Here I am like Maria in the Sound of Music. I so enjoyed my Dance Moment on the mountain.
Podcast Recap
Inspired by supportive comments from BC Dave, I enjoy some wonderful moments up at the next to upper Zen spot where I ponder about persistence in the face of challenges and perceived failure. I’m grateful to BC Petra for her kind video message and for new iTunes reviews from Australia and the UK. We also hear from BCs Kelly and Dawny. For today’s dance moment I challenge you all to have a Funky 60 second Dance Party like I did on the mountain. As proof I posted a video of my Funky Mountain Dance to IG as LaurieDreamWeaver.
You can see the next to upper Zen place is an island of welcome shadow for recording despite the hot sun.
It’s me wearing contacts! I decided to see if I could wear them so I can go on camera for TV commercials and not be limited by my prescription glasses.
Podcast Recap
I ponder what it means to believe in ourselves down at my local park on the podcast rock. Hear my brand spanking new professional animation demo. Comments and updates from BCs Jo from the U.K., Dawny and Dave. BC Louise from the U.k. goes on the Bravery Report for publicly posting her story. BC Svetlana comments on FB about a short video I posted to IG. Follow me on IG as LaurieDreamWeaver. If you participate and are known to me as a BC, feel free to friend me on FB. BC Louise from the U.K.’s comment inspires me to discuss where participation comes from and why it ebbs and flows. Today’s dance moment is a quirky blues tune called Delta Beats by IB Audio.
Thanks to my recent first time adventures with contacts – I can rock ready-made non-prescription glasses. I call these my RockStar Shades! What do you think?
Mentioned
The Last Show, with comments from Dawny and Jo from the UK
I’m smiling because I appreciate the miracle of shade on such a bright and sunny day.
Podcast Recap
I let go of life on autopilot and learn to see the miracles all around. We celebrate a HUGE bravery report moment for BC Petra. Welcome to New BCs Stephanie from West Virginia who reached out on FB and Theresa who posted on Day 9. We get a sample of comments from Mary S., BC Laura R (soon to be S), Dawny and Amy from WI. Thanks again to Amazon shoppers. Big thanks also to Kindred Spirit, Josephine who left a kind review on USA iTunes, and a big, big smooch to BC Mary S. who sent me a heart-touching gift in the mail. I read a snippet of the blog post I wrote about what Mary’s gift meant to me. We meet my friend and new BC JoJo from CA who stopped by the blog to comment.
The famous Next To Top Zen Bench – where I record most of the shows from the mountain.
Caught these small delicate flowers growing up from a cactus-like plant in rocky dry conditions. This inspired me.
New BCs
BC Theresa who commented on Day 9
BC Stephanie from West Virginia who reached out on Facebook
BC JoJo from CA who commented on the blog post about Mary S.’s gift.
So long, Adieu, Auf Wiedersehen, Adiós, Cheerio! From Mark and me in our new sound studio. We’ve had a great time making this show and we send you much love along with it.
Podcast Recap
The epic end of the series. I visit all three of my regular podcast spots and walk down memory lane as well as look toward the future. Features include – a new song by BC Fionna Lane titled A Light in the Dark. A live radio play written by BC David Glowen, directed by David Babich and starring professional and student voice actors. Good-bye audio messages from Cheryl, Sue from the UK, BC Dave, Stéfanie from Quebec, María from Spain and Fionna. Foolish Fun with Dawny Taylor. Stéfanie’s Secret Topic. Stories read by members of the writing group. Good-bye comments from BCs. We welcome the last new BC, Petra. An interview with Alen Standish. Hear my work in the sound booth with voice acting director David Babich as we work on my professional demo. Mark stands in one last time for my scale, and much much more!
At Descanso Gardens
A kiss from Descanso Gardens
The actual podcast bench by the dry river bed at Descanso Gardens
The view of the dry river bed from the podcast bench at Descanso Gardens
Host: Laurie Weaver Special Guest interview: Alen Standish of Inner Effort Special Guest interview and Laurie in the Sound Booth Voice Acting Direction: David Babich of David Babich Studio Laurie’s Stories Intro Announcer: Mark Weaver Dave vs.The Robot Aliens Written by: Dave Glowen Dave vs.The Robot Aliens Directed by:David Babich Dave vs.The Robot Aliens Cast:
Taylor Watkins as Dave
David Babich as Robot Alien #1
Ray Holdridge as Robot Alien #2
Valerie Schrementi (Alvarez) as Robot Alien #3
Laurie Weaver as herself
Laurie’s Foolish Fun Intro Announcer: Mark Weaver Laurie’s Foolish Funner: Dawny Taylor Stéfanie’s Secret Topic Intro Announcer: Mark Weaver Stéfanie’s Secret Topic concept, content and voice by: Stéfanie Lepage Mark’s No-Diet Report Intro Announcer: Mark Weaver Bravery Alert Announcer: Mark Weaver Writing Group Member Stories The Judge written and read by Peter (J.P.) Bumstead The Birch Bat written and read by Jake Terrell The Collector written and read by Samantha Marquis The Beach written and read by Mark Weaver
Well the time has come
I must move on
We have come to journey’s end
So I’ll say “goodbye” and I’ll be on my way
I will carry memories with me
And I’ll always call you “friend”
I’ve a feeling we will meet again one day
Chorus:
Thank you for loving me selflessly
You gave me strength to find what I need
We’ll be apart, but you’re always in my heart
I hope you know
You were my light in the dark
What will I do in my new life?
