I’m enjoying coffee on the balcony of the hotel on our latest jaunt to the ‘Shore’ – hence my punny temptation for the title of this piece. But I am so struck, once again, at how tired, drawn, and aged I look compared to other selfies taken not that long ago. I’m trying hard to breathe and let it go, but somedays, it is hard.

Outer appearance isn’t set in stone

Stéfanie from Quebec once gave me props for posting the photo of me looking at my backside in a mirror. NOT for the shocking act of posting my backside, but rather my sadness at looking. Most of us, me included, would rather appear looking great (even if it is in our own minds). It is tough sometimes to see ourselves as we are.

Here’s that blog post in cast you missed it, Trusting the Mirror, Photos or Your Heart?. In that post I already outlined the differences between devices we use for looking at and judging our outer appearances, so I’m not going to rant on that one further today. Suffice it to say, that angle, light, and how we FEEL at the time of looking at photos OR in mirrors can greatly change the inner picture that we see.

Happiness and Sunset Lighting are a Gal’s Besties

Note that in THIS pic, my skin and eyes appear bright and my smile is natural. I’m happy at this second. Mark and I have ridden to our favorite bistro to have a fun dinner made up of ONLY happy hour drinks and appetizers. Not as bad as it sounds, their food is quite well prepared and not as greasy as other places. It was not something I would choose on a regular basis, but it sure was fun yesterday. I appreciate the blessing that I live in an area where I can ride my bike along a path in December, for goodness sake, and I have a hubby who LIKEWISE finds this fun, and that I can be easy enough on myself now to eat bar food for dinner without guilt. (As an aside, by how my body feels in general this morning, I don’t have ill effects from the dinner either).

Rosy Glasses on My Gal?

Ok, ok, there may be SOME ill effects, but this tiredness and feeling my age have been piling up for awhile now. And it is tied to my sleep habits, my thought habits, and my acceptance of the here and now vs. the used to be, as I rambled on about on Day 89.

I think that I have been thinking a lot, maybe TOO much, and not living enough. I think thinking can be dangerous when you have a compulsive obsessive mind, and the details can become overwhelming and a burden when we cannot get them out of our minds. To that end, let us take a meditative beauty break by enjoying the waves at sunset in ventura.

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A post shared by Laurie Weaver – Host COD (@lauriedreamweaver)

Change of focus, change of mind, change of direction

See how much better? When I take my mind off of nitpicking my flaws, real or imagined, my spirit IMMEDIATELY brightens. When I appreciate the color of the sky, the softness of my cats’ fur, the cheerful call of the birds outside my window, then all the word is a glorious place filled with possibilities.

Of course it is easy to list blessings outside of ourselves. When we look AT ourselves, what do we see? If I ask you to grab a paper or to start typing on your device RIGHT NOW 10 things you HATE about yourself how easy would THAT be?

I could do it in 10 seconds flat. But since I already have sad, depressing feelings I’m combatting, I don’t think I SHALL list them for posterity.

Now, let’s try the reverse. Self Love. Appreciation for OURSELVES. Ready, Go!

1. I can ride a bike
2. I’m funny
3. I have strong legs
4. I like the length of my hair
5. My eyes remind me of my dad and I like to see them looking at me again.
6. I’m kind
7. I really care about others
8. I express love often to others
9. I’m a good storyteller
10. I’m a great teacher

Well THAT took longer. A few minutes at least. But the upside is I spent the few minutes in a positive place, and feel better. Even though the featured selfie at the top of this post is NOT the best selfie in the world, I’m glad I reminded myself that every time I see my face, I get to see my father’s eyes.

Let’s end again with a meditative moment. Mark SO enjoys taking photos at the beach, I love to remember his joy.