This beer is SANTA size. I had no idea when we agreed to the large, that THIS is what it meant. Too big for me to drink all of it, could barely lift it. But it made me laugh and I loved our start to the night.

Life isn’t always what you expect

Mark and I had SO much fun last year Christmasing in Solvang, that we planned to return this holiday. BUT a series of bumps in the road drained our holiday savings and made us need to be nearer to home. At first we glumly thought to go get a Charlie Brown Christmas tree and make do with leftovers in our fridge for Christmas dinner.

There’s usually options

BUT we live very near to downtown Burbank, so it’s a quick drive. And I remembered that I have some frequent stayer hotel points that would get us a room for free. So we packed up our Christmas train from last year and headed out for an impromptu Christmas Eve.

Christmas morning for me – blogging in front of our holiday train that we got on last year’s Christmas trip.

Stop 1 – Beer and Bar Food

We usually don’t have the luxury of stopping off for happy hour. And many of the restaurants in downtown Burbank were closed for the holiday (good for them!). But we saw Gordon Biersch was open, so we popped in. We ordered large beers to save money – but OMG! This beer (which is my top photo) was so big I couldn’t lift it. So we laughed, I leaned over to sip what I could and enjoyed my first order of wurst sliders in memory of my dad, who LOVED German food.

Stop 2 – Enjoy the Town Decor

We didn’t have any plans, but decided to walk around enjoying the holiday spirit. Long time since we wandered hand in hand. Usually our adventures involve hiking with poles or riding bikes. This was kind of romanic and fun!

We stop to snap a pic in front of the Burbank town tree before the movie.

Stop 3 – We decide to see a movie we knew NOTHING about

One of our writing friends, Gabe, had strongly recommended The Big Short on FB. As we passed the movie theater, we saw a showing was about to start. So in we went!

Snuggled up getting ready to watch The Big Short – not usual holiday fare, but a surprisingly entertaining and educational film about the fall of subprime mortgages. Recommended!

For once we didn’t eat popcorn either. We wanted to save room for a late dinner, in case any restaurant would be open after.

Stop 4 – Thank you Market City!

The good folks at market city took pity on us and let us in a whopping 5 minutes before the end of dinner service. Having been in the restaurant biz, I know what a pain THAT is, but all of the servers and cooks were wonderful and we thanked them mightily for providing a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner.

After the movie we have fancy Merry Cherry Cosmos and a late supper

Enjoying our late Christmas Eve supper at Market City in Burbank – I LOVE the decorations – we didn’t decorate this year, so we depend on the decorations of others.

Stop 5 – Back to our holiday port in the storm

Time for the mistletoe! Mark and I return to our Christmas home away from home and take a last snap before letting sugar plums dance in our heads.

Stop 6 – Christmas Day in Burbank

Lovely Christmas view to wake up to!

Our tiny stockings are hung by the hotel door with care (Thanks writing group leader Samantha for giving us these cute little stockings)

Now as I finish up this post and click send, we will pack our things, bid our holiday adventure adieu, but savor these unexpected memories forever.

However you celebrate we wish you joy and happiness, not only for the holidays, but for every day.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Tiger looking THRILLED to have his cat-mama dress him up in holiday splendor. Hmmm, is this the equivalent of the crying kid Santa Photo?

Holidays are CRAZY busy!

OMG, my calendar is filled, filled, filled to the brim with events, shows, classes, meetups, dinners, friends, and other items of personal growth and holiday cheer. (I’ll let you GUESS what has fallen OFF the calendar – no, not the show, I still update THAT about once a month – it’s MY MORTIFYING DUSTY HOUSE OF HORRORS!. I just can’t seem to get my rear in gear to get the dust out of our house. Between Mark being sick, ME being sick, Mark being sick, and my preparation for tomorrow’s comedy show and various voice auditions, I am whacked and bushed!

I don’t even have kids (outside of the cat babies, and frankly, THEY are pretty easy in the gift department – can of food, extra pets, a good brushing – they’re set) and I’m STILL frantic with finding empty spots in the calendar.

