I drove down to the park for my first walk after all of my GI tests. It felt good to get outside, even though I was SHOCKED at how tired I was after.
I was hoping to release a bonus show but…
Medical concerns have taken precedence for me. Last week I had a full GI work-up at the hospital with biopsies to further investigate my digestive woes. (Thank you Angel Doc! xoxoxox). Angel Doc was ready to immediately wheel me into surgery if anything dire was discovered. Thankfully, nothing was dreadfully amiss and so I am recovering and getting back on my feet.
This whole process has been a learning experience as well as a pretty frightening one. It is very odd to not want to eat. It is very odd to have eating hurt. It is very odd to not get hungry AND it is very odd that given all of this, my weight remains pretty stable. For once I am grateful.
The scary time I lost weight
I may have told you this story on the show, but the only time I ever lost weight easily was about 12 or 13 years ago when I caught a persistent and terrible bacterial infection from body surfing in an area where there had been a recent sewage issue. The beach had been declared fit for swimming, but I was unlucky.
My body was in full on fight mode and the weight fell off of me. I was always hungry, and could not eat enough to stabilize. Luckily, it was during the time I was trying to lose weight at Weight Watchers, and so had many pounds to go. But even so, it was terrifying. The doctor at the time tried antibiotic after antibiotic and was just about to hospitalize me for an IV round, when he found one that worked. My God, I was so worn out from that. I was a washrag. I had zero energy. It was the most terrifying feeling in the world. And how many times had I wished for this?
Oh I wish the weight would just fall off!
Believe me, I don’t wish that anymore. Not ever. I DO wish if I have been exercising and eating moderately that my body might like to drop a little. But if my body is going to be stubborn, I’m glad it is keeping on weight rather than shedding it like water, like it did last time.
Last blog I shared the story of how I accidentally found out my weight.
A nice side benefit is that I now need to weigh daily as Angel Doc needs to know. And I don’t care. The number isn’t me anymore. It has zero impact on my self esteem. Isn’t that a miracle? I seem to have well and truly cut the cord. The scale is just a device. My weight just a number that tells us how my body is storing or not storing nutrients.
Anything besides medical stuff since last show?
Last weekend I went away for a weekend of self time and voice acting study. I had a wonderful time swimming, lazing and studying. I also continue to work on my voice acting and my demo as I can. Mark and I still go to writing group. I’ve had to slow down, but I’m not out. We just got back from our first 10 mile bike ride.
Special Thanks to Bailey from Alabama
Bailey is a new BC who LOVES to call the Bravery Hotline as she progresses through the episodes. It cheers me up SO much to know that the show is still doing good, and Bailey is a wonderful young lady. I’ll play you a bit of one of her calls once I feel up to hiking and talking again for a bonus show. xoxoxoxox Bailey!
Don’t be a stranger
Thanks BCs who have kept in contact one way or another for the good wishes, it REALLY, really, really REALLY means a lot to me. Thanks too to those of you who have continued support for the show by shopping through the Amazon links that also means the world to Mark and me. And please remember, you can STILL call, write and/or post comments. I may not get back to you as soon as I used to, but I will get back.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
I’m really glad to hear that you are getting back on your feet, but I sure hope someone can help you heal completely! Take it slowly, as you don’t want to overdo and end up sicker again!
Amazingly (to me) food seems to have lost its grip on me! I’m not exactly sure how this happened. It is probably a combination of work with my therapist, books I’ve read, podcasts I’ve listened to, and my own inner dialog. I haven’t binged in a really long time (weeks, months?). I’m able to eat some sweets and then stop. I diet some days and don’t others. I’m losing weight really slowly, but I’m not obsessing over food. It is absolutely wonderful and I’m so darn thrilled. The only problem is, I don’t feel like I have anyone to celebrate with, because I don’t feel like anyone in my day to day life understands what a HUGE thing this is for me. I feel like I want to throw a party in celebration, do a happy dance, take a trip, do SOMETHING to celebrate, and yet….if I told people why they would look at me like I’m nuts. “You are happy because food doesn’t control you? What does that mean?” Oy vey!
There is still a little part of me that is afraid the monster will come back. I think the longer the monster is gone, the more confident that I will feel. For now, I’m really stinkin’ happy that it is gone!
Oh my Amy. Great job!!! This is soooo aaawwweeee inspiring. Proud of you. This is so great =~}
Don’t live in fear. Continue to thrive on your success & all the amazing positives you’ve posted here. You’ve got this. 😍
Here you go party gal! I’m sooooo proud of you!
Hahaha! I LOVE it! Thank you, Laurie!!!!
😉
So glad your finding your way thru the discomforting digestive yuck friend.
Yay for having gotten to the point of peace with yourself and the dumb metal box. Wioohoooo. So proud of you lady! You’ve come sooooooo far since day 1 of the blog show etc. I’m so inspired by you.
So far my new job adventure is going so good. I REALLY fit in there. All my quirky ways. Sarcastic sense of humor Eric. It’s really awesome. So thankful.
My first full day was a lot of reading n quizzes. Bleh. Usually a monthly thing but I’m new so I ‘get’ to do all the modules. Derp. And logging in with preset passwords. Lol. I use the same one for everything shhhhhh. Ha. and if it makes me add or change I start adding 1, 2, 3 etc. but you have to use all the temp ones n reset them. Shit there’s like 10 different places with log ins. Gotta love security measures in the medical industry.
I’m working in changing my schedule back/around again too. So far it’s bumpy. But my husbands living it.
Happy day friends
Dawny, I’m so happy to hear that the environment looks like a good match with your awesome self! Go kick butt and change those dang passwords. HaHa! xoxoxoxox Made a new episode while I was bored today, hope you like it