Tag Archives: Stéfanie from Quebec

Trusting the Mirror, Photos or Your Heart?

Laurie in sports bra and yoga pants in the mirror
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I’m pondering how my mirror image makes me feel. How much is real and how much comes from our own self-image?

Comments on Day 85 from Stéfanie and Cheryl really make think about my self-image

Stéfanie writes … I just had an ah ha moment. I never thought that some people could prefer not getting ANY kind of feedback about their weight loss. I never thought that because I am the complete opposite. I litteraly CRAVE the comments. To me, they are the best of rewards. So, thanks for making me aware and sensitive to this.
It made me realize once again that I need to shed this obsessive need for other people’s approval. Why do I crave this feedback so much? It’s not just with weightloss, it’s all over my life. My older lady friends and family say I will grow out of it as I get older. That what other people think of you gets less and less important. If it’s so, then, I’m eager to age

Cheryl writes – I think that’s sort of true for me. I’m 63, and the older I’ve gotten the less I’ve cared what strangers and acquaintances think about me. It does feel different with good friends and family, though. Maybe there’s always that need for their approval. The weight loss issue is really one of those “hot button” issues for me. My mind doesn’t grasp the positive in a compliment, it goes right to the reverse — so did I look that bad before?…

Part of what I write – Hi there dear, Stéfanie! Rachel posted to me on Day 58 just the other day that I shouldn’t apologize for asking for feedback as

  • According to Transactional Analysis we need positive strokes to help us ‘open the heart’. Stroke starvation can lead to physical, emotional and physical illness according to Claude Steiner.

And I think there is a lot of truth to that. I know myself, I grew up pretty much believing I was not good enough in any way, or if I WAS good, I ought not mention it, or make any fuss about it. This led to an emotional starvation that was partially at the root of my stuffing myself with food to soothe these needs. It’s not the only reason, for sure, but a big part. So for example, if Diane the Champion was doing another Body for Life course and I KNEW she was working hard to shed fat and build muscle and I saw her progressing, FOR SURE I would mention it. It is very hard work. And I think when I was in Weight Watchers I LOVED when my WW friends mentioned my progress too. But lately, I’ve been thinking about “Why is it ALWAYS a good thing to have lost weight?” Since my body type is not slender, and I come from endomorph stock on both sides of my family, we were taller, stockier and fatter. I don’t mean in the sit around eating all day fatter, I mean our bodies, from every photo I’ve ever seen, had more fat over the muscle than in other families. AND both sides of my family were physically hard workers. Farmers, laborers etc. This is a legitimate body to have. Just one of the rainbow of possible body types. So why am I so happy when I lose weight, or when people notice? Because for ME (and I’m talking only me here) it means I’m FINALLY one of the rest. I FINALLY fit in (chairs and emotionally).

Trouble is, that’s not who I am. It’s like dying my grey hair. I do it, but I really have greying hair. So when people compliment my hair, I also get a little cringe as I know this is my stylist they are complimenting and I feel a bit of deceit. But is it? Almost nobody my age has hair free from grey. Almost everybody in my area dyes their hair as in LA, youth is valued. It makes you listened to at work more. It’s just like when I lost all the weight and people started to respect me more. Really? My brains were non-active under fat? Really? My ideas and heart didn’t function? That was my anger about weight loss. That people only accepted the thinner package and it hurt to know that. Then I regained some, and noticed the opposite. Most didn’t say, “Wow, you’ve gained some weight!” but as they sure had mentioned it on the way down, I know they noticed on the way up. And as I said before, the more I weighed, the less I fit in.

Until now. Now some chairs are still a struggle, but *I* feel I fit in and my size isn’t as relevant. I still hope my body stabilizes at a lesser weight, because functionally, I don’t feel optimum yet. And I have flashes of familiar shame, as I told on Day 85 about my well-intentioned friend.

Laurie in the dressing room wearing slacks and printed top

This is the flattering photo my friend saw on FB and posted to me that I look thinner.

