Tag Archives: disordered eating

Ep 0057 – Bonus – Why do I only feel worth money doing what I DON’T care about?

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I take a rest at my next to upper Zen spot before recording. I am SO tired. I didn’t sleep much last night and my exhaustion shows on my face. Despite that, it feels SO good to be back on the mountain.

Podcast Recap

I take a huge risk and explore what’s REALLY under my fear of associating business and money with doing what I love. Control? Lack of assertiveness? Lack of self-worth? Panic? As I think about my career past, I wonder why I can only see my value when I’m doing what I DON’T care about. A warm hello and welcome to new listener and brave companion, Monica from Australia! Please take a minute and post your hellos to her also.

Trail in sunlight against the grassy hill

I love this shot of the trail leading to my upper Zen spot from my next to upper Zen spot. See how beautiful the colors were this morning? How vibrant the light!

Prayer rocks on the fence next to Laurie's hat and hiking poles.

You can see my prayer rocks in the shadows next to my hat. I placed these today with the thought of guidance. Can I actually attempt to make money doing what I love? Can I keep true to my vision? Can I continue to be of help to others and myself? Very scary and tricky stuff.

Mentioned

My pathetic Episode Day 4

ToonaCat’s Kids Club – the Creative Place for Kids! The archived version of my former website for kids.

An article about Money being harder to talk about than Sex!

Do you want to buy these on Amazon? – please use the links below (See, I’m practicing being assertive.)

Eating in the Light of the Moon

Intuitive Eating

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

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Ep 0056 – Pie, Bravery and Feeling Good in Your Body

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Boy Howdy it’s hot today! I’m happy to fan myself in the shade under a tree in my local park prior to recording.

Podcast Recap

My experience learning intuitive eating features a pissy mood, a pie craving, and the support of good friends. Alen Standish renames his podcast and I explain why that is brave. A hearty welcome to our newest Sparkpeople team member, Zhenya. Our new brave companion, Stephanie, from Germany, is once again on the bravery report and because I face up to some of my biggest fears, I put MYSELF on the bravery report too! Thoughts on how to love the body you have right now. Thanks to Sue, Cheryl, Kendra and Stéfanie for supportive comments.

My freshly baked French pear tart and real whipped cream. This is so strange to do when I’m not expecting company and when I’m also not bingeing, it feels almost other worldly – and not in a Robot Alien way.

Slice of pear tart on a botanical garden pattern dessert plate.

Here’s my satisfying slice of pear tart with a side of real whipped cream. Decadent! This is actually the smallest plate in the set, a bread plate. I’ll get 8-10 pieces of the tart at this size, if it doesn’t go bad, but it was totally enough.

Mentioned

My Adventures with Pie – Blog post

Alen’s podcast episode on perfectionism where he shares his show’s new name and why he changed it.

Sue’s helpful comment about my pie craving

Stéfanie’s great advice about pie eating

Cheryl’s congrats about the pie

My pie response

My Breakfast saving post referred to by Stephanie

My Weight Story

Photos of My Weight Story

Kendra’s supportive comment about my photos

Cheryl’s supportive comment about my photos

Stephanie from Germany’s first post in support of my photos. Please take a moment and welcome her.

Intuitive Eating

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

The Spark People Team we created for listeners of Compulsive Overeating Diary who might like to count calories or post how hungry you are instead! Welcome to our newest member, Zhenya. So far, we’re up to twelve team members, and we would welcome some more! 10/22/14- no longer an active team due to lack of participation

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

Continue reading →

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Assorted Photos from Laurie’s Weight Story

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I’m putting myself on the bravery report.

I decided to share some assorted unretouched photos to show you my slide up and down the scale. You can read my weight story here, or by selecting Laurie’s Weight Story from the menu.

At first I didn’t want to have “Before and After” type of photos as part of my blog, because I focus much more on the here and now of the present moment. But I decided to share my weight story in the hopes of encouraging other brave companions that have yo-yoed forever, that there IS hope to come to peace with your food issues and body. I’m not ashamed of any of these. They are all part of my story and what makes me who I am today.

Much love to you brave companions

Laurie at 30 holding a cat and looking slim.

29 or 30 years old and my first success with Weight Watchers getting to goal. That time I went from 200 down to 146 in 12 months. It was WAY easier at that time. This success was the first time I was not overweight or obese as an adult. It lasted less than one year. When I moved to California at age 31 I was already back to the high 180s. Even at this weight, I was very self-conscious about the size of my thighs – but my chest and face were getting skeletal, so I decided to stop losing weight here.

