
Here is a quote I found the other which inspired me to start my drawing lessons. “A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are made for.” I think that applies to our lives. We may pass through troubled times, but if we constantly seek nothing but physical security, we’re probably not doing what we should.
I LOVE this quote Dave! It is so inspiring.
I’m sending you some virtual art wind from my heart to help speed your journey there. It sure sounds to me like drawing is a wonderful impulse coming from YOUR heart to you. I look forward to hearing how it goes for you (process-wise, not perfect-wise my friend 😉 )
Thanks for the “virtual art wind”, my mind has been going crazy with ideas, I need to get going on the drawing lessons before I lose my muse!!!
Share my art “I look forward to hearing how it goes for you ”
whats that?!?!?! someone knocking at my door.
Do I dare, open it?!?!? Deep down I suspect I know who it is.
I can’t resist, I slowly open the door …”Hello Sir” we are from the Plan…Church of you must be Perfect
“Wha…Who?, Sorry not interested
I try, but now I can’t close the door, I look down and there is a large black tentacle blocking my door……Ahhhhhhrg its the Robot Aliens
I recognize them….It is RA1 (You are never good enough to share)…..and RA2 (It’s not perfect the world must not be allowed to see it), I see behind them RA2 (Everybody is going to make fun of your art).
RA1″David who are you to think you are good enough at anything to share?””
RA2” There are too many mistakes, its not ready to share and never will be”
RA3” The world is going to laugh at you..Look at the 40something man who draws like a 3rd grader”
STOP” I shout. “My wife loves me no matter how imperfect I am”, “Laurie and the BC’s will support me through the process no matter how imperfect I am”. “Alan Standish taught me how to give myself permission to NOT BE PERFECT” “Now get out of my house, Get out of my mind, there is no room for you in my heart any more”
RA2: “Do not attempt to resist, the dark side is stronger, it is the truth, the way and the end all of your sad pathetic life”
RA1” Look at how many times you have tried and failed, what makes you think this will be any different”
“Yes you are right I am a failure………….”
RA3 “ You see it makes sense…..give up now….save your elf the shame and humiliation”
Then I remember the words of wisdom from LW and the BC’s: “You just want an experience without having to be good, or add to your joy or increase skill or anything like that” and (process-wise, not perfect-wise my friend)
“Hey wait…I’m in this for the joy of being creative, I’m not in this to be compared to anybody else. I know I’m far from perfect, but I have a job where my boss and co-works respect me, I have a wonderful marriage, and everybody loves my cooking….So back the “F” up and get out NOW.
RA3: But there are those who are healt…..
“STOP” I know I’m not healthy, but getting rid of you and your cohorts is the beginning of that process and I am making progress at that……Progress not Perfection…….I’m in the process of healing my mind and heart, I’m in the process of loving myself, I’m in the process of learning to share my inner muse.
RA: Retreat Retreat Retreat, this one has found the Light of Hope, drat those darn meddling Brave Companions and Standish….
The mental door slams shut…..and life progress with another victory in the battle for the minds and hearts of men (and women).
Wow, this is GREAT Dave! Would you be cool if I use it for Laurie’s Stories? If you don’t want to read it yourself, I will, it would be FUN! (But you might like to give it a try to send it in your own voice) Big hugs and a shout out for your creative self shining through today. Let me know what you think. xoxoxoxox and double xoxoxoxoxox to Kathleen.
You can use it for Laurie’s Stories if you and Mark make a production of it…….
Awesome Laurie i think your tantrum & my tantrum could be the best of friends!! Wow. I had that same exercise tantrum reared yesterday. What the?!?
I’ll admit it must’ve done me well to give into the tantrum too because today.. I busted it out sweat n all at the gym and felt awesome! That’s been missing. I’ve gotten quite complacent it seems. I needed a good butt kickin workout.
I love all your many interests. All of the bc’s. I feel so boring. I need to find something to pursue!!!! I think this really could be an aha moment for me!!!!
Something besides diet.. Health.. Food… Exercise… Self-help reading.
Thanks again weeeeehaw
Yeppers Dawny, I have had similar tantrums before. Sometimes, it is my body’s way of communicating its need for rest. Just like I ate when not hungry or starved WHEN hungry because I paid no attention to my body’s signals in the past, exercise was the same way. I would exercise at ALL costs, or laze about even if my body felt like moving around a bit. This time, it was my mental self wanting a break from improvement. It’s exciting to think of you unleashing your awesomeness in the world in some new way. Here’s a cool I just found for writing, It’s a random prompt generator. Try it, it might be fun! xoxoxoxox
Dawny,
My wife and I are quite out of shape. But we love working in the garden, now I know its not the same work out as you get in a gym, but after 3-4 hours of pulling weeds, moving rocks, and planting flowers, our bodies tell us we have had a work out. Like Laurie suggested back in some old episodes, we do stuff for fun that works the body. We took ballroom dancing lessons once, boy did that work my body.