Mark and I have fun walking the path we usually ride. We see the wind, waves and sand close up. Later on, we’ll walk the pier and watch the sunset.
Plans don’t always work out as you expect
You know how much I love plans and how much I love plans to GO AS EXPECTED! Well all year, plans just have not been cooperating with Mark and me. Usually, we like to take a vacation or two and/or spend some time by the shore. We have a favorite hotel chain that we use and enjoy the benefits of their loyalty program. Usually we need a night or two at the end of the year to keep our program level up and we enjoy taking that small trip in December. No big deal. Well, due to our various injuries, circumstances and unexpected financial downturns, all of our vacations and mini-breaks got the financial axe all year long.
This of course, meant the loyalty program had to go. No way could we fit an entire year’s worth of mini-trips into the last six weeks of the year – or could we? Now to be honest, while we both enjoy our jaunts, this endeavor is firmly in my adventure court. I LOVE getting away and exploring and meeting other people on holiday and speaking to the business people in the lounge and all of the other perks of spending a day or two out of pajamas and in the world. Mark is more of a homebody and prefers his adventures well spaced out with long stretches of home rest and long timeframes to “think about it”.
Mark, bless him, and I reviewed out budget and our calendar and marked out the way to fit in our entire year. Fun for me and further proof of Mark’s endless love that he agreed. (Or the level of bitchiness he feared experiencing by NOT agreeing could possibly have been a small factor – but Mark is usually not swayed by such.)
Of course, we didn’t account for storm drenched streets or have much room in our jam-packed calendar for other contingencies.
We had planned to drive up today, not yesterday, but THE BIGGEST STORM OF THE YEAR was forecast to hit us today. 100%. So no bikes, no convertible. And we switched plans so we drove yesterday ahead of the storm. Despite this sudden change, we had a great evening! Here are some highlights.
Here’s a video I took last night of the sunset over the waves
Mark as photographer
Last night Mark photographs the sunset from the pier.
The Storm Hits
Today the storm swept in. It is powerful and fun to watch from the safety of our room. Thrilling and humbling to see nature’s power.
how about recording the show?
Well scrambling to change our travel plans, settle the cats and otherwise rearrange things, meant that I put off recording Day 92 which I HAD planned to do yesterday. Then I thought, well I’ll find someplace to walk today and record. HAHAHAHAHA Pouring rain, no shelter. I MAY go take my umbrella and boots puddle stomping, but no way I’m risking my trusty Roland 05 recorder in this deluge. So here you are, blog and me, enjoying the warm, dry inside-ness of it all whilst the rain batters the hatches and Mark gets some well deserved shut-eye.
Fun for Rainy Days
I just got back from another Instagram Adventure – you can see my photos and video by searching for #RainyDayWalkInVentura – remember, I am LaurieDreamWeaver on Instagram.
Just in case you are bored on this Episode-less Tuesday, here’s some distraction.
BTW, you can also feel free to listen to past episodes or comment here, or CALL THE BRAVERY HOTLINE to tell me your rainy day stories, thoughts and other feelings. I promise I’ll get to recording as soon as I can find a dry podcast rock.
Have a wonderful Tuesday BCs!
PS, I’m still wearing the same size comfortably despite a beer and burger for dinner. I think that’s why I wasn’t hungry this AM. But my appetite is starting to rumble, so off to explore the puddles and then once I’m hungry enough, I’ll seek out the best lunch I can enjoy. Rainy days don’t have to get us down. xoxoxoxoxo
Love this. Your doing AWESOME!! & you have an amazing husband. Just saying!!!
I’m so proud of you for embracing life and living Laurie. It’s a scarazy place
We’ve got so much life to live and actually living it with purpose is the point of all of our ‘doings’. You show me often that there’s hope for me on my ventures they life & living.
And Vice Versa my friend. You have no idea how many smiles you give me when I see your FB post with your photos and your silly ecards that make me LOL. I know your job life hasn’t been all that you want, but still you move ahead with grace and fun. I can see why you succeeded in your weight goals Dawny, you NEVER GIVE UP! It is an honor an privilege to have had the chance to get to know you. You are an inspiration and a motivator – Hugs Hugs Hugs!
Happy g’morn’n .
Thanks for this today.
