Tag Archives: laurie weaver

Ep 0065 – Gratitude, Stories and Bravery Day – Featuring Laurie’s Story with Paul Gilmartin

Headshot of Laurie and Paul Gilmartin
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Here I am with Paul Gilmartin following our interview for his very successful podcast, “The Mental Illness Happy Hour.”

Podcast Recap

Thanks to Brave Companion Jenny, I was interviewed by comedian, Paul Gilmartin for his very successful podcast, The Mental Illness Happy Hour. I spill how it all went down and have a special gratitude surprise for Jenny. Thanks too to Garden Girl KP who kindly reviewed this show on her weight maintenance blog and who gave the show a 5 star review on iTunes. I ponder letting go of assumptions, welcome new listener Sofia from Sweden who reaches out via FB, and place new listener Amy on the Bravery Report for not only contacting me via the contact form, but for stepping up and calling the bravery hotline immediately after a compulsive eating experience to talk it through with us vs. beating herself up. Brava Amy! Last, but not least, Brave Companion, Dawny makes show history by being the FIRST BC to call for Foolish Fun. Thanks too to more brave companions who have shown their support to the show financially.

Laurie sideways in her bathroom mirror, hand on hip, wearing tank top and shorts

Just like we can have days where we feel fat, the day I recorded episode 65 I felt like my middle was feeling more fit so I snapped this selfie of it. Not so much to say my body looks good, but to remember *I* FELT it looked good. We can be so picky and down on ourselves. I’m happy to record moments of self-kindness.

Parkland grass and trees

I recorded here, at the park, following our bike ride on Monday. It was SO bright and hot. My podcast rock is located beyond the group of trees to the left.

Mentioned

Garden Girl’s review of Compulsive Overeating Diary on her Weight Maintenance blog, please stop by and leave your comments for Karen

Paul Gilmartin’s Wikipedia article

Website for Paul’s show, The Mental Illness Happy Hour

Day 64 – please support our new listener from Rhode Island

Dawny and my comment conversation about Foolish Fun

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

The Spark People Team we created for listeners of Compulsive Overeating Diary. Weclome, new team member, AMELIABRIN. So far, we’re up to lucky thirteen team members, and we would welcome some more! 10/22/14- no longer an active team due to lack of participation

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Laurie’s Foolish Fun Intro Announcer: Mark Weaver
Foolish Fun Content: Dawny

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Sounds used in Laurie’s Foolish Fun Intro

  • Slide Whistle sounds
    http://www.freesound.org/people/plingativator/sounds/188873/
  • Background Tune/Beat
    http://www.freesound.org/people/siakitty/sounds/38478/
  • Girl’s Laughter
    http://www.freesound.org/people/choplin/sounds/109759/
  • Phone Ring
    http://www.freesound.org/people/winsx87/sounds/152028/

Resource of the day


I’ve Gained Weight. Now What Am I Gonna Do?
A wonderful article by RD and Intuitive Eating practitioner, Lori F. Lieberman about how to achieve balance in the face of this all too usual situation. Highly recommended!
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I don’t know what I weigh and my compulsive mind is declaring all out WAR!

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Laurie shrugs

How the heck can I *KNOW* what I weigh? The scale is in the garage and my heart is pounding like mad. Can I be addicted to the number?

Good-bye Sweet Scale, I knew him well…


Day one of our separation, my former beloved scale and me. I’m surprised by how very much I miss our dysfunctional relationship. How I defined my life by trying to meet its irrational needs.

The closest thing I can compare the antsy, ‘don’t know what to do with myself’ feeling is to when I gave up smoking. Giving up smoking is HELL on WHEELS. I had to spend about 1000 months sitting in the bathtub eating Milk Duds because I never smoked in the bathtub and the sugar gave me a rush similar to the nicotine.

Lordy, I haven’t thought of that in years!

How can NOT stepping on a physical object give me withdrawal symptoms? This is NUTSO! Suppose I just hadn’t gotten around to stepping on it yet, I wouldn’t care. It’s the whole “quitting” thing. But what am I ACTUALLY quitting?

The scale is a symbol of my deeply entrenched diet/compulsive/binge cycle. It’s the arbitrator of when I do what actions in this cycle. It’s the Lord of my brain. The director of all. The Czar of potato chips or broccoli. How can I cope all on my own?

Hmm, even rereading these true feelings kind of gives me the willies.

Let me try logic to calm these feelings – doesn’t usually work with me, but let’s give it a go.

Self! Listen Up!

  1. Our body weighs whatever it weighs whether or not we are on the scale.
  2. The scale never changed one once of weight.
  3. We did that by our behaviors.
  4. We BASED our behaviors on the FEELINGS generated by the daily scale number
  5. How did THAT work out for us HMMM??