Dancing with Mark when we were first dating. Probably around 225 – the same weight I was when I started the show. On a fast track to 245, what I weighed on our wedding day, and then on to over 300. I was 34.

Laurie in a green dress at her highest weight

Near my highest weight of around 300 pounds. Age 38 or 39

After two years of hard focus, work, support from friends, AND exercise bulimia I’m at my goal of 153. I stayed here one day total. Then maintained 159 for a couple of years. I was 42. I’m holding my “before photo” of me at 3. I don’t really believe in before and after photos, because as long as we breathe we are changing.

One of the professional photos taken after my 2nd Body for Life cycle. (Same time as my bikini shot) I intended to pursue once again my goal of becoming a motivational speaker to encourage women past 40 that they could lose weight and get fit. But as I’ve shared in my show, I actually felt like I was too fat and a failure and only threw these photos into a box, never to be seen until now. My heart was breaking as the photos were taken. I had to “go on with the show” because I had many friends there for the scheduled shoot. It was supposed to have been a triumph, like the “After photos” in a magazine. I weighed 172 and was 45 years old just 8 months after a hysterectomy and weight gain that put me back up to 189-190. Now I think I look really well.

I just took this one for episode 52. It’s my first full body photo since my after shoot. I’m 55 and at my current weight of 207. I love this photo more than all the rest, because I am at peace and love my body as it is. My hope is that I will continue to feel this way as my journey to an integrated life moving toward authentic relationships with people and away from fear of food continues.

My latest bravery. I asked Mark to take a photo of me full body in my clingy bike gear on our last bike ride! Age 55 and Weight 209.

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Intuitive Eating Update – I’m still learning a lot about how my body tells me things

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Hello Brave Companions!

I think this is the FIRST time I’ve ever wrapped up some of my breakfast when I had prepared what is a usual serving for me. I’m so used to calorie counting that I prepare and eat whatever I make! When eating out I do regularly bring home leftovers and will stop eating when satisfied since US restaurant portions are WAY OVERSIZED for what I can eat. But I have never done this before at home. Hmmm interesting. It may be that I need to serve myself MORE food so I can feel it’s ok to stop eating when satisfied.

What’s that you say body? Speak up, I can’t quite hear you!

It is so surprisingly difficult to understand body’s cries and coos after 50 years of ignoring or suppressing hunger/fullness signals. Yesterday afternoon, I ate when I knew I wasn’t really hungry, because I was nervous and edgy, BUT because of my practice could not really eat much, because I was SO aware of how full I was after very few bites. This AM I woke up with that weird empty/full feeling that happens when your gut is still working on yesterday and your tummy is empty today. I decided to eat a little and see what happens. It took very little egg and toast for tummy to feel ok. I actually wrapped up the rest of my breakfast for later. In the past, I would have tried to wait to eat for several hours until my gut was as empty as my tummy, feeling that I didn’t deserve to eat yet. This new approach of feeding tummy worked much better. I feel balanced and peaceful. My energy is now back where it should be, and thoughts of food are for once, not on my mind. Very interesting process. Again, not easy. Not quick weight loss, or even guaranteed weight loss, but right in line with my goal of living where I don’t fear food, love food, and live an integrated life where relationships with people take precedence.

Thanks: Yesterday’s podcast episode had LOADS of content and I really got a lot out of listening to it while editing. Thanks Tove for posting, Lisa for calling the bravery hotline and Stephanie from Germany for giving me permission to read your brave letter.

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Ep 0055 – Robot Aliens as Good Guys? Intuitive Eating and Hallo Stephanie!

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The cane is again my companion as I hobble around the park due to a run-in with an icepack gone wrong!

Podcast Recap

Stéfanie and Cheryl give me a lot to think about as we discover how Robot Aliens are actually my protectors. I share how I’m finally learning to understand myself through therapy and intuitive eating techniques help me make peace with my body. Lisa from Boston calls the bravery hotline with her book recommendation and I’m thrilled that Stephanie writes me from Germany. I finally discover how to look at all of the international iTunes stores and see the brave companions’ reviews in countries outside of the U.S., and we give a big welcome shout-out to our newest listener and brave companion, Tove.

Tiger the cat on Laurie's lap at the computer.

Here’s my little podcast assistant, Tiger. He loves to help with FB posting and show editing. Maybe he should get a production credit?

Ouch! Here’s the burn on my left knee from letting an icepack remain against my bare skin by accident. Don’t do that! I always ice my knee after bike riding, and this time it bit me.