I just got out of the forever long interview. Lol. It kinda went good I think lol. She said by the end of next week at the latest she thinks. She also said she calls either way. So we shal see. Lol.
I’m getting job search exhausted.
And VERY scale deflated. Up another 1.6#. Gettin ready to tip over.
At least there’s sunshine today. Cold but sun. Lol
Ahhh, Dawny, good luck job-hunting hugs for your magnificent self! xoxoxoxoxo
OMG! You have a dragonfly umbrella!!! That is so totally awesome. Actually you had one of my favorite kinds of days. We see rain so seldom here that it’s like a birthday present when we get any. So glad you got out and explored despite the rain. You would have regretted it otherwise. As to the podcast…it will happen when it happens. ‘Nuf said. Enjoy yourself!
It really was fun stomping around in the puddles and seeing the beach waves tossed and wild. The really strange part is the light here in the storm made the sea look just like Puget Sound by where I grew up. It felt so much like the landscape of my youth, it was like being in the way-back machine. But you are right, that since these days are few and far between where I live now, it was a gift not a curse. I must say, I tired of this weather growing up as it was about 70-90% of what we ever got or saw. Today, the rain should be less so we can make it back home pretty safely, though the car trip will take longer. Roads in CA are NOT equipped for good drainage and drivers here seem to have little clue that wet roads mean SLOW DOWN and increase space between cars. Lack of experience? Or might CA suck sense clean out of people? Who knows, but this was an adventurous trip and I’m glad we made it. xoxoxoxox
PS, one reason I loved this umbrella was it reminded me of you. 🙂
You gotta be careful of hydroplaning on wet roads with no drainage. I did that once. You have absolutely NO control over your car. Scared the beejeebers out of me! So be careful!
Yep, had that happen quite a bit when I lived in Washington – even WITH good drainage, quite a bit of rain there. Luckily, no issues here. We did get some rain on the drive home, but no problem. xoxoxox
I forgot about that episode! I’m getting a beautiful dragonfly mug for Christmas!
Hooray for dragonfly merch! Love those designs. You picked a great totem there 🙂
Wow Laurie (and Mark) sounds like you are having fun. I knew it was raining in California before I read your blog and watched the puddle splashing on Facebook as my parents are flying back from LA today. They were remarking on the rain as we spoke. Of course we are used to rain here.
Haven’t quite caught up yet on the podcasts, but your musings make me think and question my own thoughts and actions. Oh and of course all the brave companions too who add their innermost thoughts and feelings.
Have fun
Best Wishes
xxx
Oh phooey, so sorry your folks got the rare rain on their trip to LA! Hopefully they got the chance to sample some of our sunshine too while they were visiting our fair city. I’m glad you liked the puddle stomping though. That was really fun, and great as a stress reducer! I’m also happy that my and the brave companions’ musings are giving you food for thought. I find that too. I often forget what I talked about and reading the comments gives me a chance to revisit and relearn some of it. I love how this blog and show are pulling in so many funny, thoughtful and cool people. We may have eating issues, but for sure we are an interesting and worthwhile bunch. Feeling I’m one of you has raised MY self-esteem. I’m finally really happy to be part of a club that will have me, who knew? 😉 xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
I hate that I am in this place.. it’s hard,
I am feeling like Im obsessing about food a lot, and I think this is why, after yesterday, I think ive figured some thing out, that im on the verge of feeling like I need to ‘make a move’ and really buckle down and get serious, and subconciously it’s starting that “last supper” type of hunger, and eating and food thoughts? not intentionally, but I think it’s happening..
I know one place for me to ‘tidy’ things is to stop eating out quite so much, I don’t need to as much as i have been, make it more of a ‘once in awhile’ type of thing, not this basically every day, some days twice type of thing, it’s a lot of ‘guesstimate’ on ppv based on portions by the eye, and not to mention what’s going on behind that grill, despite our best intentions and what we ask for/order.. and the sodium etc. for the most part, unless we hit buffet’s I order plain, and steamed and dry grilled, and the foods I eat can’t have much ‘hidden’ ingredients, BUT sunday at Denny’s I ordered a ham slice, and that thing literally was yellow when it came to me, I was like WHAT?? she said “oh it’s butter” crap! wtf??!?! YUCK..