Gonna travel ’round the world
I’ll be anywhere I want to be
The best part is I’m livin’
And I’m brave and feeling free
And I’ll proudly say “I’m happy to be me!”
(Chorus)
Bridge:
At last I’m not scared of my tears
I let them fall
Free as the wind
Your words helped me conquer my fears
And I love you all
I love you all
(Chorus)
(Repeat chorus
Laurie Sings Intro and Outro
America : My country ’tis of thee (Metropolitan Quartet)
Composer: Smith, Samuel Francis
Performer: Metropolitan Quartet
Date Issued: 1914
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It’s a Christmas Eve Miracle! I only ate half of this chocolate, and I even like it. It was just that one bite was enough.
A Different Kind of Christmas
This my dears, is the true Christmas story of Laurie, Mark, and the impact of Intuititve Eating. Mark and I made a different kind of Christmas for ourselves this year. No family or friends were on our horizon, so we decided to turn our solitude into an adventure opportunity. We took off in our convertible up the coast to the Danish town of Solvang. Here’s just one of the incredible views we saw on the way.
One of the many beautiful vistas we saw driving up to Solvang.
As you can see from the very first photo in this story, I had some amazing Intuititve Eating success and progress. I also had some challenges. Intutitive Eating for me is more than about how much food I eat. It’s also about accepting myself with kindness and love, and making decisions that allow me to have the most authentic and relationship-primary life I can. What a weird phrase I just coined, ‘Relationship-primary’. But it IS one of my goals, because frankly, my food and my body concerns have been my top concern over everything and everybody else for most of my life. That’s what disordered eating is. Just like any addiction, not only does it mess with you with physical consequences, it messes with your life in the form of off-kilter choices in how you deal with people and events.
A Dawn of a New Day
Amazing dawn greets me from the terrace of our room. I get to have coffee with this view.
This amazing photo was taken at the same time as I ate half of a chocolate, the dawn of Christmas Eve. A wonderful chance gave us one of the few rooms in this hotel that has a terrace outside of its sliding door. I took advantage to relax and take in my surroundings. To observe the beauty of nature, somewhat privately, yet hearing the hotel-piped Christmas music is a relaxing and gratitude inducing experience. At this moment, all was right with my world.
The Good
When I went down to get my coffee, I was greeted with a winter wonderland and an explosion of holiday decorations. I LOVED it. I felt festive and happy.
Olaf and I have a tender moment. The hotel has a whole area dedicated to photo ops from the movie, Frozen. Fun to watch the kids get excited here.
Another fun thing I love here is the chance to play ‘Bad Cats’ – my favorite pinball machine. It brings me back to my youth when there was no digital anything. When cameras had film, phone had cords, and teen hangouts had pinball wizards. Sadly, I wasn’t a wizard, but I LOVED to play. Pinball takes me outside of my body and all concentration is on those buzzers and bells. The machines are physical in how you gain feedback in a way video games are not. I love to play pinball. Mark and I had fun taking turns and laughing as much when we quickly lost our ball as when we made all of the buzzers sound and heard the exciting cry of ‘Bad Cats’.
One of my favorite things to do at this property. They have old style pinball – Bad Cats! It meows, hisses and makes me laugh.
Solvang – More Good – Mostly
Mark wants to go on the horse trolley tour of the Danish style town of Solvang. We did, it was awesome!
Solvang is a Danish style town up in the wine country of Santa Ynez. It was depicted well in the male-mid-life-crisis-buddy picture, Sideways. Mark and I in fact, ate dinner the night before Christmas Eve at the Hitching Post, the restaurant featured in Sideways. Delish! We ate for hours, drank a fine pinot, and I had no feeling of fear or of being overstuffed. I ate just enough for me and enjoyed it throughly. It was a good memory and enjoying our meal and each other was the focus of our night. Relationship-Primary Success!
