Tag Archives: bingeing

Ep 0098 – Depression and Ranting and Welcome New BCs!

Laurie's face is really red as she eats and orange.
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My face is burning and I need some moisture and energy from the exercise on such a hot day. My tangerine to the rescue!

Podcast Recap

Despite my latest bout with depression, I hike the mountain to let go of self-anger. I fill you in on my social media changes. Welcome to three new BCs, Lisa, Happy, and Natalie from Australia. Suz goes on the bravery report for her live commentary about Day 97 and how it triggered her to consider the origins of her distrust and people pleasing. Suz gives a shout-out to Brandi for her bravery hotline call on day 48. I share the highs and lows of my latest voice acting adventures. I then use my best voice acting skills to read you my watershed blog post, Warning! Catharsis ahead – not for the faint hearted! Strong Language! And btw, I DON’T have a blasted weight problem! I welcome new BC, June who commented on that post and feature Dawny’s supportive comment.
Blue skies and sparse trees against the sky.

The start of the trail. Man it is hot! But it is also very beautiful. I take a minute to post to IG so Sophie will know what music I’m rocking out to as I climb.

Mentioned

Comments from NEW BCs

Lisa’s comment on Day 96

Cheryl’s welcome for Lisa

Stéfanie from Quebec’s welcome for Lisa with her handle on MFP

Happy With My Body’s comment on Day 17

Happy_With_My_Body on Instagram

Natalie from Australia’s comment on Day 20

June’s comment on my ranting blog post

COD pages and posts

My blog post about depression

Day 97 that Suz did her commentary on

Day 48 where Brandi called the bravery hotline

My blog post rant

Dawny’s supportive comment on my Rant

Bravery Sayings

My Second Twitter Account JUST for bravery sayings @TheBraveryCoach

Want to be part of the Brave Companion Song?

How to Send your audio for the Brave Companion Song or Foolish Fun or To tell your Story

    Note: For the Brave Companion Song

  1. please say your name
  2. where you are from in general
  3. why you are brave or like being a BC

Note: For Foolish Fun
Tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Intuitive Eating Book on Amazon – please use the links below

Intuitive Eating

Ways to support the show financially

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

My Second Twitter Account JUST for bravery sayings @TheBraveryCoach

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Commentary: Suz
Voice Acting Coach: David Babich
Voice Acting Director: Marc Cashman

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

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Ep 0097 – Learning to Trust on the Mountains AND in the Valleys

Laurie in her straw hat taken from overhead pointing out a wooden bench
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Ok, I’m probably past the point of taking too many selfies now! I’m trying to get a unique view of the Next to Top Zen place bench and not be so same old, some old.

Podcast Recap

I’m totally surprised when distrust bubbles up as what to let go of today. I ponder the roots of why I don’t trust myself or others and how I might let down that wall. I highlight the blog of BC and Instagram buddy, Sarah Nicole Hupp, then I tell tales from Facebook welcoming new BC Mary, finding out what Suz is up to and I answer a serious question about the diagnosis of compulsive eating. Thank you to my latest generous Coffee Klatcher and my first Canadian Amazon shopper. A new country floods the blog with visits, our first BC from Israel, Stacey comments, and Stéfanie from Quebec reveals her thoughts about our holiday show. I discuss what’s under my latest serious tangle with the Robot aliens and the support I received from Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin on her secret FB group and BCs Sue from the UK, Dawny, Cheryl, and Fionna on my own blog post.Finally Dawny shares great news and gives us a unique way to approach the new year.
Close up of wild buckwheat fronds against blue sky and wispy clouds

Love how the sweep of blue sky is highlighted from this close up of wild buckwheat – at least I THINK it is buckwheat.

Stacked rocks close up on the trail

Someone else has been placing prayer rocks along the trail. I’m encouraged by it. Good thing, this was a challenging day and climb.

Sunny blue day with foothills seen from the hiking trail

Beautiful winter view on the way down the mountain. I am lucky to enjoy such a vista.