Frantic Can Call the Robot Aliens

One way I can tell the frantic is on the rise, is the increasing gravitational pull of chips. Yes, BCs, I have been feeling ‘Chippy’ lately – and NOT because they are delicious! The drive to nosh on crunchy salty things is a big tell. LAURIE SLOW THE HECK DOWN!

So I slashed some events from the calendar, made room for my needed practice for tomorrow’s comedy show, eliminated some voice auditions, rescheduled some sessions and prioritized exactly which rooms in the Dusty House of Horrors would give me the most bang for the buck.

Let me tell you that extra gift of time was the best thing ever – to stop my frantic, perfectionistic insanity AND to ponder what our lives are really made of.

Time is the Coin of Life

So often we get caught up in distraction and busyness and wishing our time away.

“I can’t WAIT until I’m thin”

“I can’t WAIT until my vacation”

“I can’t WAIT until my scary comedy show is over”

Can’t wait for WHAT? Living?

I realized I was rushing through my life, even though I am retired. It’s so part of our culture. Immediate answers, immediate distraction from live events by i-devices, immediate feedback. Then there’s auto hotel check-in, auto bill-pay, auto email response – auto everything. Where is my mind and choice in all of this?

Besides the light speed of daily living, I further pondered that I was rushing MYSELF to make progress. I wasn’t happy with my comedy nor my acting nor my intuitive eating progress. I want everything right now! And if my progress isn’t at the new normal light speed, I feel I’m losing ground instead of gaining. And if I’m going to lose ground, why not just give up?

AHA! One of THOSE moments!

When I review where my acting is now vs. one year ago, I am LIGHT YEARS ahead in improvement and ability. But that took many classes, many tears, many days of practice and boring vocal exercises and getting used to well worn rejection. When I look at the set I’m going to perform tomorrow at a REAL LIVE COMEDY CLUB, it is so much more funny, and good, and my delivery is eons past my start, and I’m hopeful tomorrow’s show will be fun instead of terrifying. But that took days and days and weeks and weeks of daily writing, being brave enough to listen to the audio recordings of my class delivery and being willing to risk an open mic. It took being able to hear feedback and not wilt. Hard for me as my perfectionist voice still tries to protect me from rejection and proving myself unworthy. When I review my reaction to chips and Robot Aliens, I see that yes, I had a few chips. But I didn’t have bags of chips. And I took it to be a sign I needed to slow down and smell the success. I needed to celebrate this season with gratitude for all I have and all I’m willing to try in order to grow and encourage others and myself. My inner perfectionist is even impressed. I’m becoming a perfect imperfectionist – and THAT my dear BCs, really takes time!

Happy holidays, and don’t forget to call in or send audio for the Dec. update show. Fionna may provide a new song, Dawny has already sent in some great jokes, and I’m sure many BCs would love to hear from you if you’d like to be part of our holiday soiree.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Here I am pointing to my new daily inspiration. I found this magnet in a cool, hippy dippy, zen store on my way to stand-up comedy class.

Close up of the inspiring fridge magnet I found.

Check out the wonderful poet and artist who made my inspiring magnet, Marylou Falstreau

So what does COMEDY have to do with it?

Well BCs, since last we spoke/wrote/thumbs-upped on Instagram to each other etc., I’ve been off being incredibly brave (or crazy) or maybe it’s the same thing? BESIDES live acting class, auditioning like mad for voice work and flitting around with laryngitis and other flu-like concerns, one of my voice actor friends persuaded me to join a beginning stand-up comedy class. You all know how I LOVE to tell funny stories, and often have an instinctual wit, so why not?

OMG!

Telling jokes off the cuff and writing jokes are not the same. Noooooooooooooo! This has been the hardest kind of writing I’ve ever pursued. I shared this fact with my story writing group.

“But Laurie you are HILARIOUS, you MUST be exaggerating. When’s your class showcase, we want to come!”