My friend intended to celebrate with what she thought was progress on my goal. Why wouldn’t she? Weight loss has ALWAYS been my goal, for as long as she’s known me. When I started this show and I tried to explain what I was doing, she literally could not understand any of it other than I wanted to lose weight. Then she said,”Oh you want to eat HEALTHIER”, I said, “Not really”. THAT one floored her. It makes no sense to state your goal is not to eat healthier. Well, I do, but not in the way she meant. I want to emotionally eat healthier. I do value my health, but without my emotional strength and health first, the rest is like frosting on a cardboard cake. My friend is not an emotional eater, so she cannot process my weird statements. So when she saw my photo, she said what she did to connect with me and celebrate me. My reaction is on me. Long story here, friend, Stéfanie, No? Short story. Celebrate yourself and others, and let the intention be your guide xoxoxoxoxoxox

Do you trust photos, the mirror, or your heart?


Now, Brave Companions, I am the same size in both of the photos on this blog post. The top photo in my yoga outfit was taken at home in my bathroom, and the legs are cut off since my mirror is not full length. This tends to focus on my hated trouble spot. The clothing in the dressing room photo still fits the same as when that photo was taken. Note, I’m turning at a flattering angel to snap my photo in the dressing room. Also, those slim fit slacks hold my tummy in a bit better than my comfy old yoga clothing. The dressing room photo made me feel REALLY good about myself, the yoga photo not so much.

Why? I am the same size.

  1. Even though we have an actual size, our brains interpret data though our own world view. So one woman’s size in a particular time in history and culture may be considered pleasing, and in another, horrific (yes, I know Suz, one of THOSE drastic vocabulary words).
  2. What is our social norm at my place in time? Despite mighty ongoing social media driven efforts for body acceptance, big breasted, thin and young seem to be our optimal beauty standard where I live.
  3. So it would seem that the flattering photo is closer to that beauty norm. But even so, I’m not any of those physical things.
  4. My inner view also colors my lens of acceptance. I had a GREAT day when I snapped the dressing room pic.
  5. The last week has been a bit tough on me. I’ve been over tired, feeling blue, and wondering if this show still serves a purpose for me or you? So many Brave Companions have left or gone silent. I’m still over 200 pounds and dealing with demons from my past. As Alen say, Progress, not perfection. But my progress this week seemed to stall and self-doubt abound
  6. A bright spot was the Halloween show. It was fun to work with Mark again and to have the contributions of Suz, Cheryl, Dawny and My friend Max. It was creative to edit that one all together, and I was proud of how I worked the eating topic into the theme.
  7. I also received a heart-felt email letter from a brave companion, who again said how much listening to all of the episodes has meant to her. This pulled my head out of my ass
  8. My size is the same, yet is feels different from day to day. Isn’t this why I gave up the scale?
  9. We all know I weigh more than 200 pounds, so why am I surprised by photos or unexpected mirror glimpses?
  10. I think partially that my actual size ballooned and plummeted so much and so often in the past, my internal size never stuck
  11. I think I still have strong ties to equating big/fat with bad/shameful. So if I feel bad for any reason, I feel fat. Period
  12. If I feel physically fat for any reason, water retention, tight clothing, actual weight gain, I feel bad about myself as a human being
  13. This is what I’m working on. I can be huge and it doesn’t make me a bad human being. I can be thin and it doesn’t make me a good human being. I can be any physical size and it doesn’t add or subtract to my heart or my character. Only my own thoughts, reactions, instincts, wisdom,and experience can guide my own self-worth, and I have a problem with this.
  14. Photos can be photoshopped (I’m actually quite good at that, though none of my photos in this blog are photoshopped beyond brightness adjustments). Photos vary by light, pose, angle etc. Photos capture one second through the lens of the photographer (in the case of selfies, yourself)
  15. Mirrors can be manipulated with light, your pose, your expectation etc. (Mirrors capture how you are looking to yourself during the moments you gaze into them. This varies by how you feel.)
  16. Hearts cannot tell physical size. They can be influenced by emotions and negative or positive thought.

I’ve written this list to ponder and think through all of this today. I conclude that hearts are best for judging our inner worth, photos are best for making artistic statements or capturing times of our lives, whatever our sizes, and the mirror is best for smiling in and telling ourselves, “I love you as you are.”

Laurie, I love you in your yoga pants
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

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Ep 0084 – Letting Go of Holding On

Laurie leans her cheek in her hand. Light brown hair mid-length, smiling
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It feels great to get away from stress and snafus and sit under the podcast tree on my podcast rock.