Mentioned

My Instagram buddy, Sarah Nicole Hupp

Sarah Nicole Hupp on Instagram

Sarah Nicole’s blog, Freedom from the Noise

Sarah’s post about 7 steps to a healthier life

Support for my binge

My blog post about what was under my binge,Feeling Fat and Other Binge Triggers

Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin’s site, Win the Diet War

My guest blog post for Dr. Nina’s Make Peace with Food

Intuitive Eating Community.org the community for Intuitive Eaters

Sue from the UK’s supportive comment

Cheryl’s supportive comment

Fionna’s sympathetic comment

Dawny’s supportive comment

Jenny’s New Year wish

Tales from Facebook

Compulsive Overeating Diary’s Facebook page – bookmark it and check out my status reports, my body balance numbers, comments from BCs, links and resources by BCs and more fun stuff you may NEVER see if you just wait for your news feed to float by. Also, you don’t have to have a FB account to see the show page. Go ahead, take a risk, and come visit.

Mary’s post on the show’s Facebook page

Suz’s announcement on the FB page

Certificate you can fill out and print to celebrate listening to ALL of the COD episodes like Suzanne did

How to Send your audio for the Brave Companion Song or Foolish Fun or To tell your Story

    Note: For the Brave Companion Song

  1. please say your name
  2. where you are from in general
  3. why you are brave or like being a BC

The Holiday Show

The Holiday episode on Day 95

Stacey from Israel’s comment

Stéfanie from Quebec’s holiday recap comment

Day 96 where Sue from the UK send audio about her lovely church service. Go here to support her for her bravery in letting us hear her voice.

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes
Intuitive Eating Book on Amazon – please use the links below

Intuitive Eating

Ways to support the show financially

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

My Second Twitter Account JUST for bravery sayings @TheBraveryCoach

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

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Feeling Fat and Other Binge Triggers

Laurie on the couch with Tiger, a ginger cat, on her tummy and Gracie a tabby cat, is on a high cat perch.
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Mark snaps this pic of me relaxing with our furry family. Gracie, the tabby on the perch is the mama of Tiger, the ginger cat perching on my tummy. How does this peaceful scene contribute to feeling fat?

Feeling Fat is my River of Death

Actually, I love the photo above that Mark took of me and my beloved cats. It is an excellent photo of them, and not at all bad of me, considering I am prone in the double chin emphasizing position and had no time to wiggle myself into anything more flattering. As I discussed last blog post in, Half a chocolate and other Christmas Miracles! where I share my inner and outer distress at the ‘candid full body shots’ at the santa house by the slender samaritan (bitch), I am not feeling very good in my body at the moment, i.e., I feel FAT.

This feeling is not helped one iota by the January onslaught of diet center ads, FB resolution pages and our societal obsession with us all ‘getting back on track’ to rid ourselves of holiday poundage like a bunch of lemmings headed over the calorie-counting, carb-eliminating, boot-camp challenging cliff. And moi? I’m USED to the siren call of January. It’s in my blood like the salmon returning home to spawn – no matter that it’s against the current for the salmon AND they get to DIE after doing their genetic duty. They can’t HELP IT! It’s their instinctive programming. Their nature.

My nature is to feel fat, feel bad, feel that ‘getting back on track’ and THIS TIME shaping my out of control ass and thighs into buns of steel and a bass to be about is 100% in my habitual DNA. It’s one thing to sip tea and nibble French butter cookies when your pants zip easily. Oh brother, is it 1000 time harder when those pants feel tight.

Bike Fat

Two days ago Mark and I decided to do hill work on the bike and ride from the Pasadena Rosebowl to Descanso Gardens and back. It was a cold day. So, I got the bone-headed idea to try and wiggle into my cold-weather bike tights. Now, bike-tights are SUPPOSED to be tight and compress you, like panty hose on steroids. And I’m shocked and amazed that I managed to get them over my rear and tummy with multiple prayers and gatherings of fabric from the ankles with the torturous pinch and pull technique to move said fabric higher. Finally, well ensconced and walking like a sausage out into the weather. I came to a screeeeeeching halt. “Crap!”

