We’re all smiles as we complete our regular 15-mile route today. First time since my back issues.
Today I woke up in a cold sweat of worry and rumination. Is the podcast dying? Am I screwing up yet again? Am I getting fatter? Am I fooling myself? Yada Yada Yada…
What happened? When last we left the ranch, wasn’t Laurie ascending the mountain, feeling spiffy and proclaiming endless love for this project?
True.
I felt successful and happy.
Punch to the gut. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY!
I’m used to crappy and failure. Fat despite all heroic attempts, projects burning, relationships abandoned, and moody swings-are-me.
I’m definitely whipping’ up a massive blue period for myself these days!
Here’s the recipe:
Laurie’s Big Old Batch of Blue
Ingredients:
- Self-Doubt
- self-criticism
- Self-Centric
- Circumstances beyond control
- Strong need to control circumstances beyond control
- Worry
- Rumination
- Extra Worry
- Physical limits
- Strong need to pay NO ATTENTION to physical limits
- Tendency to rage when thwarted
- Strong feeling that rage is bad
- Tendency to ergo turn rage toward self
- Tendency to feel thwarted by circumstances beyond control
Instructions:
- Live Life
- Encounter a challenge
- Add a sprinkling of other human beings reacting to their own challenges
- Take responsibility for said other reactions
- Stir ingredients over and over and over until frothy
- Think on these endlessly until Big Old Batch of Blue is ready.
- To Test if done, poke self endlessly until maximum pain causes self to throw in some important towel.
Whatever you do, keep kindness, tolerance, reaching out to friends, honest self-expression, self-understanding, fun bike rides and snarky weird blog posts away, as they may cause Big Old Batch of Blue to self-destruct and hopeful ‘joy despite all odds’ to reappear.