Hmm, logic is kind of bossy. I don’t think I respond well to bossy while in the painful throws of withdrawal. Let’s try empathy. More my style.

Self Honey, Come let me give you a hug!

  1. That scale has never been kind to us and we deserve kindness and respect.
  2. I love you self no matter what we weigh.
  3. It’s OK to be whatever size we are because we are MORE then just our body.
  4. I know it’s scary, but the scale can’t tell us how you feel inside.
  5. It’s going to be ok. We can trust our body to tell us what to eat.

Wow, I feel kind of better with the empathetic approach, but still suspicious and slightly pissed off. Like when your mom tells you you are pretty when all of the kids call you names based on your looks, and when the therapist says how good you are when you are paying money for them to be “into your feelings”. Nice to hear, but I can’t quite let it in.

How about I try the rational “What the hell have we got to lose?” approach?

Self, let’s think about this together

Q. Self What’s the Worse that can happen?

A. I can gain 100 pounds and not notice.

Q. On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being not a chance in hell, and 10 you can bet your life, how likely is that to happen?

A. Umm 2?

Q. how likely is it you will start to pay more attention to your inner feelings without a daily weigh-in?

A. Umm 10?

Q. And on a scale of 1-10 if this doesn’t work out for us, can we change our mind?

A. 10, but I would look like a failure and a fool if I changed my mind.

Q. What’s wrong with that?

A. I’d feel badly

Q. Why?

A. Because if I appear perfect and good and that all is well with me, people will finally accept me.

Q. Who has accepted you more. The scale or the brave companions who know you are NOT perfect?

A. I guess we can toss the Milk Duds.

If you’d like to know how I finally arrived at the decision to ‘garage’ the most important thing in my life, I describe it on Day 64 of my podcast.
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Ep 0064 – Inner Bravery and Trusting Yourself

Laurie's head leaning against one hand.
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I contemplate my life in the shade of a lovely tree.

Podcast Recap

I make a shocking decision about what to let go of today! A new way to measure progress is rolled out. Thanks to listeners for supporting the show on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn radio. Special thanks to Cheryl, Sue, and Karen for posting comments on Alen’s blogs after our interview. Dawny is on the bravery report for calling the bravery hotline with an audio question for Alen and my next interview. I answer part of the question now and Alen weighs in via email until we can address the topics more in depth in future. I’m pleased and humbled that a new listener and brave companion from Rhode Island calls the bravery hotline to share her story and we are the very first people to ever hear her thoughts about her eating struggles. I’m also floored that a Brave Companion actually sent me $5.00 via my new button and I dig deep on what that brings up in me and why. More thoughts and feedback about the scale and a key comment from Kendra via Facebook. I share more about my long held dream of trying voice acting and how my social meeting with actual voice actors went. Helen supports Gracie with a kind comment and I use this to send my own good wishes to Gracie.
Sun shines above a canopy of leaves

The view looking up today!

Mentioned

Alen’s Quit Binge Eating Site and Alen’s new Progress Not Perfection Site

The episode where I talk about serving myself larger portions to help me with intuitive eating

Kendra’s helpful comments about the scale on FB

My blog post about being more than a compulsive eater

Dawny’s comment that gave me the bravery push to meet the voice actors

Cheryl’s supportive comment about my dream

My reply to Cheryl summing up my experience

Helen’s support for Gracie

The episode about Gracie

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day


How to Believe in Yourself
A cool wikiHow article with pictures! Highly recommended. Check out these tips next time you are feeling self-doubt and I bet at least ONE of these tips will make you smile.
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I’m Much More Than Compulsive Eating!

Laurie's new business card
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I’m proud of myself for actually making a business card prior to meeting new people.

Laurie in bike gear under a market umbrella.

I’m enjoying the shady umbrella at Descanso Gardens, the half-way pit stop on our hill workout. I’m a bundle of nerves about meeting new people on my own tonight, so it felt good to work off some of that nervous energy.

Who am I?

In less than two hours I’ll be driving out to meet a group of people whom I’ve never met. They are a social and networking group of working voice actors and people interested in voice acting.

As you might know, if you listen to my podcast, I am NOT a working voice actor. I am a lady who decided to do an experiment and talk out loud attached to a digital recorder and a collar mic about compulsive eating while walking and hiking. Yowsers, what an odd idea. How do I explain THAT to anyone who doesn’t understand?

In my college days I spent three years intensely studying drama and writing before I ultimately finished college with a degree in education. I was exposed to voice acting and loved it, because even then, I felt uncomfortable in my body. I have always loved telling stories and I have always loved portraying characters with my voice. I always WISHED for the bravery to pursue voice acting. It is one of those impossible dreams, like singing.

Here in Southern California, there are many studios and production companies. Also classes and master classes and improv classes and acting classes. Likewise a zillion people migrate here all of the time with a dream to enter the “business” in some way. Some of them are my friends.