“Well guys, I’m NOT exaggerating when I say I SUCK AS A COMEDIAN and I have Noooooooo intention of letting you know when my class-required show is going to be. I’m hoping to slink on and off stage incognito.”

“Where are you taking comedy class?” one of my writing buddies asked innocently.

“Flappers”

“WhhhhaaaaHaaaaaHaaaa, Got you now! I know a person who works there, and I’ll find out.”

My buddy went on to mention the person in question who turned out to be my comedy teacher.

Blast!

I never thought in one million years that I would let anyone actually know the deets about my comedy workshop appearance. The Bravery Coach was not demonstrating the best form of courage right then. I was hoping to change the subject and get off of this track, which I did.

Soon after that I was struck dumb with laryngitis and had to miss one week of comedy class. Dang it! Now I’m behind in learning how to write and deliver my set and I’m freaking the heck out. My voice actor/comedy friend came to the rescue. She arranged that all of us beginner comedians go together to an open mic and watch the other comedians work out material. Two from my class were even brave enough to jump right up and do their material for the first time. So inspiring. The comedians that day killed and died and everything in between. They all got feedback and none of them fainted or had heart attacks or were carted off by Martians for being unfunny. They all had fun and so did we.

It made me stop to consider what was creeping me out so much?

When I podcast, I’m either reading your comments, or talking off the top of my head. When I’m voice acting, I have a script. I have not had to memorize anything since the head trauma from my bike accident. I’m terrified that I will just blank out. It isn’t even worry about being funny or not, though I would LOVE to be funny on stage, it is fear of the stutter and the brain freeze in front of all of those people.

Then I REALLY had a new thought, “Ok Laurie, if you ARE going to stutter and brain freeze in front of all of those people, wouldn’t it be better if the audience was filled with those who love and support you?”

Good point! I am so used to hiding my imperfections that it didn’t cross my mind that I need to be myself. I need to admit my comedy and invite my friends. I need to trust myself that I will live through whatever happens and it will make a grand story to share together one way or another.

So I’m putting myself on the bravery report because I just emailed a bunch of friends and admitted I’m doing stand-up and let them know that they are welcome to come view the spectacle. And even if not one person can make the performance, I will tell my jokes with pride, because I learned to be proud of who I am in this moment. And I hope all of you BCs are proud of who you are too.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Bonus Medical Intuitive Eating Update

I just got all of my test results back from my blood work and annual checkup. After one year of non-dieting, and next to no bingeing or diet mentality, my weight is slightly down, all of my numbers are excellent and I’m in better health than ever (excepting the laryngitis). I have to admit I feared the cough drops might have pumped up my blood sugar, but nope, better than it’s been in years. Cholesterol great, kidneys great, everything great. And this morning I felt like eating coffee cake so I made one, ate one small piece, put the rest away and forgot it. It struck me just how different this felt from last year. Nothing felt out of the ordinary. I haven’t eaten coffee cake for months and months. I haven’t even really been eating sweets outside of the cough drops. I naturally eat when I feel the energy dip without thinking about it at all. I stop easily. I don’t think about food until I’m hungry. The only time I crave food sometimes is from a passing good smell when I’m out and about. If it strikes me hard enough, I will on occasion get some of that tempting food, but usually I just shrug it off saying, “Hmm THAT smells good,” and go on with my day. When I started this experiment almost 2 years ago, I had no idea this is where I’d land. In fact one of my beginner comedian friends was working on a joke that he feared might be offensive to those with eating disorders and asked if any of us in the class had one. I started to raise my hand, and then I thought, “No I don’t. I don’t have an eating disorder anymore.”

Time to let go of my eating disorder identity and move on to being an actor/storyteller/comedian who weighs whatever she weighs and eats when she’s hungry. Not a bad thing to be.

PS. My comedy teacher told me I am NOT FAT ENOUGH to tell fat jokes. Made me mad at first, but then I realized just how crazy that was. I’m not fat enough to be a fat comedian. I’ll just have to be an aging hippy, dippy, zen comedian with an attitude. Teacher says I’m great at that!