I also need to scale back a bit on the dessert train, and I say this because when I make things, or have pre-packaged, portioned things and I see the ‘size’ of the thing, vs ppv for it, I KNOW DAMN well when im eating desserts, and sweet treats etc, Im not counting stuff nearly as well as I should be..
since Im making a ‘skinny’ healthy version of say these banana muffins, and 2 mini muffins are 1ppv, well uh.. if I were to eat a regular size muffin in the restaurant or store or whatever im pretty sure it’s more than 3ppv (as an example)
I too know Ive been consuming more coffee than water, and I don’t put much in it, a splash of non-fat or almond milk, and cocoa powder, if I use anything else, I take ppv, and I do take 1ppv for coffee ‘splashes’ as I think 4 ‘splashes’ would be 1/2 c. of milk lol ish.. they don’t measuer at DB either, unless i specifially ask them to and they aren’t busy and I can see them do it. LOL, but even that, it’s the fact im not drinking enough water I think maybe..
and i have my little “2 peanut m&m’s” here, and a ‘couple chocolate chips’ there, or a chip, or a store sample, or a bite of a cookie, or a piece of that, and no, they aren’t much, HOWEVER over a day, and a week they are much especially when im eating EVERY dpt and all my wppa too, there’s NO room, and like I said a lot of ‘under’ guesstimating I think..
“sigh”, I KNOW I got this, I know what/how to do it, I just have to do it
also think some of my aching and paining. N knees n n n n is this added weight =~{
What do we do?
I don’t want to go back to fearing food and total deprivation etc.
I don’t want to go back to 415.2# either
Soooooo
Find a moderate balance. Eat smart.
Balancing my eating out better even if it means declining some offers lol. I guess Ill
figure out some guidelines to follow mab.
And definitely work on the dessert factor. For awhile I think I either need to stick to
home made things that I control the ingredients or maybe commercially prepared so I can
get a better judge of ppv vs. portion size.
And…. When dining out….opting out of so much buffets will be a sure step forward too.
I’ve got confidence at least there’s that.
Ive laid out to you just a couple places that i know will make a difference for me, I need to get back to eating at home more, and working on the GHG’s, staying mindful and focused
my portions are outta wack for surely, it’s veggies the last couple days but ive been putting away a LOT of food as in volume, and it’s like ugh.. and then hunger not long after, I am really thinking there is some mind stuff at play for me
I know I will get thru this, =-) I want it and that’s the driving force, I guess re-entering the WHY I want it part?.. I filled out the weight watchers weekly at the meeting tuesday night, my ‘losing list’
I want a normal eating relationship to/with food/eating, to be at peace
I want some-day to have and be able to enjoy my grandchildren (hopefully)
I want to keep self confidence, and feel comfortable in my own skin, and clothes
I want to keep and/or improve my physical abilities and strength
Life and good health
Laney….
and of course to out-live Ted.. sheesh, =-)
hugs, thanks for being my friend.
AND After (vebally/mentally) puking everything out last night, I slept REALLY good, I wannnnttteeeddd something SOOOO bad.. nothing specific, just something, I had already used 2 wppa on my day, and was not hungry, I chalked it up to that snackity bitch rearing her ugly head, and I just went to my bed and messed around on the phone/internet, and made it without having something…..
I woke up today feeling excited,
I think releasing all that ‘stuff’ helped me ‘see’ it, and realize a few things, that maybe i didn’t ‘see’
also….
Today, wog-a-bout-ing, I had some epiphany’s AND I also… started thinking… about HOW I can do this WITHOUT going into diet hell prison, I asked myself some ‘tough’ love type questions, WHAT was I doing that made me ‘feel’ like i was in diet hell prison? I was restricting EVERYTHING NOT allowing myself to have foods I really wanted, instead ‘re-creating’ replica’s with either vegetables or desserts with like yogurts or concoctions etc. I stopped engaging in ANY activities involving food, so that I could avoid the temptation, and STAY to my rigid rules etc.. I REFUSED to go to eat in places that I did NOT have total complete control and able to ‘count/track’ exactly to the number the ‘what’ etc. I created a ‘plan’ and would not deviate from it no matter what both food/activity… I allowed no fun in my life events, food, activities.. all my ‘social’ gatherings/events revolved around exercise
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
in REALIZING and ACKNOWLEDGING those things there, I KNOW how to do this, and NOT go back THERE! yes, I can still engage socially, and have fun with food folks and fun, and just be mindful (keeping my intuitive eating tool-belt around my neck), paying attention and making choices based on moderation and common sense =-) realizing there is no PERFECT, and it’s NOT what you do SOME of the time that matters as much as what you do MOST of the time =-)
Im proud of myself for looking back at WHAT was keeping me TRAPPED in diet hell prison, and KNOWING that i can do this, AND stay out of there too,
so here we gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
What a terrific post! You go get ’em, girlfriend!!! Love your attitude and energy. I need me some of that!
