Tag Archives: Self Love

Ep 0168 – What We Do For Love and Please Support Dawny

Laurie looking up under trees wearing no hat and smiling.
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I enjoy watching the birds here from my newest podcast rock find.

Podcast Recap

I update you about the California wildfires, a new health issue and why I’m grateful. I share a wonderful tip for creating a kinder, gentler life when dieting or working on any other goal. Please support our friend, Dawny. New BC Shelby gives a 5-Star review on iTunes. Thanks to all who send, or have sent, virtual coffee. Send holiday greetings in by Dec. 15, 2018. Holiday Dance Partay!
Foothills past the trees and a white house across the street.

The view from this new podcast space. Skies are still a bit hazy from the fires and you can see how near the road this is. Still, a nice shady and restful spot for pondering.

New BCs

  • Shelby – who posted a 5-star review on USA iTunes

Mentioned

The Last Show including Dawny’s comments.

How to Send Audio

Help out by donating to the Red Cross. You can specify CA Wildfires, Disaster Relief, or Where it’s most needed.

Ways to support the show financially

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
After Thoughts Announcer: Mark Weaver
After Thoughts Commentator: Laurie
Participation Announcer: Mark Weaver

Other Sounds

  • Crowd Cheering
    http://www.freesound.org/people/xtrsounder/sounds/202498/
  • Applause
    http://www.freesound.org/people/bulbastre/sounds/132154/

Main Theme:
Circle by Hartley used with permission by agreement with SHUTTERSTOCK MUSIC CANADA ULC

Other Sounds and Music used with permission from AudioBlocks and IBAudio

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Shore could use some SELFie love today

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I’m enjoying coffee on the balcony of the hotel on our latest jaunt to the ‘Shore’ – hence my punny temptation for the title of this piece. But I am so struck, once again, at how tired, drawn, and aged I look compared to other selfies taken not that long ago. I’m trying hard to breathe and let it go, but somedays, it is hard.

Outer appearance isn’t set in stone

Stéfanie from Quebec once gave me props for posting the photo of me looking at my backside in a mirror. NOT for the shocking act of posting my backside, but rather my sadness at looking. Most of us, me included, would rather appear looking great (even if it is in our own minds). It is tough sometimes to see ourselves as we are.

Here’s that blog post in cast you missed it, Trusting the Mirror, Photos or Your Heart?. In that post I already outlined the differences between devices we use for looking at and judging our outer appearances, so I’m not going to rant on that one further today. Suffice it to say, that angle, light, and how we FEEL at the time of looking at photos OR in mirrors can greatly change the inner picture that we see.

Happiness and Sunset Lighting are a Gal’s Besties

Laurie and Mark in bike helmets pose in front of the beach. Mark wears a purple flowered Hawaiian shirt

Mark is looking handsome in his new bright purple Hawaii shirt.


Note that in THIS pic, my skin and eyes appear bright and my smile is natural. I’m happy at this second. Mark and I have ridden to our favorite bistro to have a fun dinner made up of ONLY happy hour drinks and appetizers. Not as bad as it sounds, their food is quite well prepared and not as greasy as other places. It was not something I would choose on a regular basis, but it sure was fun yesterday. I appreciate the blessing that I live in an area where I can ride my bike along a path in December, for goodness sake, and I have a hubby who LIKEWISE finds this fun, and that I can be easy enough on myself now to eat bar food for dinner without guilt. (As an aside, by how my body feels in general this morning, I don’t have ill effects from the dinner either).

Rosy Glasses on My Gal?

Ok, ok, there may be SOME ill effects, but this tiredness and feeling my age have been piling up for awhile now. And it is tied to my sleep habits, my thought habits, and my acceptance of the here and now vs. the used to be, as I rambled on about on Day 89.

I think that I have been thinking a lot, maybe TOO much, and not living enough. I think thinking can be dangerous when you have a compulsive obsessive mind, and the details can become overwhelming and a burden when we cannot get them out of our minds. To that end, let us take a meditative beauty break by enjoying the waves at sunset in ventura.

Change of focus, change of mind, change of direction


See how much better? When I take my mind off of nitpicking my flaws, real or imagined, my spirit IMMEDIATELY brightens. When I appreciate the color of the sky, the softness of my cats’ fur, the cheerful call of the birds outside my window, then all the word is a glorious place filled with possibilities.

Of course it is easy to list blessings outside of ourselves. When we look AT ourselves, what do we see? If I ask you to grab a paper or to start typing on your device RIGHT NOW 10 things you HATE about yourself how easy would THAT be?