Next day, at Solvang, Mark broke character and bought me a Christmas gift. This is what he used to do early in our marriage. But because we are such savers, we haven’t done something like this for a long time. Usually, we just window shop, if at all, not wanting more stuff to clean or to spend our money unwisely. We tend to go for exerience over things. But this cat pin feels like both. More of a souvenir of a great day, proof of Mark’s thoughtful knowlege of what I like, and a trinket I can hold rather than just another dust collector.
Mark picked out and bought me this stylish cat pin in Solvang. I LOVE when he finds me gifts – we don’t do this as much as we used to, being retired and having tons of stuff. But this was special.
We also laughed and drank at the beer garden some dunkel bier (dark beer) in memory of my dad, who would have LOVED to be in a beer garden – not because he ever drank much (I inherit my low tolerance from him) but because of his love of all things German.
Mark enjoyed the contrast between my small and his large beer at the beer garden.
The Bad
As you can imagine from our ‘horsing around’, trinket shopping and beer garden adventures, we were feeling very jolly. We danced in a gazebo in a park and spied a Santa House and chair. We laughed and decided to grab a ‘Santa Selfie’ for fun. Enter the samaritan who insists on taking our photo for us to ‘include’ everything.
All of a sudden I’m not having fun. I’m feeling anxious, puffy, fat, out of control and this slender, kind, woman (bitch) is taking forever to snap many full body shots of a scene I don’t want to see. In it, I look strained, because I am not SITTING on Mark’s lap, I am perching holding my own weight. We thought our selfie to take 3 seconds. This went on and on and on. Again, she was being kind, and wanted a photo of hersef in return.
Here’s the evil (in my mind) result.
I’m being brave here. A lady took this photo, and not being prepared, I now get the chance to see what we look like at this angle. Normally, I’d discard or crop this result. But it was such a fun moment, I’m learning to accept ALL of myself, unflattering angles or not.
Between my murderous rage, and the maturity to write the miraculous caption above for the Santa photo, much went down.
Feeling Ugly
After the none-too-soon exit of the kind photo snapping stranger, Mark reviewed the photos on his phone and stealed himself for the question, he knew was coming.
‘Honey, is this a bad picture or do I look this way?’
‘Er…uh…Sorry, Hon, you look this way.’
‘WHAT?! When did THAT happen?’
‘Er I think with all of our going out and all…”
‘WHEN!’
‘I think you’ve been puting on some weight the last 3 weeks’ (This was said all in a rush).
I collapse in a puddle of tears, embarrassment and disgrace.I’m speechless with self-deceit, disappointment in my size, and remorse for my ‘food sin’ that obviously got me to this state of woe but WORSE is that I feel these painful emoitions. Aren’t I doing well with Intuitive Eating? Aren’t I self-accepting? How the hell have I been wearing the same size and putting on 10 pounds at least? How? How? HOW? And HOW COME I FEEL THESE OLD SHAME FEELINGS ON CHRISTMAS!
More Miracles
Now as we have discussed many times, Mark is wonderful, but emotional discusions are not his strong suit. This time, he simply held me and let me cry. His shirt was soaked, he kissed my hair – he NEVER kisses my hair, and said, we’ve been eating out a lot. We haven’t been exercising as much, and you are still you – remember?
Still me?
He’s right! It’s ok to feel all of my feelings. I DID feel all of those bad feelings. I didn’t ask for more beer, or chocolate, or pastry. I cried on Mark’s shirt.
We went on to celebrate our hotel Christmas Eve with a music box we fell in love with.
Then on Christmas we caught a movie
Me by the Into the Woods movie poster. We saw the first show on Christmas Day.
Mark decided to be a photographer all day to take photos that celebrate how much fun I have and how good it feels to be me, no matter what I weigh.
Mark thought it woud be cute to show me in our red car with our red bikes in my red helmut. I’m ALWAYS happy in my car.
Then a Christmas bike ride – Mark made the effort to show me how strong I am.
Finally, back to the hotel after a long day of fun, hugs and feeling glad to be me.
I’m feeling like a princess in the photo place where you can meet up with Elsa, Olaf and other characters from Frozen. Mark has been MY prince this day.
Intutitive Eating
Intuitive Eating for me is a way to connect with my body and my feelings. It isn’t a magic pill. It doesn’t guarentee to make you thinner. It doesn’t wipe out all of the negative thought patterns built up over a life time. But my practice of it, did lead to true communication with my husband, true looks at myself, inside and out, and a true appreciation for all of my life, body, mind and soul. If that’s not a Christmas miracle, what is? Hope your holidays were wonderful BCs, but if you had some struggles, feel free to share. I understand.
If you would like to see more photos and videos of our trip, check me out on Instagram at LaurieDreamWeaver and look for the hashtag #ChristmasInCalifornia