“What’s wrong honey?”

“It’s not even f-ing cold enough to wear these ^%#$%@%$@$% tights, now, not ONLY am a gd sausage, I’m doing to sweat like an f-ing pig!” (Hope no kids were around to hear the state of my language rage).

I was frustrated. Pulling on bike tights when you are up several pounds is not conducive to feeling good in your body.

Mark has a solution.

“Why don’t you change clothes?”

Hmm. Why not change clothes? Why hadn’t that occurred to me?

Because gosh darn it, it had taken FOREVER TO SQUEEZE INTO THESE! Have you ever stuck with a bad idea because of all of the energy you’ve already thrown into it? This was an example of this.

“You’re right!”

Off to change into bike pants that fit and a fun, sunny ride.

Laurie and Mark in bike gear in front of the Descanso Gardens sign

Hooray! We made it up the hills and inclines to Descanso. Now it’s downhill from here baby!

SCREW YOU FEELING FAT!

Yesterday, I woke up, checked in with myself and despite the great bike ride of the day before, STILL FELT FAT! I distracted myself with the computer, then saw several diet center ads in my FB stream and plus size offers from Macy’s in my inbox. ARRRGGGHHHHH! Then several friends announced new diets, complete with scale information and other diet mentality triggers for me. OMG, will January NEVER END!? Er Laurie, it’s only the first days of January.

Ok, Ok, I got this. I got this. I’ll go on a SCREW YOU FEELING FAT WALK down to the park. I won’t worry about miles, speed, calories burned, anything. I’ll take the time to savor what I see and the experience. I’ll put it on Instagram.

And I did have a great walk! Here are some samples of my IG adventures.

Laurie sniffs a half peeled mandarin orange under an oak tree in the park

I stop to smell the ‘tangerines’.

Laurie points to a tree in the distance in the park

I’m pointing to the tree in the distance where you can barely see a rock. That is the podcast rock away from the main trail that I usually record from when I’m not talking while walking in the park.

back trail in the park. Blue skies with full round sun seen behind trees

The sun shines brightly on the back trail

And if you want to see the entire walk, check out my Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

OLD FRENEMIES Come to Call

Alien Robots are attacking me with bags of chips

Robot Aliens are what I call my binge behavior

Oh my Lordy, I went most of the day feeling fine in my slightly tighter jeans, but I just didn’t feel well about myself. I felt the familiar FAT is BAD, you are FAT hence YOU are BAD feelings that I am used to, but I also felt something more. I felt alone. I felt left out. Not invited to the calorie-counting lemming party. I couldn’t post my scale numbers, my after photos, my wonderful progress with my shiny new January diet. I was there in my newly too-tight pants, eating vegan and wondering, “What the hell am I doing?”

Who the heck would care about what I’m going through? Now, brave companions, pretty darn ironic, since YOU CARE and have proven over and over that you do, but some snits have NOTHING to do with logic or reality. This snit ran deep into that lonely little girl territory. All of those years where I wasn’t cool, not invited, and if I was invited, the butt of jokes and pranks. Feeling left out and different from the herd is terrifying. If I would just go on a diet, I could feel ok. Not because of my size, but because I would fit into the behavior of the crowd. I would be one with the January lemmings as usual. But I CAN’T go on a diet. I’m Intuitive Eating. I know diets aren’t for me. Hear the trigger BCs? I CAN’T go on a diet. So what does my rebel lonely subconscious do? It calls in the Robot Aliens. If a binge can’t convince her she needs to diet, what will? I binged to convince myself to belong. It was too scary not.

Salmon anyone?

I’ve always been a salmon, I even wrote a pretty great blog post that nobody much read on Daily Adventure Tales, called What’s it Like to be in the Water?. Take a read if you have a moment.