Thanks Cheryl. I knew my fellow BC’s would ‘get’ it and ‘get’ me. Many ppl don’t *sigh* and im too much for many ppl lol.
Hugs!
Hugs Hugs Hugs Dawny. I think you are doing a FANTASTIC job thinking through these winding and tricky issues. It isn’t easy, but I hear some progress there. I believe it’s a GENIUS question to wonder about which specific parts of your diet plan made you feel in ‘diet hell prison’ and to see if you can mitigate that. Good job on heading for the post rather than for the chips (or their equivalent). Remember, this is your life, and you don’t win more by weighing a certain number. You win by living each moment in your truth. You don’t HAVE to eat food you don’t like to stay in points. And you don’t have to leave out social activities. One of my methods is Whatever I’m doing with family and friends, I try to focus on building that relationship. Out to dinner? I ask a person a question about his or her life and listen before picking up the fork again. Drinks after acting class? Same with sipping. Ask advice about voice acting. Listen. Sip. Comment. Remark about what that person did in class. Listen for any reply. sip. Adding these in helps me have time to process that I am full, lets me enjoy ANY food with no fear I will eat too much, AND helps me get to know people better. You my dear are a social butterfly who would NOT BE HAPPY staying away from your activities. I know about diet hell prisons keeping me at home, and that would only cause us to rebel. So keep on doing what you’re doing, and I am positive you will figure out a way to be you and NOT weigh 400 pounds again. xoxoxoxox
Oh how thankful I am for you Laurie. And for compulsive overwater diaries =~}
I won’t deny my reservations sharing all my gory goo because I don’t want to sway or influence or deter anyone from their current journey. But I feel so un-judged here and free. And although we are all on different paths & journeys the struggle is still what it is.
I’m thankful for all of us brave companions
What I great post Dawny. I so get what you are saying. I love the way you are thinking things through and examining your reactions to things. I love the way you are making choices about the small changes you can make that make you feel empowered. For me it would be mega important that I was making those choices, not people left, right and centre telling me what to do – often with conflicting messages.
For the moment I know I am overweight. It would probably help my health a lot if I lost a couple of stone plus (28lb plus). However, I did that a couple of years ago and it has all come back. So I am trying something which helps me observe in a non-judgemental way what, when and why I am eating and its effects on my well-being. As someone who works in computer programming and data, I would much prefer an obvious link between what I do and how I feel but it’s complicated (like I guess it is for many of us).
Hi Sue, I feel SO the same about data “ought to make sense” darn it! I think our bodies, minds and hearts are just a tad bit more complex, as you say, than “calories in and calories out”. I also think it is normal to have up and down feelings bout our progress, no matter what we are trying. Today, I’m trying to overcome my terror as “Character voice day” is coming up in my voice acting class today. This is still such a struggle for me. And it is a good metaphor though. Do I give up when I know this is a bump in the road? That’s my robot alien ear whispering response – just skip this class, so what, feel better. But would I REALLY feel better? Or just like I gave up on myself yet again. Anyway, your courage to take the time to look at yourself with non-judgement is a great encouragement for me, this early AM when I’m rehearsing and working up my courage. Some days I feel so alone, and then I come here and read some snippet of comment from a brave companion like you and the wonderful Dawny, who buck me up and give me courage to keep on trying and not to be so scared of what life has to offer. Hugs xoxoxoxox
Hey Dawny, just reread your post. Had been thinking about it a couple of days. I can identify on so many levels, but most especially on the eating out. Not because the calories scare me (and it’s helpful that restaurants are now having to post their calories on boards and menus — and from what I’m seeing around here, that act alone is causing some restaurants to reduce the size of their portions), but because of the salt. If I eat out, I know the next day I’ll be up 2-3 lbs. because of the salt. Never EVER fails. If I got a week and not eat out at all, it’s not uncommon for me to drop 4-8 lbs.
