Tag Archives: feeling blue

And now for something COMPLETELY different…

Laurie and Mark smile wearing bike helmets
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We’re all smiles as we complete our regular 15-mile route today. First time since my back issues.

Today I woke up in a cold sweat of worry and rumination. Is the podcast dying? Am I screwing up yet again? Am I getting fatter? Am I fooling myself? Yada Yada Yada…

What happened? When last we left the ranch, wasn’t Laurie ascending the mountain, feeling spiffy and proclaiming endless love for this project?

True.

I felt successful and happy.

Punch to the gut. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY!

I’m used to crappy and failure. Fat despite all heroic attempts, projects burning, relationships abandoned, and moody swings-are-me.

I’m definitely whipping’ up a massive blue period for myself these days!

Here’s the recipe:

Laurie’s Big Old Batch of Blue

Ingredients:

  • Self-Doubt
  • self-criticism
  • Self-Centric
  • Circumstances beyond control
  • Strong need to control circumstances beyond control
  • Worry
  • Rumination
  • Extra Worry
  • Physical limits
  • Strong need to pay NO ATTENTION to physical limits
  • Tendency to rage when thwarted
  • Strong feeling that rage is bad
  • Tendency to ergo turn rage toward self
  • Tendency to feel thwarted by circumstances beyond control

Instructions:

  1. Live Life
  2. Encounter a challenge
  3. Add a sprinkling of other human beings reacting to their own challenges
  4. Take responsibility for said other reactions
  5. Stir ingredients over and over and over until frothy
  6. Think on these endlessly until Big Old Batch of Blue is ready.
  7. To Test if done, poke self endlessly until maximum pain causes self to throw in some important towel.

Whatever you do, keep kindness, tolerance, reaching out to friends, honest self-expression, self-understanding, fun bike rides and snarky weird blog posts away, as they may cause Big Old Batch of Blue to self-destruct and hopeful ‘joy despite all odds’ to reappear.

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