But all of these themes are coming to mind. Alone. Separate. Nobody cares. These are some of my deeper reasons for compulsive eating. Stay safely alone – fat. Be part of the crowd – fat. Worry about something other than emotional pain – fat.

This time I won’t be a salmon or a lemming. I’ll take each day as it comes. And if I CHOOSE to diet I will. If I CHOOSE not to diet I won’t. If I CHOOSE to eat meat I will. If I CHOOSE to forgo some treat I will. I’m not going to tell myself CAN’T anymore. I can take it. I can make decisions. I can change my mind. I can change my outlook. I can change the quality of my life.

*No salmon or lemmings were harmed during the writing of this blog post.

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Ep 0096 – Bonus – Disappointment isn’t Devastation

Laurie in a red hiking scarf in a grassy area on the trail with trees behind
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At the next to upper Zen place on New Year’s Eve Eve, I tried to replicate my selfie logo shot since I was wearing the same scarf, but couldn’t quite get it. Guess that was a one time happy accident.

Podcast Recap

From the mountain top on New Year’s Eve Eve I ponder the difference between disappointment and devastation. Stats about the blog. Who were the top 5 posters? Which episodes or posts were the most viewed? How many sold out shows of the Sydney Opera house would be equivalent to the total views of CompulsiveOvereatingDiary.com in 2014? Sue from the U.K. goes on the bravery report by telling us in her own voice about a special Christmas service she attended. BC Fionna’s latest entry about the coming year on her own blog, Fionna Sings, is featured. More about where you can post on CompulsiveOvereatingDiary.com. My watershed moments with self awareness, fun and feeling unexpectedly fat during Mark and my holiday in the Danish town of Solvang in California wine country. Supportive comments by Fionna, Dawny and Cheryl. A surprising comment from my therapist.

Cloudy grey skies above the mountain side. A lone tree in foreground.

The clouds rolled in as the temperature dropped.

A web of bare branches against a grey sky

I thought these rare bare branches in Southern California made an interesting photo.

Mentioned

Top 5 viewed posts of 2014

  1. Assorted Photos from Laurie’s Weight Story
  2. Trusting the Mirror, Photos or Your Heart?
  3. Ep 0068 – Depression and Always Feeling Responsible. I’ll Miss You Robin Williams
  4. Ep 0004 – Pathetic or not, here I come!
  5. Ep 0080 – Bonus – Support Group Details and Help! Crazy Fears!

Good places to post on CompulsiveOvereatingDiary.com

  1. Who are the brave companions? Tell your story
  2. The Bravery Report Post here as many times as you wish whenever you feel you did something brave. Also, you can find PDF rewards for bravery and for listening to all of the episodes.
  3. Advice Wanted – post here when you WANT feedback and advice on your situation
  4. Episode Index – find the day you want to post on of the podcast
  5. Blog Post Index – find blog posts to comment on

The excellent show notes and blog that NOBODY ever visits, at DailyAdventureTales.com

The Holiday Extravaganza Episode

BC Fionna’s Blog post about the coming year

My Christmas Intuitive Eating blog post

Fionna’s supportive comment on my Christmas adventure

Dawny’s comment

Cheryl’s comment

My response to Cheryl

Intuitive Eating Book on Amazon – please use the links below

Intuitive Eating

Ways to support the show financially

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

My Second Twitter Account JUST for bravery sayings @TheBraveryCoach

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

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Ep 0095 – Our 2014 Holiday Extravaganza

Laurie wears a santa hat and is looking up holding an orange on the hiking trail
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On podcast pages click the arrow to play the episode.
I’m so happy I think Santa may be flying overhead a little bit early.