I could do it in 10 seconds flat. But since I already have sad, depressing feelings I’m combatting, I don’t think I SHALL list them for posterity.

Now, let’s try the reverse. Self Love. Appreciation for OURSELVES. Ready, Go!

  1. I can ride a bike
  2. I’m funny
  3. I have strong legs
  4. I like the length of my hair
  5. My eyes remind me of my dad and I like to see them looking at me again.
  6. I’m kind
  7. I really care about others
  8. I express love often to others
  9. I’m a good storyteller
  10. I’m a great teacher

Well THAT took longer. A few minutes at least. But the upside is I spent the few minutes in a positive place, and feel better. Even though the featured selfie at the top of this post is NOT the best selfie in the world, I’m glad I reminded myself that every time I see my face, I get to see my father’s eyes.

Let’s end again with a meditative moment. Mark SO enjoys taking photos at the beach, I love to remember his joy.

Mark in silhouette snapping a photo of sunset against the waves.

Mark captures the sunset with his phone camera.

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Panic and Fear of Weight Gain – Slow Down and Think It Through Laurie

Laurie in the mirror wearing jeans and sleeveless top.
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I decide trying on pants is the lesser of two evils today

EARLY! Woke up 4am, tossing and turning. Weird anxiety dreams of weight piling on. Panic! Thought about lugging ladder to the garage to find my old nemesis, the scale, for:

  • Reassurance?
  • Punishment for eating intuitively instead of on a calorie or food restriction diet of some kind?
  • a Miracle? You know, where you eat a bunch but your weight goes down – MAYBE that could happen – sigh

But I decided my old nemesis would not help and wondered why I’m feeling this way?

Pondered and realized I feel puffy. Puffiness and I are old friends. It usually means:

  1. Could be weight gain (yikes, my challenge is that I need to be ok with this one right now in my journey to learn to eat without bingeing)
  2. TOO MUCH SALT – I’m a big water retainer, always have been, despite my excellent blood pressure.
  3. Heat – I react to heat by retaining water – no doubt because of the extra sweating.
  4. Injury – the body can become puffy while healing trauma areas.

So let’s think about these, and rank the possibilities

  1. Before I gave up the scale I weighed the same for over 2 months. Have I changed my eating significantly since then? No. Have I changed my exercise? Yes. Much less since bike crash 1 week ago.
  2. Eating Salty things lately? Yes, had Mexican dinner with Mark on Monday.
  3. Weather lately? Hot as bejesus!
  4. Injury? Yes, Chest and knee still painfully bruised and feeling tender.
    Post where I tell about the accident
    Post where if you CHOOSE you can view the damage to my poor body parts

I think my puffiness is firstly caused by the dinner, then the heat and injury combined with lesser amount of exercise (this also increases my stress hormones).

Next step, how can I know if I AM actually putting on fat without weighing. (Again, I’m not supposed to care right now, but I can’t help myself).

I usually wear the size 20W jeans I bought at the start of doing this show after I gained the 23 extra pounds. They fit comfortably, and a bit loosely. Even these have felt more snug in the tummy. So I face my fear and drag out my 18W jeans. They had fit and zipped a few months ago, but not as comfy as my 20W. I figured if they don’t zip, I’ll know I’m up a bit in weight. (Even though I’m not supposed to care about that – my controlling mind WANTS TO KNOW)

Voila! They fit. They zip. I can sit in them. In fact I’m writing this post RIGHT NOW wearing them and have been sitting for awhile.

So of course I feel better. But the real question is the anxiety I felt. Part of my journey is letting go of self-judgement in the critical sense. Of allowing my body to dictate its hunger and fullness. Allowing the diet rebound to happen if need be on the way to balance.

This is a true BRAVERY REPORT shot. I dare to look AND snap the photo of myself from the back. The hips and top of thighs are my most feared and in the past, hated area of my body. For me to look objectively and not spew self-hatred and damaging talk is very difficult. But I am a true Rubenesque body type of woman.

This is a true BRAVERY REPORT shot. I dare to look AND snap the photo of myself from the back. The hips and top of thighs are my most feared and in the past, hated area of my body. For me to look objectively and not spew self-hatrid and damaging talk is very difficult. But I am a true Rubenesque body type of woman.


Rubens' Venus at a Mirror

Rubens’ Venus at a Mirror

Am I TRULY at peace with my shape yet? No. I still struggle, but I can see the resemblence to the figure Sir Peter Paul Rubens loved to paint. Who am I to argue with art?

I am form and curves and cuddly lush love wrapped in skin and bones, but of these, the only thing that doesn’t change with time and chance is the love. No scale can measure that. – Laurie, July 30, 2014

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