Most waiters or waitresses here are actors or writers or directors.

I feel like I’m too old for such nonsense.

And yet, somewhere there is still a spark of interest and ‘what if?’ stirring.

I’ve been fairly successful talking about my compulsive eating issues, and I will continue with that. But once the food is no longer my master, once its hold is no longer the glue that holds my life together, nor the excuse of why I can’t even try, what then?

Who am I under it all?

Who am I to go to a meeting designed for folks who know their path. Who have had talent and training and who have actually booked a job or two? Who am I to dare to be something new?

Mark and I are going to ride a 50 mile bike race come Nov. That’s a different high than eating, or planning to eat. That’s riding. That’s climbing the hills with sweat and toil and flying down the other side, free as blazes while our hearts pump steady with the joy of life. I’ve done this before. I love the feeling, I love the training, and even though I’m not the fastest, the thinnest, or the youngest, I feel a part of that world.

So I have one thing at least under the food.

I also love to speak and create talks and classes and interact with live people. That’s a different thing than climbing hills alone and talking into a recorder, creating thoughts that you can edit. Speaking in person is risky and alive and things can easily go wrong. But I’ve done that before. I’ve survived that before. I’ve been a wonderful speaker and had the time of my life, several times over. Even with the fear of how my brain is now, my mouth is now and my attention is now, I feel a part of that world.

But to have another wish. A secret wish. A wish to try to pursue a long held dream. The dream I let go to follow teaching. I told myself I was practical to become a teacher. There were jobs there, and I supported myself since the day I was 18. I told myself I was grown up and mature. My friends went to LA and New York to try to be actors. I cried and waved good-bye. I visited and kept books of their clips. I clapped and cheered and wiped their tears. Some worked awhile. Many died. It was the time of aids and drugs and rock and roll. I retreated into safety. I was happy to be alive and have money.

But inside my heart broke not to try.

I had a normal life. A usual life. A life with many adventures. I left teaching and my home and made a new life in California.

But again, I didn’t try to do what I wanted.

I did what was safe and made money. I did that until I retired.

All the while I kept eating my pain or dieting thinking that thin would make me happy.

Today is the scariest day of my life.

I’m not waiting to be thin. I’m taking a risk. I’m taking my first step toward something that interests me, that isn’t sensible or wise or about making money.

Who am I under all of this fear and food obsession?

Maybe today I’ll start to find out.

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Ep 0063 – My Dream Self vs. My Current Self and about Intuitive Exercise

Laurie in glasses and a sleeveless blouse
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I like this selfie taken from above. I’m sitting on my podcast rock in the local park and it is HOT and HUMID and flies are buzzing me!

Podcast Recap

I surprisingly recognize how I’ve been holding on to an impossible dream version of myself and how I need to let that go to appreciate the Laurie in the here and now. Shout-outs to Sue and Sandy for supporting Crystal on her brave post on the ‘Who are the Brave Companions page’, thank you to Amazon shoppers in the UK and US. I mention another way to support the podcast financially. Welcome to new listeners Dawny from Spokane and Garden Girl KP who found us via Alen’s interview. More reactions from brave companions about the interview and I list why I’m grateful it happened. Alen asks the brave companions for input on our next interview. I get the comments and thoughts from brave companions, old and new, that I asked for about my scale struggle. I ponder the benefits of intuitive exercise.
Laurie takes a photo of herself wearing shorts in the mirror.

I’m either out of my mind or in a VERY brave mood today. Here’s photo proof that I actually wore baggy shorts in public to the park. Wanting to feel comfortable in the weather beat fear of exposing my lumpy legs.

Mentioned

Alen Standish Interviews Me for Episode 42 of Progress, Not Perfection. Take a listen, and if you like it, please post your thoughts to Alen on his blog as well as here, if you’ve a mind to comment 🙂

Button to “Buy me a $5.00 cup of coffee” if you wish to support the podcast financially.

The episode where I explained how weird I feel about ever asking for money on Day 57

The episode where Kendra called the bravery hotline and gave us the protein tip

The episode where Brandi called the bravery hotline. If you haven’t heard this one, give it a listen. Brandi is so honest, funny and touching

The Episode about the Lull, or boredom, that Dawny Mentions

Garden Girl KP’s Blog

Garden Girl’s Interesting Comments about the scale on FB

Cheryl’s Comment about the Scale on Day 62

Stephanie from Germany’s nice comment about Alen and my interview on Day 62

Stéfanie’s comment about her house renovation on Day 61

Sue’s Comment about the scale challenge on Day 61

The shocking cat photo that started this show

Do you want to buy this book or anything else on Amazon? – please use the links below

Intuitive Eating

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day


Quantified Self
the Wikipedia article link first given us by Stéfanie on Day 60. Interesting history.
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