Podcast Recap

Where does using personal effort and energy best serve your life? I decide it makes the most sense for my personal energy to let the live YMCA group and the Sparkpeople team go due to lack of likely participation. I muse about various social media outlets and which ones I actually use more often than others and why. Thanks to an Amazon shopper for using Compulsive Overeating Diary’s link prior to an amazing purchase! New Episode and Blog Post index pages take the place of the broken episode widget. Suz and Cheryl have submitted their Halloween fun. Send your audio or written Halloween items in! Welcome to Lauren from Down Under, a friend of Amy from Australia. Featured comments supporting Corinna from Dawny and Suz. Thanks to others who took the time to post. Cheryl is not only the first BC to put herself on our new Bravery Report page, she’s also on the bravery report for her brave and heartfelt writing dedicated to BCs on her blog, Wellsprings and Dragonfly Wings. Stéfanie from Quebec gives us words to ponder about how literal are we with what we say.
Rocks on the branch of a tree

Someone else has been leaving cool prayer rocks on the branch of the podcast tree.

Mentioned

New Episode Index page replacing the widget to select episodes

New Blog Post Index page

Last episode with Corinna’s voice

New BC, Lauren’s, story on her first post on Day 81

New Brave Companion, Lauren’s blog, Just Full Enough and Facebook page.

Dawny’s welcome to Corinna on Day 83

Suz’s wonderfully warm and thoughtful welcome to Corinna on Day 83

Cheryl’s Bravery Report Post

Cheryl’s Story, Who Says God Has A Dog Anyway?, on her blog, Wellsprings and Dragonfly Wings

Stéfanie from Quebec’s comment about literal language standing in for emotions on Day 82

NEW! Put yourself on the Bravery Report!

All bravery should be celebrated. Come say Hooray on the Bravery Report page by commenting and telling about your bravery and/or downloading your own Bravery Report certificate.

Ways to support the show financially

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in “Foolish Fun for Halloween!“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

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Ep 0083 – Don’t Procrastinate Your Dreams Away

Laurie looking at her sheet music on a stand
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Here I am reviewing my sheet music before practicing. I record my lesson every week on the same recorder I use for the podcast and use the recording to practice.

Podcast Recap

Procrastination can delay more than your chores. It can put your entire life on hold and kill your dreams. Corinna, from the live YMCA support group, is on the bravery report for recording her thoughts after our first meeting. The YMCA group will continue on and we have an actual bravery report now! We also have a show audio archive again. Featured comments by Rachel about perfectionism, Amy from Australia about my weight photos, Suz about supporting Amy from WI and me, Cheryl about knowing when to give up an activity without guilt, and Sue from the U.K. about the value of persistence. I share my latest singing adventure as well as my voice acting report card results.
Hiking trailhead with cloudy sky above

You can see as I look toward the start of the trail that it is a cloudy, overcast morning. Feels good after all of the heat we’ve been having!

Mentioned

Alen’s show and blog, Progress, Not Perfection

Laurie’s live support group at the YMCA

My voice acting teacher, Marc Cashman’s website

The website of Vicki Hilferty, my singing teacher

My bikini photo on Day 28

Episode with Diane the Champion’s call to the bravery hotline following a binge

Last episode with Amy from WI’s call to the bravery hotline about intuitive eating.

My Photos of my weight up and down the scale

The new Bravery Report page – you can print out your OWN certificate!

The show audio archive page where you can listen to all of the past episodes in one convenient place

See my bio on the contact form page – and drop me a line while you’re there!

Brave Companion, Rachel’s, comments about perfectionism on Day 39

Amy from Australia weighs in about my photo journey on day 56

Suz’s comments on Day 82

Cheryl’s comments on Day 82

Sue from the UK’s comments on Day 82

My response to Sue on Day 82

Last year’s Halloween show on Daily Adventure Tales

NEW! Put yourself on the Bravery Report!

All bravery should be celebrated. Come say Hooray on the Bravery Report page by commenting and telling about your bravery and/or downloading your own Bravery Report certificate.
Intuitive Eating Book on Amazon – please use the links below

Intuitive Eating

Ways to support the show financially

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

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Ep 0082 – Updates on Voice Acting, the Support Group and What’s New with Alen Standish?

Sun shining down on Laurie
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Wowser! That sun is shining hot today, but a beautiful hike nontheless.