Podcast Recap

Live from the Next to Upper Zen spot, I ponder letting go of ‘woe’ and bringing in the ‘yay’ just in time for our first annual Holiday Extravaganza. We get caught up with Kendra the Librarian, Hear greetings from Stéfanie from Quebec, Alen Standish, Mark, and our fake son, Steve. I have fun getting all Jib Jabbery with the holiday selfies. Suz goes on the bravery report for whipping up the courage to speak to us for the first time on Speakpipe before she plays her holiday concert piece, ‘Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ on piano. I put myself on the bravery report for daring to sing ‘Winter Wonderland’. Fionna rounds out our annual concert by singing a great rendition of ‘I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas’ while playing the ukulele. I tell about last year’s Christmas show for Daily Adventure Tales and play a bonus clip of a poem I wrote as a youth called ‘Twas the Groove Before Christmas. Special holiday music by the United States Marine Band.

Mentioned

Kendra Catches up with us via comment on Day 94

JibJab Fun

Click to see the fun video of Alen Standish and I as Santa’s Podcast Rockers!

Holiday Selfies R Us!

Stéfanie from Quebec in a red and green elf outfit

Stéfanie from Quebec rocks the elf look!


Dawny holds a photo of a cute black and white puppy in a santa hat

Dawny’s cute Christmas!


Laurie by a menorah

I’m glad I found a menorah for my fake son, Steve.

Laurie smooches a giant nutcracker statue

While Mark is away I steal a kiss.

Laurie with coffee by Christmas tree

I have my morning java by a beautifully decorated Christmas tree.

The Ghosts of Podcasts Past (and Present)

Twas the Groove before Christmas cover art

The cover of Twas the Groove before Christmas – a bonus clip from Daily Adventure Tales

Click to view the show notes and hear the Holiday Episode of Daily Adventure Tales, Ep 0016 – Christmas, It’s a Small Christian World, Don’t Twerk on Twitter, and other Holiday Adventures

My Interview of Cliff Ravenscraft on Daily Adventure Tales

Alen Standish’s blog and show, Progress, Not Perfection

Zero Calorie Holiday Treat I Made for You

Click to play your special BC Holiday Celebration online Word Search Puzzle – Enjoy!

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes
Intuitive Eating Book on Amazon – please use the links below

Intuitive Eating

Ways to support the show financially

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

My Second Twitter Account JUST for bravery sayings @TheBraveryCoach

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Greeting and French Jingle Bells: BC Stéfanie from Quebec
Greeting for Hanukkah: Fake Son, Steve
Greeting from fellow podcaster: Fake Little Bro, Alen Standish
Silly Greeting for the new year: Mark Weaver (with help from Laurie)
Concert piece – ‘I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas’: performed by BC Fionna
Concert piece – ‘Winter Wonderland’: performed by BC Laurie
Concert piece – ‘Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas’: performed by BC Suz
Poem – ‘Twas the Groove Before Christmas’: written and performed by Laurie Weaver

SFX used in Twas the Groove before Christmas

  1. Jingle Bells
    http://www.freesound.org/people/juskiddink/
  2. Bongos
    http://www.freesound.org/people/stomachache/
  3. That’s groovy
    http://www.freesound.org/people/cogitoandcradle/
  4. Burp
    http://www.freesound.org/people/baidonovan/
  5. Christmas song loop
    http://www.freesound.org/people/milton./sounds/85209/

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Featured Holiday Music

We Wish You a Merry Christmas by United States Marine Band is licensed under aPublic Domain Mark 1.0 License.

We Wish You a Merry Christmas – A secular sixteenth-century English carol from the West Country of England Performed by The U.S. Marine Corps Band, ‘The President’s Own,’

Auld Lang Syne by United States Marine Band is licensed under a Public Domain Mark 1.0 License.

Auld Lang Syne written in 1788 by Scottish poet Robert Burns it is set to the tune of a traditional folk song. It is most often heard to celebrate the start of the new year at midnight on New Year’s Day. Performed by The U.S. Marine Corps Band

The United States Marine Band is the premier band of the United States Marine Corps. Established by act of Congress on July 11, 1798, it is the oldest of the United States military bands and the oldest professional musical organization in the United States. Today, the Marine Band also includes the Marine Chamber Orchestra and Marine Chamber Ensembles.

Resource of the day

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