I have fun taking selfies from the podcast rock for show 120
Sometimes you just have to go slow
I was having SUCH a time editing all of the little features and writing the transitions for the last show that I despaired ever getting out and actually recording it. The task loomed larger than usual in my mind. Every day seemed to bring a struggle or a challenge or another reason to put it off until tomorrow. Sound familiar? I was giving myself quite a few talking tos as well. Show 100 was also a ‘really big shoe’ and I got THAT one out on time. What the heck is WRONG WITH ME NOW? But something BC Dave wrote gave me an aha moment.
Something that you love(ed), which you were successful at is coming to an end and I will bet that deep down you are grieving (it will take time), and because you loved it so much you are hoping to finish like a 4th of July finally. Please know that no matter how your last episode turns out, you will all ways be a bright and guiding light in the lives of many.
New times call for new ways
Here’s me at my original podcast bench at Descanso Gardens.
By George BC Dave was right! I’ve been grieving the show, and perfectionism was letting me give myself the time to do that. But after a while, I just felt stuck. I was ready to move on and let go, but how? It really IS a huge task to put together the show that’s in my head – the show that’s supported by all of the cool bits and bobs I have ready to share that you’ve given me, or that were recorded in other ways. But then, it hit me.
Why do I need to do it all at once? Usually I do. I write the show, then record it all in one day. That would be hours of recording. A big job. Hard on my voice and a big strain on my writer’s brain. Why not go down the podcast memory lane and split the show into three parts? One at Descanso Gardens, one at the podcast rock at my local park, and the last one on the mountain? Eureka! That worked.
Having fun
I’ve now written and recorded parts one and two and will, weather willing, hike up to the Next to Upper Zen spot tomorrow to record the last. This made the task so much easier. And it was fun to think which things I wanted to record in each area. Because I wrote and recorded over several days, it wasn’t overwhelming. It was ok because I was making progress. Sound familiar?
Cross your fingers
Tomorrow will be a big day. If I get up the mountain, then all that will be left will be the final edit of day 120. So you may get it sometime this week. It’s the end of an era my friends. I have reviewed so much material, read so many comments, remembered so many things as I’ve put this last outing of ours together. It’s kind of like yearbook signing at the end of high school. I’m sad to say good-bye, but ready for the future.
I hope you are too.
xoxoxoxoxox
Way to work it out Laurie. Enjoy the journey. Have you noticed now that you are not “wasting” the mental energy on CO, now the world is a little clearer or at least your path in it, your focus is sharper, the love you can give is greater?
It will come when it comes.
I’d say it’s like the famous scene in the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy opens her grey door into a world of color. Life without a constant focus on my size/weight/eating plan is so different than the first 50+ years. I still have my issues, as do all humans, but I forgive myself very quickly and move on really, really well. I guess it’s all that letting go practice! 😉 Believe me, I’ll still be letting go of things whether I record or not. It’s a habit! As to the love, yes, I believe by protecting myself by not allowing others to know the real me, I could not show or receive love as much as I do now. By having the false idea I was flawed due to size, I didn’t feel worthy and hence the mask. I know you know what I mean. I still have moments where I wish I could fit in chairs more easily – but I also have moments where I wish my hair wasn’t really salt and pepper under all of the dye job. And I wish my dad still lived. And I wish folks would hire me IMMEDIATELY for a voice job. But wishing doesn’t make anything more so, if that makes sense. So now I find I try to evaluate my feelings to see if action is required. Believe it or not, I am actually on a diet of sorts for medical reasons at the moment, and it doesn’t give me any angst at all. I don’t think about it, until it’s time to eat, and then I know I need to eat certain things and not others for a time. I just go ahead and eat and get back to whatever else I was doing. That is the biggest miracle of all. I just don’t think about food when I’m not hungry (or making a shopping list).
I’m glad that you have found your way through another challenge! I will really miss your show, but I am glad that you no longer feel a need to do it. I’m a little sad that you have moved on, and I am still trying. Someday I will join you in the “moving on” portion.
Looking forward to the last show….
I’m a little sad to Amy. But moving on is relative, and from my pov, you HAVE moved on from where we first met on this path. Thanks for saying you will miss the show though, that means a lot. xoxoxoxoxox
Wonderful, Laurie! I love the idea of revisiting the three podcast locations. What a great way to reminisce. Couldn’t help but smile as I read Dave’s comment about you and the show being a guiding light – similar to my song title “Light In The Dark!” Can’t wait for the celebration that will be episode 120. The first time I heard your voice was on Alen Standish’s podcast when I was on a walk at the Alviso salt ponds. I plan to return there to reflect and listen.
That’s so cool Fionna! Get in the mood for a Looooong walk, or maybe do like I did and walk three times. I’m actually getting excited because 120 will be a very cool show. BC Dave is right, I wanted to go out with a bang, and I think 120 will accomplish all I wanted to do. Well the weather report is HOT AS BLAZES, so I need to get out the door so I’m up and down the mountain in the earlier temps. xoxoxoxox
Sniif. 💚
Mon Amie xoxoxoxox
I like the analogy of the year book. That’s exactly the right tone you want to end on, with everyone looking forward to the next part of their adventures. Dave’s advice was awesome!
Hey GF, now the show is out and about, I think we did nail that tone. It was emotional to put that monster together. I truly took the entire month I worked on the sucker. Whew! But I am very, very happy with the result. Thanks again for your support and for your wonderful good-bye message. YOU are the opening feature after I get my letting go segment out of the way. xoxoxox
I’m only sorry that i got so caught up in my own stuff that I wasn’t able to keep up with things. But I thought about you all the time. Huge hugs, my long-time friend! {{{Laurie}}}
Hey, no worries! You have every right to work on your own things. That’s the way it should be. Thanks for being there at the end as well as at the start! Made a nice circle for me. HUGS! xoxoxox
Please know that you are loved, Laurie, and that you have helped so many people in ways that you will probably not ever know. I have so appreciated becoming your “real life” friend and look forward to more adventures, bike rides, and talks in the future. I completely support your new direction and know that you will find fulfillment and success. Big hugs!
Thanks Sandy! I’m sad, relieved and excited all at once. Very strange ride. But got up, took my walk and am ready to get my hair done, do my vocal exercises and hit the writing group later on. So I’m filling my days with other than chips 🙂 Hope things are going well with your creative pursuits. I’d still love you to come over so I can record your music. xoxoxoox
Hi,
First of all thank you so much for the shout out and the welcome. I’m a bit late (working at a desk all day long makes me not even want to look at my laptop at home).
I’m still not through listening to all your podcasts, so this is not quite so final for me, but I have to say I find your journey extraordinary and so inspiring to thrive for, what’s important in life, and stop wasting time on irrelevant things like the number on the label of your trousers.
I wish you so so much fun, and hope for lots of updates.
All the best hun, you deserve it!
Meine liebe Petra,
Thanks so much for stopping by to comment. The last show was very emotional for me, and your support means a lot. You are VERY welcome for the greeting, and I was thrilled to do it. What could be better? A new BC who speaks German. In fact, trying to speak German to you made me realize how rusty I have become, so back to watching my daily dose of Marienhof 🙂 I hope you enjoy the rest of the podcast series, and do feel free to comment as you go, as I am still here around the blog, and I bet some other BCs will be coming around also.
Sei ganz lieb umarmt! xoxoxox