Podcast Recap

Giving up too easily can be an automatic response and a terrible dream-destroying habit. A special shout-out to Heung, a lady I met hiking after recording last episode. Hear clips from my latest voice acting class with my scene partners Len and Matt and learn why I’m so glad I didn’t give up after last week’s snafu. Welcome to new brave companions Joe, who posted on day 1, and Kelly who shares her story and tells about her new healthy eating blog. Thanks to the latest Coffee Klatch subscriber and I share why it touches me so much, ala Sally Field’s famous best actress win quote. Alen Standish releases our second interview on his show, Progress Not Perfection, and thanks to Cheryl’s great idea, I interview him back for one of my future shows. Hear about my ongoing YMCA live support group and how the first meeting went. Amy from Wisconsin calls the bravery hotline about her stumbles with intuitive eating and how she refocuses. Featured comments from Suz, Cheryl and Stéfanie about negativity, bravery and creativity. Send in some fun Halloween audio or stories if you’d like a special Halloween episode.
Laurie's homemade sound solution

Check out my quick sound studio for my interview with Alen Standish. Blanket and mattress foam over ladder. All rugs piled on tile floor drapes pulled, fan off.

Mentioned

My voice acting teacher, Marc Cashman’s website

Laurie’s live support group at the YMCA

New Brave Companion Kelly’s Blog, Joie de vivre

My latest interview on Alen’s show at PNPDaily.com. It’s episode 49.

If you missed our first interview, you can go to PNPDaily.com’s episode 42

Episode 52 that Amy from WI mentions in her call

Suz’s comments about turning around negativity on Day 81

Cheryl’s brave comments about her writing on Day 81

Stéfanie’s thoughtful comments about brave companions and creativity on Day 81

Last year’s Halloween show on Daily Adventure Tales

Ways to support the show financially

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Voice Director/Teacher: Marc Cashman
Voice Actor 1: Len Smith
Voice Actor 2: Matt

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

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Ep 0081 – Balancing Out Inappropriate Levels of Devastation from Small Failures

Laurie looking up by some trees
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On podcast pages click the arrow to play the episode.
Things are looking up as I start my morning trek up the mountain.

Podcast Recap

Letting go of inappropriate levels of devastation is today’s topic as I share a cringe-worthy story from my latest voice acting class despite encouragement by Sue from the UK and Jackie on Facebook. Thanks to Sofia and Courtney for their 5 star iTunes reviews and to Suz for being an Amazon book shopper through the show link. The live support group starts tomorrow! Greetings and welcome to new brave companions June, who found us on the Natural News, and to Amy who is sharing our show with a group of ladies in Australia! Foolish Fun is a musical extravaganza featuring Suz’s piano rendition of a song that really surprised me. Long-time listener and one of the very first brave companions, Jenny, steps on the bravery report for stepping off the scale and into her new life. Supportive and brave comments are featured by Marquita, Stéfanie, Suz, Amy from WI. and Rachel
Lovely little meadow at the start of the trail.

Lovely little meadow at the start of the trail.

Mentioned

Eating in the Light of the Moon: How Women Can Transform Their Relationship with Food Through Myths, Metaphors, and Storytelling This is the Amazon.com link to the book Suz bought that I also recommend today.

Laurie’s live support group at the YMCA

Encouraging comments about my voice-acting fears on FB

June’s first post on Day 80

Day 20, “Will you still love me after I mess up?” The episode that I recorded after a binge – that Amy from Australia mentioned in her email

Episode 33 where Laurie Sings “My Garden Song”

Suz’s encouraging comment about my upcoming group on Day 80

Stéfanie from Quebec’s comment about my upcoming group on Day 80

Amy from WI’s comment about my upcoming group on Day 80

Marquita’s brave comment on Day 80

Suz’s brave comment on Day 80

New BC Rachel’s swimming bravery on Day 80

Amy from WI’s swimming reply on Day 80

Ways to support the show financially

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Laurie’s Foolish Fun Intro Announcer: Mark Weaver
Laurie’s Foolish Fun Content: Brave Companion Suz

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Sounds used in Laurie’s Foolish Fun Intro

  • Slide Whistle sounds
    http://www.freesound.org/people/plingativator/sounds/188873/
  • Background Tune/Beat
    http://www.freesound.org/people/siakitty/sounds/38478/
  • Girl’s Laughter
    http://www.freesound.org/people/choplin/sounds/109759/
  • Phone Ring
    http://www.freesound.org/people/winsx87/sounds/152028/

Resource of the day

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