But then I get caught in this trap. I think I can cheat and then be good for a few days and undo the damage I’ve done. The trouble is (and this is where I’m at right now) I always retain a few more ounces of fat that I can’t get rid of. So over several weeks of playing that game I actually DO gain a couple lbs. I KNOW better than to do that.
But part of my other problem is that when I first began dealing with my weight, the “set-point” theory was in the news all the time. It basically says your body finds a weight where it’s comfortable and then no matter how much you may lose, it will boomerang and find its way right back to that place. And that’s really been my experience. I’ve dropped 40 lbs. three different times in the last ten years, and every single time I’ve come right back to 210-215.
So that’s what I’m doing a lot of thinking about lately, the challenge to overcome that belief because I honestly don’t know if I’m sabotaging myself when I do that. It’s like Laurie said. Things are really a tad bit more complicated that the diet programs want you to think. (Could say the same things about our minds! Garbage in, garbage out!)
Keep up the good work, kiddo!
thank you Cheryl…
Im loving your input and feedback and getting into your head a little too =-)
I do believe in a ‘set-point’ myself as I seemed to bounce pretty productively around the 180# area, and i’ll say ‘easy’ but that’s not what i mean, I mean that mindfully easily I seemed to stay there, then well I got this bug for eating out and blah blah blah, so now, my goal, although is 170#, maybe needs to be 180#, I guess I’ll see when I get there, and go from that point..
ive been challenging a lot of my ‘thinkings’ and ‘beliefs’ too, Im REALLY REALLY good at convincing myself of things, like I can easily convince myself im hungry.. DOH.. lol,
but REALLY what i mean by that is that i convinced myself I NEEDED a LOT of food to be satisfied, I was ADDICTED to food, and that I was a VOLUME eater, and that I LIKED feeling ‘FULL’ not just ‘satisfied’ all of these things fallacies.. LOL
Ive also created a LOT of habit eating, and when I accept and be honest to myself that they are that in-fact HABITS, im more empowered to drop them =-)
Have to jump in here Cheryl, because since Mark and I, and I alone, have been doing our end of year hotel marathon mini-trips, I have been eating out more than I’ve been cooking. And even though I can truthfully say, i haven’t overeaten past hunger or binged at all, I’m still puffed up like a fish, and I can tell it isn’t all water weight. So may be chemicals, extra fats, additives our bodies aren’t used to, maybe portions, are higher calorie even in small amounts, stress of being out…who knows. But I have to say that eating out a lot will play havoc with the body (at least mine). The good news for me, is that I find this weight does come off for me once I’m back to normal eating – unless I’m not at normal eating long enough for that to happen. Hmmmm. But it is a point to ponder that one vaca or mini break seems to have no effect, but all of these in a row, definitely do. Thanks for bringing up all of these interesting points. Hugs, xoxoxox
thank you Laurie and Cheryl, maybe this should be a lesson to me, I need to stop eating out, at least as much, it’s sooo hard.. Mostly because I restricted it and deprived myself of it ENTIRELY (and im not kidding) for about 4 or so years, and that includes eating at other people’s houses too.. so sad =-(
and so now, every opportunity I have, I do, and lately it seems eveyrone wants to take me out, how could a girl say no to that??? lol
Laurie: “The good news for me, is that I find this weight does come off for me once I’m back to normal eating – unless I’m not at normal eating long enough for that to happen.”
I agree 100%. Without fail that’s been my experience, too. That’s why I was thinking water. Chemicals I’m not so familiar with. Could be that, too. Is MSG a chemical or a type of salt?
Yep, you never know how much salt, MSG or flavor enhancers there may be in food in a restaurant. Even different ingredients that you don’t normally eat may give you a sensitivity reaction. But overall, I think it is quantity and salt that does it. For me, because I order what I love in the restaurant, I may eat a bit more than I would at home – even when I am spot on with paying attention. The “One more bite” syndrome 😉 Today, again I am PUFFED UP and feeling crumby a bit, and I did not overeat. Though I also didn’t exercise except for some fun splashing around in the hotel pool – so that may also be part of it for me. I might go hiking today just to feel more energy and less sluggish.